The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[lastwish]

A guy who lacks courtesy really turns me off. A girl must be very insecure to like a guy like that.

[BoredGeorge]

Sorry, you have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe I've read more on human behavior than you, but I'll fill you in using your own examples:
Am I making this any more clear for you? You're doing nice things for people for your own personal self-gratification, and not because it's the right thing to do.

Its called being normal are you so intellectually impaired that you cannot see how this is normal decent human behaviour ?

My Mum made me dinner and washed my clothes after a long drive down to see her, she did it but she also enjoys doing it to make me happy. WHAT A BITCH !

You are a nutcase who needs to go back to grade 3 to learn basic logic through understanding of the three times tables.

[BoredGeorge]

Nope. And that's really the whole point of this thread. Nice guys should stick to dating nice girls, and there wouldn't be a problem.

Or the Police should turn a blind eye to domestic violence. You marry a 'bad boy' that hits you, too bad, make the man his eggs. I think that would settle this argument.

The reason women like bad boys is that there are no accountabilities when things go wrong.

[shheadz]

Its called being normal are you so intellectually impaired that you cannot see how this is normal decent human behaviour ?

Another enlightening post from BoredGeorge. You are however partially correct. Your mom enjoys making you happy because it makes her happy. No one in this world does anything without some kind of person gain. That is psychology 101, and has been well established for almost a century. This is normal behavior.

I'm not talking about normal behavior. I'm talking about clingy, needy "nice guys" who base their own self worth on the happiness of others. The kind of people that can't feel good about themselves unless they're getting constant reassurance from another individual.

Or the Police should turn a blind eye to domestic violence. You marry a 'bad boy' that hits you, too bad, make the man his eggs. I think that would settle this argument.

What are you even talking about? How did we go from "nice guys" who dote on their girlfriends to the point of nausea, to "bad boys" that beat women?

The reason women like bad boys is that there are no accountabilities when things go wrong.

Where did you get that little gem of wisdom from?

[starbuck]

It's not a matter of whether if they like it or not. I don't see anything wrong with being a gentleman. I just think that nice guys but too much importance on "the little things". Now if he cooked me a meal or something and I just brushed it off or didn't show that I appreciated it... if he was angry and felt I was ungrateful, that's justifiable.

I dunno Coco, the little things go a long way with me. For example, I love it when my guy helps me carry groceries after we shop and my suitcase when we travel. I don't expect these things, and I'm certainly able-bodied enough to schlep my own stuff around. He just likes to make me happy. With no strings attached.

[Petit Papillon]

I dunno Coco, the little things go a long way with me. For example, I love it when my guy helps me carry groceries after we shop and my suitcase when we travel. I don't expect these things, and I'm certainly able-bodied enough to schlep my own stuff around. He just likes to make me happy. With no strings attached.

Yeah, it's nice when my bf takes more bags after shopping than I do or if I buy me clothes and bags are too heavy he takes it

[CocoChanel]

IMO he is supposed to carry the heavy loads. I'm not thanking him for that. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that my brothers were never told to do it... they just did it, no questions asked.

[Petit Papillon]

IMO he is supposed to carry the heavy loads. I'm not thanking him for that. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that my brothers were never told to do it... they just did it, no questions asked.

He is always asking me if it's not too heavy for me. If I think I took not enough I always ask the same.
...Ooops I'm slowly feeling like I'm already next to him wahoo

[vashti]

IMO he is supposed to carry the heavy loads. I'm not thanking him for that.

Why is he "supposed to"? If you are capable, then he would only be doing it as a matter of kindness, and it sounds absurdly bratty to not express appreciation for it.

[shheadz]

Why is he "supposed to"? If you are capable, then he would only be doing it as a matter of kindness, and it sounds absurdly bratty to not express appreciation for it.

I don't know your background, but ask a married woman if she thanks her husband every time he carries in the groceries, or takes out the garbage. There are some things men do as a matter of course.

I dunno... I'm with Coco's side. Maybe it's matter of upbringing. There are a lot of things men do for women -- opening doors, moving heavy stuff, killing bugs -- that don't need thanks. They're done just because it's a man's job to do them.

[vashti]

I don't care whose job it is. It is simply good manners to say thank you, and bad manners not to. I thank my assistants at work for doing their job, even though I know it's what they are supposed to be doing... it's good for morale, and makes them pleasant to work with. why would I not show the same courtesy to people in my private life?

And yes, I thank my husband for carrying groceries, opening doors, killing bugs, and taking out the garbage.

[shheadz]

I thank my assistants at work for doing their job, even though I know it's what they are supposed to be doing

Sure, but do you do it after every single little thing they do, or save it up till the end of the day/week? Even if you do it after every little thing they do, do you give them a resounding "THANKS!", or a simple casual "thank you". I say thanks when someone holds the door open for me, but I don't say, "Oh geez.. THANKS buddy.. oh man, you sure are swell". The kind of nice guys we're talking about wouldn't be satisfied with a casual thank you.

[vashti]

I tell them I genuinely appreciated their help when I ask them to do anything they might not have thought to do themselves, and I thank them at the end of every shift for their help. I mean it, too, and they like it. I know this because they TELL me they like it.

Really, I don't see what is so extraoridinarily difficult about having good manners and being appreciative of other people. It's all about treating people the way you want to be treated. You are supposed to learn about that in kindergarten.

[shheadz]

Sorry vashti.. You give a lot of good advice on these forums, and I respect you for that. But you're contradicting yourself.

I thank my assistants at work for doing their job, even though I know it's what they are supposed to be doing

I genuinely appreciated their help when I ask them to do anything they might not have thought to do themselves

You're telling me you both thank them for doing their normal job, and at the same time you're saying you only thank them when they go above and beyond the call of duty. In essence, you only thank them for the big things, not the little things that are expected of them.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. A woman doesn't need to thank his man for every little thing he does that expected of a man. Like opening doors. Now if he has a bubble bath going for you after you get off of work.. then yeah.. any person with manners would say thank you.

[vashti]

No, you don't understand. I am a nurse. The assistants have their routine care things they are supposed to do, such as check for incontinent patients every few hours. If a patient ends up wet/soiled in between, my assistant may not notice it (or frankly, may pretend they didn't notice it). If I ask for help to clean them up in between the normally scheduled times, I thank them for the extra help. It IS their job, but it wasn't on the schedule.

If I am getting ready to transfuse blood, vital signs must be taken every 15 minutes during the 1st hour. My assistants are supposed to do vital signs, but we don't transfuse patients every day, so when I ask them to run extra sets, I thank them for doing it.

They are not being asked to do something above and beyond; in fact, it is illegal for me to ask them to do anything outside their scope of practice. These things ARE a part of their job, but I still thank them because it takes extra effort. Additionally, because I really do appreciate the things they do for my patients, I thank them at the end of my shift for everything they do. They are pleased with being recognized, and they usually are willing to go the extra mile for me because they know I appreciate it because my patients benefit, and so do I.

Get it?