Opinions on "Casual Dating"

[LailaK]

I'm a big believer in the notion that until you have a conversation about exclusivity and both parties express that exclusivity is what they want, it safe to assume that you are both dating other people. In other words, until you are my boyfriend I will continue to date around.

For me this doesn't include sex (I can't see myself having sex outside of an exclusive relationship), but I don't hold the guy to this. He's not my boyfriend he can do whatever he wants and vice versa.

What's your opinion on casual dating?

~L

[lahnnabell]

I agree. Until you have that conversation, it's still an open market. However, if I REALLY like a guy, I'll personally hold off on seeing other people. Especially if he's devoting just as much time to me.

I casually dated one guy for a bit last year and we'd begun sleeping together. One night he texted me asking if I was sleeping with other people. I was confused and called him up right away to sort it out. He explained that he'd seen a Myspace comment on my page where some guy was jokingly mentioning something sexual. In reality I hadn't even met the guy who'd left that comment. I explained all this to him, and he felt better.

But I was still a bit confused. I supposed that was him telling me he wouldn't tolerate me sleeping around even though we'd decided that we'd keep things casual and not put pressure on one another for commitment. Eventually the attraction fizzled out anyway.

[Perryville]

I'm pretty casual about it. Until you have a conversation about exclusivity, you are not obliged to disclose anything to the person you are dating.

[LOVESEVERYONE]

I agree, If you are not exclusive with someone that you and the other person should be free and willing to hook up with whom ever you choose. But chose the people wisely cuz at the same time you need to protect your body as well as respect the safety of others, sex and std wise. Also do and expect what you feel you can handle as well as the other person. just remember that when you 2, whomever that may be if you do choose to become exclusive that neither of you should discuss whom you have been with or quantity, cuz those things should not matter since they were done before you were together and all it ever does is cause hurt feelings/insecurity/jealousy/some people may even be disgusted. But have fun, key word. Dont worry just have fun with one another and dont do anything that you will personally regret. Good luck!

[IndiReloaded]

Why call it dating at all? Its just socializing until you put a label on it. Lunch with a friend or colleague is not a date in the romantic sense of the word. Of course, in my anachronistic world 'socializing' doesn't include jumping in the sack.

[shheadz]

Casual dating is fine, but I don't think you need to sit down with each other and talk about exclusivity. By the 4-5 date, you might as well start forgetting the other people you might be seeing. Things are obviously going well enough between you that you're still going out together. You don't need to put a label on it yet, but you don't want your first argument being, "Oh yeah, a month after we started dating I was still sleeping with so-and-so."

Casual dating is absolutely not ok if you've already been in a committed relationship with each other. I think we all know that though.

[MVPlaya]

If I know I want to be in a relationship with the girl then I won't date other girls no matter what, no need to cause problems that will **** with me a few months down the line. If I'm unsure, i.e., it really is just casual dating, then yeah, we're all doing our own thing.

[MetalPhoenix]

It's weird to see people talking so easily about seeing and dating other people when there are also people who can't even get 1 date :p

[LailaK]

Hmmmm. I guess I just feel a little uncomfortable.

After getting rejected by someone I liked I jumped head first into dating a bunch of guys. Again, no sex, just dating.

Eventually I met one that I really liked. and then yesterday I had a first date with another guy that I really like. He wants to meet up again soon. These are both really awesome guys, cute, smart, sweet. I could easily see myself in a good relationship with either of them.

It's in the very early stages with both guys. I know they are dating other people and they know I'm seeing other guys.

I feel uncomfortable because I've never been in the situation where I like more than one person. I don't like it. It feels too close to cheating even though it's not. I know I'm not doing anything wrong so why does it feel that way?

[lahnnabell]

Hehe, well Phoenix, I've noticed that there are different categories of people on this site. Those of us that have been dating for years, been in a few/several long-term relationships, had a lot of good/bad sex, dumped others and been dumped, etc. And there are other dating newbs that are seeking advice on how to ask girls out, how to initiate sex/intimacy, how to talk to women, what to do about their failing relationship/marriage.

The joining line is that we all have a desire to help one another and be helped. This forum is great. I wish I'd found it in high school.

[lahnnabell]

Hmmmm. I guess I just feel a little uncomfortable.

After getting rejected by someone I liked I jumped head first into dating a bunch of guys. Again, no sex, just dating.

Eventually I met one that I really liked. and then yesterday I had a first date with another guy that I really like. He wants to meet up again soon. These are both really awesome guys, cute, smart, sweet. I could easily see myself in a good relationship with either of them.

It's in the very early stages with both guys. I know they are dating other people and they know I'm seeing other guys.

I feel uncomfortable because I've never been in the situation where I like more than one person. I don't like it. It feels too close to cheating even though it's not. I know I'm not doing anything wrong so why does it feel that way?

Laila, I was in your spot last year. I'd been in lots of long-term relationships over the years, but never taken a time out to just date. I finally did after my ex and I split in March. (I was gonna be damned if I was just gonna sit inside and weep!)

It's all about having YOUR priorities in order. I know you like these guys, but this casual dating is about finding what YOU want. Don't let these men dictate how you want to see yourself or live your life. It's when we start to settle for less than we deserve that we get ourselves into these dramatic and unhealthy situations.

So just relax. Don't worry that you're gonna hurt someone. As long as your honest and upfront, you'll be fine. If some dude wants to get all butt hurt 'cause you're casually dating multiple guys, then he was a baby and you can just cut him loose. Don't start attaching your self-worth to these guys.

[LailaK]

That's great advice, Lahnnabell. Thanks. I keep forgetting that I'm not attached to anyone and it's "ok" to think about myself first right now.

[CAM]

Dating is a marketplace like any other. Some people quickly develop brand loyalty while others don't. Some people develop brand loyalty for good reasons, while others do it because they are too lazy to look for something better.

The remnants of the Victorian Era lead us falsely to believe that there is more to it, but in most cases there isn't. If you want deep love and friendship, then those are as rare as any other form of love or friendship. Often, it is but a partnership and its about getting the best you can. Life is but a one-time event, so better to choose wisely from a large pool of candidates.