men's talk

[chockies]

I've known my boyfriend for about a year now but we've only spent two weeks of time together.. ( we met online and he came to visit me in Japan )

When he was here,things went great and we had a great time together but soon after due to his visa condition and flight ticket, he had to leave here.. after he went back home, we've talked via messenger constantly.. We don't talk about marriage but he's coming back to me in April and he's planning to stay here for 3months... during his stay, I guess we will talk about what we want as a next step ..
Before he left Japan, he actually said that he loves me and now, he says that he misses me more and more. He doesn't really say he loves me so often but he does once in a while.. And I believe him.

Well,the reason why I'm posting this on 1st of Jan is that my doubt toward him is growing, unfortunately. Today, I stumbled into this football forum he is into very much.. Obviously, almost all the users in the forum are "tough guys" or "tough guy wannabees" I guess. Since they can't really see who're talking, they talk bluntly.. And I happened to find his posts under the "love relationship" category.. and he wrote there that "I'm coming back to Japan to see someone" and some guy asked him if the person is his love interest, then he replied , "I will know if she's my love interest when I come back to her"...... Ok.... I was quite shocked to read the posts..

We only had a short period of time together but I thought he would never lie.. I mean, he's quite extreme and he's not a kind of person who lies, or flatters somebody.. He says what he thinks and he's very logical. (at least, I thought so..) I still give credit to him as he'll give up everything and come back to me.. but honestly, I'm confused.

Do men talk differently once they are out with their dude friends?
sigh.. I don't know

anyway, thanks for reading this and I would appreciate any comments.

[SirWagginston]

Yes, men talk differently when with their guy friends, especially if those friends are "tough guys." It's considered uncool to talk about emotions and feelings in such circles. I can tell you this as a man who has always had "tough guy" friends, even though I'm actually pretty sensitive.

[chockies]

Yes, men talk differently when with their guy friends, especially if those friends are "tough guys." It's considered uncool to talk about emotions and feelings in such circles. I can tell you this as a man who has always had "tough guy" friends, even though I'm actually pretty sensitive.

thanks for your reply here !

Haha ^^ You actually sound like my bf,who once admitted that he's not really tough but he acts tough in a bar where all men from his town hang out. ( He doesn't go there so often any more but he's still got a reputation as a king of the bar.. and everyone is scared to bother him.. hahaha its actually hilarious )

[SirWagginston]

The important thing to remember, I think, is that you might be the only person in his life that he opens up to. That's how it's been with me in past relationships, and I've realized that can be a burden on the girl. If he's like me, though, he needs that outlet. That's a big if, of course, but what I'm saying is: don't let it drive you away.

[vashti]

After only 2 weeks together in person, I think his response was more than generous.

[phys251]

Hmm, what got to you more, the jock talk, or comments such as "'I will know if she's my love interest when I come back to her'"?

[chockies]

Hmm, what got to you more, the jock talk, or comments such as "'I will know if she's my love interest when I come back to her'"?

comments such as "I will know if she's my love interest when I come back to her"..

I mean, am I not even his love interest yet ?

He's very sweet and he's actually introduced me to one of his few female friends over msn and his niece, who is his favorite in his family member, although he was drunk when he put his niece on the phone..

[chockies]

The important thing to remember, I think, is that you might be the only person in his life that he opens up to. That's how it's been with me in past relationships, and I've realized that can be a burden on the girl. If he's like me, though, he needs that outlet. That's a big if, of course, but what I'm saying is: don't let it drive you away.

Should I just ignore what he said in the forum and believe what he says to me ?

The thing is that, I think, I will have to spend more time with him in person before I decide anything further about our relationship..

[IndiReloaded]

You've only spent 2 weeks together and you are already wondering about love and marriage?

You sound like one of these asian gals who's got her heart set on nabbing a Caucasian guy--any one will do, really.

Unless you want to freak this guy out and chase him away, you'd better get control of yourself and your insecurities. See how the 3 months together goes. Most couples need to spend a year or two *together* before deciding if they are ready for marriage.

[chockies]

You've only spent 2 weeks together and you are already wondering about love and marriage?

You sound like one of these asian gals who's got her heart set on nabbing a Caucasian guy--any one will do, really.

Unless you want to freak this guy out and chase him away, you'd better get control of yourself and your insecurities. See how the 3 months together goes. Most couples need to spend a year or two *together* before deciding if they are ready for marriage.

If this wasn't my issue, I would have said the same thing as you.

[ThaKing]

guys talk very differently around guys, but i wouldnt really take what he says online seriously. there could be a different mindset he's in and post something he doesnt actually mean, and you cant read his body language either in what he's saying. its hard to take seriously whats said online. and dont be a creeper and find his posts!

[eva1]

Yeah chockies everything people are saying is true, men talk differently around guys, im guilty of doing this myself.

[MetalPhoenix]

I've known my boyfriend for about a year now but we've only spent two weeks of time together.. ( we met online and he came to visit me in Japan )

When he was here,things went great and we had a great time together but soon after due to his visa condition and flight ticket, he had to leave here.. after he went back home, we've talked via messenger constantly.. We don't talk about marriage but he's coming back to me in April and he's planning to stay here for 3months... during his stay, I guess we will talk about what we want as a next step ..
Before he left Japan, he actually said that he loves me and now, he says that he misses me more and more. He doesn't really say he loves me so often but he does once in a while.. And I believe him.

Well,the reason why I'm posting this on 1st of Jan is that my doubt toward him is growing, unfortunately. Today, I stumbled into this football forum he is into very much.. Obviously, almost all the users in the forum are "tough guys" or "tough guy wannabees" I guess. Since they can't really see who're talking, they talk bluntly.. And I happened to find his posts under the "love relationship" category.. and he wrote there that "I'm coming back to Japan to see someone" and some guy asked him if the person is his love interest, then he replied , "I will know if she's my love interest when I come back to her"...... Ok.... I was quite shocked to read the posts..

We only had a short period of time together but I thought he would never lie.. I mean, he's quite extreme and he's not a kind of person who lies, or flatters somebody.. He says what he thinks and he's very logical. (at least, I thought so..) I still give credit to him as he'll give up everything and come back to me.. but honestly, I'm confused.

Do men talk differently once they are out with their dude friends?
sigh.. I don't know

anyway, thanks for reading this and I would appreciate any comments.

Yes...A lot of guys act tough when they're around their friends. I wouldn't worry too much about THAT if I were you.
I think there's more danger in the fact that you live so far away from eachother

[Raverboy808]

all of the responses were genuine. but you have to remember that you both are from different countries and the men of america are really different from the men of japan.

raverboy

[doppelgaenger]

I've known my gf for about 1.5 years and we've spent more than 2 months time together.

When we've been apart, we spent time every day with each other, usually about 2-4 hours. We i.m. and talk on skype and occasionally play games. I met her family and they respect me very much, and it seems like her parents love me as their son. She will meet my parents soon.

We talked about marriage very much since the beginning of our relationship. Everything has been very carefully planned since then. Our time together had to be scheduled in advance. All I know is that step of our life is postponed until sometime after my graduation from uni.

LDRs are very difficult and it takes two strong people, and a very passionate love to withstand the obstacles. "I love you" is something we say often. Things have been this way since the beginning of our relationship.

It doesn't sound like your relationship is turning out the same way. Especially since you're lurking about his privacy and 'stumbling' upon this doubtful stuff.