A social circle from scratch: can it be done?

[irrelevant_89]

So... after that debacle with my non-girl, I decided that it's time to actually get a life and be more social, and ultimately find a real girlfriend. Meet new people (including girls haha), and being generally able to hold my ground in common social situations.

Problem is... I kinda don't know where to start, because right now I have no real friends, only my college classmates and a couple more people, and only one female acquaintance! (my only girl classmate) So I need to extend my social circle somehow, and I was hoping you could give me some tips.

Further background: I go to college kinda far from where I live (going back and forth everyday, buses ftw), and pretty far away from all my classmates, which has prevented me from hanging out with them outside class. Plus, I just realized I don't know anyone in my home town! I used to know my high school mates, but we've all gone our separate ways now. Since I'm pretty much a stranger in my town, and you need partners to do most of the "hanging out" stuff like going to bars or cinemas or whatever, over the past few years my life has been college-home-shopping... kinda lame, yeah.

To get this running: how do I actually get to know new people? And where are the girls? xD I know the 2nd question is dumb, but it seems everywhere I go I only see and talk to guys. Seriously. >_>

[Gigabitch]

I've met about 90% of my friends in life through work. Get a social job, even a part-timer, and try that.

[irrelevant_89]

Unfortunately I can't do that, I'm already involved in a pre-research scholarship in my college. I'm pursuing an academic career as a physicist, so studying is my work... which of course doesn't help much towards my social development, but it's what I'm good at.

Bah I'm feeling really messed up. I feel that I don't really belong anywhere.. on one hand I want to meet people and make connections, but on the other, I often feel uncomfortable when around them, and better by myself or with my family... for example, my New Year celebration - a normal person would go out and "party hard" all night, but all I did was sit in the couch with my mom and sister watching TV till late, and I liked it - don't think I would have felt better anywhere else. Then again, more often than not I feel lonely, depressed and frustrated when I'm stuck in the house too long...

This probably all stems from not knowing the right people. bleh. Anyway, this is turning into a blog post... so an actual question. A while ago IndiReloaded suggested me to try and find a social hobby where I could meet new people, and I'm willing to follow that.

tl;dr: what is a good hobby that forces me to socialize and has a good female participation?

[shheadz]

Be true to yourself irrelevant_89. You sound like a quiet introverted person, and you've even chosen a career that gives you a lot of alone time. Don't try forcing yourself into social situations because you think "normal" people socialize more than you. You could end up making yourself miserable.

Do you drink? You could become a regular at your local bar. You're going to run into the same people there week after week, and to some degree you'll be friends with them. You'll talk about girls, politics, sports, etc.. and at the end of the night you can go home and eat cereal in front of the TV, or whatever it is you like doing. Heck, you may even hook up with some women from time to time.

And Giga is right. Once you're out of school you're going to become friends with your colleagues. They're going to be people with similar personality traits.

[vashti]

Although I am friendly with my colleagues, I keep them separate from my private life. It helps keep the drama level low at work.

Maybe you should try dance lessons/classes at your school? There is always a shortage of males, so you will be exposed to a lot of females.

[irrelevant_89]

I don't drink... and I know I should be true to my introverted ways... but that girl made things real hard for me. I really thought I had a chance, you know? Even though she shut me all doors for such a long time... I'm slowly snapping out of it, but loneliness has set in and it's making me miserable. Probably I wouldn't feel so bad if she had taken me for a while, then dumped me... but this way I miss the opportunity I never had, and I feel that I need to go out and find another ASAP.

Dancing eh?... that could work. My dad went to a couple of ballroom dancing classes a while ago, I'll ask him if there was a good amount of girls my age there. xD it doesn't get much more romantic than that :]

[shheadz]

Dancing eh?... that could work. My dad went to a couple of ballroom dancing classes a while ago, I'll ask him if there was a good amount of girls my age there. xD it doesn't get much more romantic than that :]

That's not a terrible idea, and it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. You'll not only get to be sociable, but you'll learn to dance. That will give you the confidence to strut your stuff at weddings, night clubs, etc.

[vashti]

I don't drink... and I know I should be true to my introverted ways... but that girl made things real hard for me. I really thought I had a chance, you know? Even though she shut me all doors for such a long time... I'm slowly snapping out of it, but loneliness has set in and it's making me miserable. Probably I wouldn't feel so bad if she had taken me for a while, then dumped me... but this way I miss the opportunity I never had, and I feel that I need to go out and find another ASAP.

Dancing eh?... that could work. My dad went to a couple of ballroom dancing classes a while ago, I'll ask him if there was a good amount of girls my age there. xD it doesn't get much more romantic than that :]

If you are at university, you can take classes there, and they will tell you where to go for recreational dancing.

[irrelevant_89]

Ok, I'll start looking at some alternatives both in university and my home town. I'm also considering some other options like acting classes, could be interesting.

[BoredGeorge]

Work is your only hope. College is useless for meeting people.

[BoredGeorge]

That's not a terrible idea, and it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. You'll not only get to be sociable, but you'll learn to dance. That will give you the confidence to strut your stuff at weddings, night clubs, etc.

hhhmm Americans must be very lame. That would never work in Australia as most girls would not go to ballroom dancing unless with their boyfriends who were also lame.

[shheadz]

That would never work in Australia as most girls would not go to ballroom dancing unless with their boyfriends who were also lame.

I hooked up with a couple Australian women, and they seemed no different than American women. In fact, Australia itself didn't seem very different than the U.S.. I was pretty disappointed.

[lahnnabell]

I've met a lot of amazing Aussies while traveling. They are spunky and adventurous and so easy to get along with. Hooked up with a really hot Aussie before coming home too. Yow!

Volunteering is a great way to meet like-minded individuals. However, you say you spend a lot of time in school and doing your research. I love animals so I like to volunteer at shelters and farms.

I made a lot of good friends through my jobs too. I met my current boyfriend through Yelp.com, a business review site. I wrote reviews about local businesses and chatted on the message board and was very slowly accepted into the local Yelp crew in San Diego.

[shheadz]

They are spunky and adventurous and so easy to get along with. Hooked up with a really hot Aussie before coming home too. Yow!

Oh hush! You just liked the accent. haha

[lahnnabell]

This particular guy was a bit TOO twangy for me, if that makes sense. We went on a date, and had quite a few pints, then went back to his room. (I was in Greece at the time)

My boyfriend and I had just broken up (yes, in Greece) and I wanted some lovin'.