"What are you thinking?"

[fun2bwith45]

Hey everyone sorry to make my first post a question but this has really been getting to me.

Background: 19, in college, some sexual experience (5 partners), little to no relationship experience, can be shy/prone to not saying much.

The Situation:Everytime I'm getting intimate with a woman (making out ect.) she ALWAYS asks "What are you thinking?"

I never know what to say to this in part because I introverted and not the type of person that can express my feelings in words..or at least it doesn't come naturally to me and in part because I am usually just thinking about the situation at hand. What are girls looking for here? For me to say some overbearing philosophical statement? I have no idea how to answer this and feel my answer each time has been poorly constructed.

[starbuck]

What are you thinking she's thinking?

[QueenofCorona]

I've actually only seen girls do that in the movies or on tv. I've never done that. Maybe its a local thing in your country? I don't know. Seems awkward. Maybe they're fishing for compliments, "I'm thinking you are a dope kisser, baby." or maybe like, "I think we should move this to the bedroom."

I don't know.

[Coco]

Well... what are you thinking? When you are having sex with your partner... are u distracted? They are asking that question because you are probably in a daze. You need to step you sex game up so that she is only moaning and yelling and not asking stupid ass questions.

[lahnnabell]

Some women ask this because they want to know you're turned on. It's like an easy way to segue into talking dirty. They want to know what turns you on, and that it involves her.

[n/a]

Well... what are you thinking? When you are having sex with your partner... are u distracted? They are asking that question because you are probably in a daze. You need to step you sex game up so that she is only moaning and yelling and not asking stupid ass questions.

This has usually been the case with most of the more experienced partners I had as I was gaining my own experience. You should pick a detail about her before going in. Better yet, pick two. One to compliment about when you first see her. The second for when you ineveitably zone out . When this happens, and the question arises, add in the second compliment and roll with it from there as lahnabell has suggested:

Some women ask this because they want to know you're turned on. It's like an easy way to segue into talking dirty. They want to know what turns you on, and that it involves her.

^Woe betide you if you do not heed this advice.^

My earliest relationship was with a girl who was almost as neurotic as I was in high school. My only advantage was the charisma I had that got her interested in the first place. Needless to say this had a lot to do with her reactions to anything I said about her. For example, if she asked "what are you thinking?" outside of lovemaking, I felt a little more comfortable expressing what was on the tip of my tongue. However, when the question was roused during intimate contact of any sort, the matter became much more personal and I learned to be more careful with what I spat out spontaneously.

In short, keep a compliment or two at the ready. It doesn't hurt, it's not a lie, and it will give you time to think of how to properly articulate your thoughts or whether you even should do so or not.

[shheadz]

Sort of on topic (well, not really), so I'm not going to start a new thread for it. I slept with a girl for the first time a couple weeks ago, and she moaned my name a couple times. When I talked to her a couple days later she asked why I hadn't done the same. Is it just me, or is the first time (or even first few times) too soon to be moaning another person's name? To me that seems like something you do once you have a stronger emotional connection with the person.

[lahnnabell]

shheadz, I totally agree with you on this. Moaning someone's name is VERY personal for me. I have to have a special connection with the person (and they have to be good enough in bed) for me to start singing praises to them.

Saying a man's name in bed, for me, is a very vulnerable act. It's similar to saying, "I love you" because you are acknowledging that person's power over you.

[Neo(n)]

Thread Jack!!

Anyways... your answer should really depend on the mood and the situation, if your in the bedroom getting ready for some love making (emphasising the word love here) then give her a compliment about how lucky you are or how beautiful she is. If your making out of the sofa and things get hot and sexy, then say something like, i think it's time to move this to the bedroom.

Spend a few minutes thinking through situations in your head like these, and come up with some answers that you could use in the situations, if you do this enough, eventually, you'll be able to come up with stuff on the sopt =)

[starbuck]

Could be she's just trying to break an awkward silence. I wouldn't read too much into it TBH.

[TheWizard]

Could be she's just trying to break an awkward silence. I wouldn't read too much into it TBH.

But doesn't that imply that the sex is lacking? There shouldn't be a care about awkward silences if the sex is good...

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't ask someone that unless he seemed to be thinking about something other than me while we were getting intimate. If he's got his hand up my shirt but he's staring at the ceiling and looking bored, yes, I will start asking questions.