Should I stay?

[adamls]

This is my first post, more of a question really. I've been going out with my girlfriend for 7 months now. Outside bed we get along great, almost like kindred spirits. But in the bed ... it's a different story. We aren't like the typical couple, in fact quite the reverse. She reaches orgasm quickly (3-7 minutes typically) then becomes sore afterwards for several minutes. Me, i'm unable to reach orgasm easily, it usually takes me a good 30 minutes. She doesn't have the stamina that i need with her hands, vagina, or mouth so i usually end up masturbating. I do not masturbate unless i'm unable to orgasm with her (not even on my own time away from her). We don't live together, we see each other on the weekends and we spend the night together. Also, over the past 3 months or so I've become disenchanted with her, and i can no longer see her physical beauty.

I'm wondering if i should leave her or stay. I do love her but i'm finding myself wanting someone more, someone better for me. I'm still with her and yet i feel guilty even thinking about leaving her, but i want to be happy.

[Gigabitch]

Sex matters. You aren't compatible. This is unlikely to resolve itself.

Have you ever been with someone that you were more compatible with, sexually?

[Spency]

I agree.

One of the biggest dividers in a relationship can be sex, different drives or different wants.

It does sound like she is trying, its up to you to decide whether you can stick with it.

[shheadz]

Just curious.. but why does it take you so long to get off?

[adamls]

She is my first partner. as for why it takes me so long? it could be one or more of many reasons, most likely i have what they call 'retarded ejaculation'. trust me, it's a real pain.

[shheadz]

I'm wondering if you're simply concentrating too hard on what you're doing, and you're unable to fully be in the moment.

[adamls]

It's the same situation if i concentrate or let go, although i'm never able to completely let go.

[Gigabitch]

What makes you think this girl who wants to go for 30+ minutes even exists? That is kind of a myth, actually, unless you're lucky enough to find a girl who takes an inordinate amount of time to orgasm as well.

[adamls]

It would be nice to find a woman who enjoys having sex for 30 plus minutes. while my current girlfriend enjoys sex a lot, since she gets sore afterwards it makes things difficult.

[Spency]

Without getting personal, can you get half way with other methods then go onto sex?

[shheadz]

My ex's ex did the same thing. Always had to finish himself off after sex, and it really trashed her self-esteem. Have you talked to her about this so she doesn't think the problem is her?

[Heratriumphant]

30+ minutes doesn't seem very long to me.

Maybe I'm a weirdo?

What you need is a multi-orgasmic lady. By the time you're ready to cum, she'll have gotten off 4 or 5 times.

[kms]

Just wanted to weigh in here - it usually takes me at least 30 minutes to orgasm. I always wish I could finish faster... I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. However, once I finish, after about 10 or 15 or so minutes, I start getting tender and need things to get wrapped up. I can still keep going but it's not really that fun.

With that being said, can't she start out doing other things for you first, like oral or giving you a hand job? Even if she had to do that for 30 minutes, I don't see that as impossible; I've done it.... really, it kind of sounds like she's a bit unwilling to work with you, in my opinion.

Being sexually incompatible can be a big, big deal. But first you need to get to the root of the issue; is it really that you have two completely different styles and needs, or are there other issues going on (like being close-minded, stubborn, selfish, inexperienced, having sexual dysfunction - stemming from abuse, a strict, conservative background, depression, other medical issues, etc...) are there compromises and new things that can be tried? Compromise can fix a lot of problems if both parties are willing to try.... but if, in the end, it all boils down to sheer incompatibility, it can make for a lifetime of frustration.

[adamls]

i can get about half way but the pause between that then sex is too long, even if it's a few seconds then i have to start over again.

I have spoken to her, she doesn't think that's it's her.

[adamls]

kms ... there are a few things going on behind the scenes, i'm trying hard to work them out with her, some are going well, others ... will end up taking awhile to deal with.