The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[shheadz]

but I still thank them because it takes extra effort

Yeah, I get it. You thank them for performing duties that take extra effort. We've already established that. This is -- once again -- no different than thanking a man for a bubble bath, but not for opening the door. The former took extra effort, and the latter is routine and expected.

Either way, this topic has careened off course, and I don't even know what we're bickering about.

[nightshades~]

I bet woman will value nice men, after they get to know what is it to be with the bad guy.. which in my opinion is dumb...

My bf was too nice, I took him for granted..when I went into the real world and knew what is it to be with bad guys I regretted every moment I took my nice bf for granted ...and all the time I was dumb and thought he is smothering me with his niceness..

Keep being nice, its the best gift god ever gave you so dont let it go waste

[CocoChanel]

Either way, this topic has careened off course, and I don't even know what we're bickering about.

The fact that there are some people who put too much into these things. No one is saying there is something wrong with being courteous but I do see something wrong with only being that way just for a damn reward or to make yourself feel better. From now on I'm going to pass out lollipops everytime some does something good and pat them on the head. (this is where the wack humor came in. next comes laughter)

[vashti]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"] I do see something wrong with only being that way [...] to make yourself feel better.

What's wrong with feeling good about expressing appreciation, which makes other people feel valued? It always ends up as a win/win situation for me.

[starbuck]

I think it's much better to show appreciation to a guy for the little things he does. It's your day-to-day interactions with one another that are going to ultimately keep you together as a couple.

I'd feel bad for a guy who only gets thanked when he buys a lavish gift or makes an elaborate romantic gesture. Nobody likes to be taken for granted.

[shheadz]

What's wrong with feeling good about expressing appreciation, which makes other people feel valued? It always ends up as a win/win situation for me.

There's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, it's how we were "designed". We evolved into social creatures because we're nearly incapable of surviving alone. The feeling of reward for helping others is the grease that makes the whole social machine work.

In the end I'm not talking about the types of "nice guys" that were simply raised to be kind to everyone. They'll let women walk all over them until they finally meet an equally nice girl. I'm talking about needy guys who are often confused with being "nice guys", because they're always bending over backwards to do nice things for people.

[BoredGeorge]

LOL @ the people arguing that being nice is 'bad' maybe you should just grow up. I am sure you think you are all so clever with your amatuer understanding of psychology but you are not as smart as your mother said you are so I doubt we're re-writing those books any time soon because of your silly opinions on an internet forum.

So for now nice still = nice = good. Can we leave it at that ?

[irrelevant_89]

I think the consensus was "nice is good, no self-esteem isn't". ;]

[CocoChanel]

George can't read. He can't get laid. He scares women just by walking into a room. He can't even get a woman whether he's nice or not. So what he has to say in this thread is irrelevant.

[shheadz]

I think the consensus was "nice is good, no self-esteem isn't". ;]

Hahah.. You're a little more succinct than me, but yeah.. that's the point.

[chump4u]

I think the consensus was "nice is good, no self-esteem isn't". ;]

Actually, the conclusion I get from all the arguments and "science" presented is that courteous and considerate behavior shows a lack of self-esteem.

[qwertz]

I havnt read through all this thread as i cant be bothered.

I like a guy that is genuine to himself and confident, that is a gentleman and has manners and is polite.
Yes i would call myself an independant woman, but I am a woman and not a man, i like to be treated as such, door opened, helped with heavy objects etc etc. But i want him to do it because thats what he wants to do, he wants to be gentlemanly in that way, and not because he feels he should.
The everyday little gestures may be small, but they all add up to become the bigger picture, and (with me at least) they dont go unnoticed or unappreciated and the little care and thoughfulness he has shown will be returned in other small and different ways from me, starting with a smile

[CocoChanel]

Actually, the conclusion I get from all the arguments and "science" presented is that courteous and considerate behavior shows a lack of self-esteem.

Not really. The OP asked why girls don't like nice guys and my point was that some nice guys tend to obsess, they are needy and clingy.

[BoredGeorge]

George can't read. He can't get laid. He scares women just by walking into a room. He can't even get a woman whether he's nice or not. So what he has to say in this thread is irrelevant.

Thats not nice.

'No self esteem' as you put it, and being nice are two different things.

Men should be nice to women and women should be nice to men. Anything else is completely ****ed up.

[BoredGeorge]

Not really. The OP asked why girls don't like nice guys and my point was that some nice guys tend to obsess, they are needy and clingy.

No, bitches and sluts tend to lead them on for the extra attention. Needy and clingy guys tend to be needy and clingy, they are not the 'nice guys'. The reason why it is reported that nice guys have trouble getting girls is because the good looking 'nice-guys' don't have time to complain because they are being snapped up quickly by hot chicks, who then get on their knees and perform fellatio on command so often that the staple proteins in their diets consist of semen, semen, sperm, spoof, semen and more semen, followed by a desert load of sperm.

The ugly ****ers are left complaining that no girls want them because they're nice, when in reality it is because they're ugly which has nothing to do with being nice.

The ugly not-nice guys are off banging hookers or trying to root fat chicks or generally just being jerks in other ways.