"Nice" rejection, or just the usual viciousness?

[chump4u]

I always assumed that the reason nine out of ten women immediately reject every man that approaches them is that nine out of ten women are bitches. Seemed like the obvious answer.

But I've read a few posts on LF that have made me reconsider. These posts all said something like: "OOh, he said 'Hello' to me and I screamed and ran away and I've avoided all contact since then. Do you think I still have a chance with him?"

From this it seems possible that some few of the rejections that guys receive every day might not be intentional viciousness, but rather the result of "Nice Girl Syndrome," of women who are so shy, insecure, and lacking in self-esteem that they cannot respond to courteous attention except by driving away the guy giving the attention.

Which brings me to the question: am I right? Do some girls run guys off out of pathological timidity? Have any of you girls ever rejected a guy because you were afraid he'd recognize that you weren't good enough for him?

Or was I right the first time, and it's all down to bitchiness?

[jessZ]

I don't think it's either. I think most girls just don't want to be mean. No-one likes being rejected and it can be really hard to know how to let a guy down tactfully. Shyness might be part of that, but I reckon overall it's not wanting to hurt the guy. Yeah sure there are also bitchy girls, but I personally don't know many girls like that and I really don't think that many humans go around being nasty for the sake of it.

[qwertz]

From this it seems possible that some few of the rejections that guys receive every day might not be intentional viciousness, but rather the result of "Nice Girl Syndrome," of women who are so shy, insecure, and lacking in self-esteem that they cannot respond to courteous attention except by driving away the guy giving the attention.

Why do you label insecure, shy and lacking in self esteem as 'nice'?

Does that mean women that are confident and not so shy, arent nice?

[jessZ]

Ha yeah good point.

[chump4u]

Yeah sure there are also bitchy girls, but I personally don't know many girls like that and I really don't think that many humans go around being nasty for the sake of it.

You don't get out much, do you?

Why do you label insecure, shy and lacking in self esteem as 'nice'?

Does that mean women that are confident and not so shy, arent nice?

I simply make an analogy to the "Nice Guy Syndrome," a theory pumped by Pick-Up Artists and feminists, which states that guys who are inordinately shy are "Nice Guys," by which is meant pathetic, wimpy, clingy, sneaking, selfish, vicious, insecure little villains, among other things. I don't mean to imply that shy girls are necessarily that pitiful, but I thought that " Nice Girl Syndrome" might serve to describe disfunctional shyness and insecurity.

As to what I think about women who are "confident"-- in the modern fem-speak sense-- well, let's not throw the thread that
far off topic.

[starbuck]

Which brings me to the question: am I right? Do some girls run guys off out of pathological timidity? Have any of you girls ever rejected a guy because you were afraid he'd recognize that you weren't good enough for him?

Well when you put it in such a non-loaded way...

From what I see, those posts you're talking about seem to be made by high schoolers, so I'd chalk it up to age. A teenaged girl may have no idea what to do with a guy once she's snagged him so there is probably a huge fear of intimacy at play.

[Gigabitch]

It's possible that nine girls out of ten aren't in the market for a new boyfriend and are just out with some friends trying to have an evening out. Maybe it has nothing to do with them being bitchy or shy, but simply not interested.

[girl68]

When I was single and approached I'd reject 9 out of 10 guys not because I'm a bitch, nor because I'm shy, or insecure I decline because I can tell if I will like you based on his opening line (yes, I judge his walk, his face, his opener and his body language), and 9 times out of 10 I don't like him.

[chump4u]

Remarkable.

This is the first thread I've posted asking a question. No one cared to address the question. Mistake on my part, I suppose. I'll write it off as a learning experience.

[CocoChanel]

I always assumed that the reason nine out of ten women immediately reject every man that approaches them is that nine out of ten women are bitches. Seemed like the obvious answer.

But I've read a few posts on LF that have made me reconsider. These posts all said something like: "OOh, he said 'Hello' to me and I screamed and ran away and I've avoided all contact since then. Do you think I still have a chance with him?"

From this it seems possible that some few of the rejections that guys receive every day might not be intentional viciousness, but rather the result of "Nice Girl Syndrome," of women who are so shy, insecure, and lacking in self-esteem that they cannot respond to courteous attention except by driving away the guy giving the attention.

Which brings me to the question: am I right?

No. You are not right.

Do some girls run guys off out of pathological timidity?

Some girls do. Some girls don't. It's just that damn simple.

Have any of you girls ever rejected a guy because you were afraid he'd recognize that you weren't good enough for him?

Or maybe it was the other way around... maybe the girl rejected him because she recognized he wasn't good enough for her. But neither one of them would ever know in either situation because They would be making that judgment based on appearance alone.

Or was I right the first time, and it's all down to bitchiness?

Or maybe the girl just isn't interested.

[vashti]

Do some girls run guys off out of pathological timidity? Have any of you girls ever rejected a guy because you were afraid he'd recognize that you weren't good enough for him?

Or was I right the first time, and it's all down to bitchiness?

I think if a girl has such low self esteem that she suspects she isn't "good enough" for a male who is interested, she won't give him the opportunity to ask her out... she will just avoid him all together.

[chump4u]

I think if a girl has such low self esteem taht suspects she isn't "good enough" for a male who is interested, she won't give him the opportunity to ask her out... she will just avoid him all together.

Vashti, I Love you! You actually tried to answer the question I asked! That must mean you read my post!

Thank you...Thank you...

I'm so happy!

[qwertz]

whereas i obviously didnt

[lahnnabell]

I've never rejected a guy because I thought he was too good for me. I figure, "Hey, he's going after me. What the hell do I have to be self-conscious about?"

HOWEVER, whether or not I let him pursue me is another story. I agree with girl68, that as a guy approaches, I'm sizing him up. Does he walk with his shoulders back? Is he smiling? Is he wearing his clothes well? And the first thing he says is very important. I had one guy make space for me at the bar one time. I thanked him, and instead of trying to strike up basic conversation he tried to go the funny route and said, "That'll be two dollars!" I just stared. He lost his composure and said, "Sorry, just... joking." I still stared. I figured it was best to just give an almost non-response because my other reaction would have been, "You should lay off the joking."

[lastwish]

I don't think it has anything to do with thinking you are too good for her. It is probably more likely that she is trying to test if you are good enough for her by making you pursue her more aggressively.