Please someone help!

[Oonaka]

I starting seeing a guy around two months ago, it all started in a chilled out bar. He, lets say John, struck me as such a lovely handsome guy. We had a really relaxed chat and agreed to meet up.

So we did a few weeks later, the date went so well, we totally hit it off and we were both really eager to see eachother again. Since John went out of his way to see me and then I made an extra effort too. Everything was so loevly and also so straightforward.

However (always a however), he just stopped calling last weekend. Thats it, just nothing. I sent his a message saying Merry Christmas and he just wrote back 'and you too!'.

I have no idea what to do - it has completly mystified me. Everything was so open and straightforward, no games at all, really honest and then stop, nothing.

I think aswell because I felt so happy with everything that I really did start to like him, usually I would be very stand-offish, and I just seems that now this time, when I let my guard down i have been comeplely betrayed. I know in a sense he owes me nothing, but at the same time I would love an explanation. I just think if I try to get one I will come across as some crazy women who isn't prepared to take a hint.

The last time we saw eachother, we had a really great quiet night together where everything seemed totally perfect, I think thats why I am so confused. I expected to see him a bit over the holidays - and as i said nothing. He has really hurt me..


What if any advice could anyone please give me, I really cannot get my head around this situation. Obviously I have spoken to a few close friend who of course say, what a horrible person to do that, or that youre such a great girl way to good for him obviously. But the problem is i really like him.

Help please!? Many thanks...

[shheadz]

I'm only going to tell you what your friends have already said. He clearly wasn't that great of a guy, or he would have had the courage to tell you he was no longer interested. You probably got lucky here, and you don't even know it.

[Oonaka]

Thanks Shheadz, I know everyone is right, it's exactly the advice I would give! Do you think it's unreasonable to try to get an explanation - or does that come across as needy, I think that's the part that's eating me up.

I am pretty strong person, but this had just really knocked me.

[shheadz]

I don't think needy is the word I'd use.. stalkerish maybe? haha.. Ok, that's a strong word, but it's something like that. Do you mind telling us whether you slept with him?

[Oonaka]

Do you really think thats stalkerish?

Doesn't someone deserve some sort of explanation, be a text or something when everything is going so well?

No didn't sleep with him, but wasn't a prude either. You see that's the thing we both were taking things slow in a really romantic way. He has stayed over with me ad visa versa and things got nice and steamy but no no sleeping together!!

[Oonaka]

Shame really i am sure it would have been great!!

[shheadz]

Do you really think thats stalkerish?

Depends on his mindset. Perhaps he was dating around, and someone else won out over you? He may think blowing you off was plenty of explanation if he's an experienced dater. Also is it possible he's just busy right now?

[Oonaka]

Yeah you're right. Didn't get the impression he was dating around though, we spent too much time together for that, he maybe a superman with his time though! Doubt he's that busy now, he wrks pretty hard but he's on a his xmas holidays now..

You reckon I should just hold off and leave it for my own dignity or just get in touch is a casual brief way? I'm not looking to get him back or anything its just all so inconclusive you know.

[shheadz]

It probably wouldn't hurt to ask him. I mean, if he's not interested, then you're not going to do any real harm. You'd only reach stalker territory if you pester him about it for days on end.

[Oonaka]

Thanks.

Yeah I wouldn't really be the stalker kind, so wouldn't really want to give that impression so thanks for the advice!

You know when you just want to put the whole thing to sleep.

Thanks Shheadz, strange isn't it how and total blank stranger can give you advice.

[shheadz]

strange isn't it how and total blank stranger can give you advice.

There are times when it's better that way. Friends and family are clearly biased, and will say whatever makes you happy. And sometimes it's just easier to talk to a stranger. Ever wonder why so many people tell their problems to bartenders?

[Oonaka]

Exactly I kinda of needed the whole brutal truth thing! He is just not that into me!! Thanks again.

[cmacattack1]

This is what happens when there isn't any honesty. Things absolutely break down.

It's your call. You can leave him alone and see if he talks to you. Or you can ask him if something is wrong and if you get a straight answer, you'll know, if not, you'll probably need to give him some space anyway.

Try not to get too wrapped up in it though. Too many times have I seen girls read into things and think it's their fault when more often than not it isn't. It won't do you any good.

[TimeToGrowUp]

There are times when it's better that way. Friends and family are clearly biased, and will say whatever makes you happy. And sometimes it's just easier to talk to a stranger. Ever wonder why so many people tell their problems to bartenders?

That's why I will no longer discuss my relationship issues with my mother. She was biased as all h*ll, always projecting onto me.

[Oonaka]

God my mother is completley useless - hates taking about dating and guys - it's very strange have no idea why.

Anyway a bit of feedback for you all got in touch with him and he wrote back after a few long hours a 1.15am saying that he was sorry about not getting in touch and that he has had a shit time in work and really busy over Christmas. And that he's sorry it didn't work out.

Oh well his loss! It's funny when I met him first I remember him saying for a straightforward, no bullshit guy he was - he should perhaps rethink that!

Thank you all for all your advice, you're great. I just needed that message just to put the whole scenario asleep. Needless to say still a bit confused, he was so keen up until a week ago, so keen and then boom - nothing.

You men folk are very strange!