I lost my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend

[shheadz]

It's the only good thing that I got out of all this I guess. I still miss her like crazy, but I couldn't take her back any time soon if she wanted to get back together because I just don't trust her anymore, and to me a relationship with no trust is pointless.

I understand. Why invest more time and energy into a relationship with her, when she might pull a stunt like this a couple months down the road. Even if you do decide to give her a second chance, I'd make her sweat it out a bit. Make sure she knows you're no one's chump.

[lhn]

Yeah, completely agree with Shheadz

[aerokissfloyd]

Thank you guys.

I don't think there will be any need for second chances though.

She called me crying today, saying she was sorry for the way she acted and that I didn't deserve it. Of course, I figured that she had realized she made a mistake and wanted to maybe work things out, until I realized that she's not crying for me, but for her ex. He apparently led her on and then dropped her for some other girl, and she's been crying over this like crazy.

So, I find that there really isn't anything else to do but move on. I did all I could to calm her down and cheer her up, but in the end it's the asshole who won, and I ultimately lost.

This is going to be pretty hard though, considering I forgave her and told her we could be friends. She's going to probably end up coming to me with every guy problems she has and that's going to end up ripping me up inside.

Do you guys have any suggestions about how I could get over her quickly? I'm tired of the continuous sharp pains I feel thanks to all this, and I'm not going to try to win her back because it would be absolutely pointless.

[SirWagginston]

If you really think she's crying to you over her ex, you should tell her to **** off and never contact her again. I don't think she deserves any emotional support from you.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, it used to be about her and the relationship you guys had. Now it's all about you. Do whatever you need to do and whatever makes you happy. If she keeps talking to you and you can't keep talking to her, just tell her you need that space from her. Or you can be honest about the fact that you still care about her but you can't do this now. Either way, you can be more tactful than "**** off".

[shheadz]

Do you guys have any suggestions about how I could get over her quickly? I'm tired of the continuous sharp pains I feel thanks to all this, and I'm not going to try to win her back because it would be absolutely pointless.

Yeah, don't be friends with her. It'll just prolong the agony. You either have to get over her now, or when your friendship finally dissolves -- like when a new boyfriend tells her to stop being chummy with her ex. One way or another the pain is going to come. It will hurt less to do it now.

If you think about it, is she the kind of person you'd even want in your life? Even as a friend? Do you usually make friends with people that trash other people's emotions? Do you make friends with people that disrespect you? You're under no obligation to remain friends with her, even if you said you would. She didn't keep her unspoken promise to love and not hurt you, so don't keep your promise to be a friend.

[aerokissfloyd]

Yeah. I know you guys are right. It just seems that I felt worse when we weren't on speaking terms than now. Right now I feel a lot better than then, because when we weren't talking I felt like my insides were getting ripped up.

I think if she brings up another guy problem, I'll tell her to not come to me about that. I don't want to get her out of my life for some reason. I know I should, but I care about her way too much to do that. However, I'm pretty sure should a new boyfriend show up, and he was to tell her to quit being friends with me she might give me the boot and stop talking to me. I have to have some slight bit of faith that she wouldn't do that, but you never know.

I guess dating around and not asking about her problems could help if I end up not being able to break the friendship. And I'll take the I care but can't do this now approach if she brings up any more guy problems.

[whyme87]

It wont even be her new b/f once she's got her pussy filled with the new lads d!ck and her bed time cuddles and kisses from this new guy why would she need you? Only to make her feel better whilst you suffer.I'm exactly like you I love and care about her so much and she is a stunning looking girl and she was my best friend before he popped along ahe said "i cant lose you you're my best friend" then her new bf became single and she text "i hate you i want you out my life" and changed her number.

I got shit on and you will too.it's hard because she's out having fun and i'm on a broken hearts forum. Yeah lifes shit haha

[shheadz]

Using friendship to avoid the nastiness that comes after a breakup isn't a real solution. It's exactly what she's doing to you. The difference though is you're the one left holding your d!ck, while she's out scouting for new guys. Dude, you're being used! Is that really what you want?

[aerokissfloyd]

No, it isn't what I want at all. It's the reason I'm going to start dating again once I'm ready, and I will make sure she knows that I won't be the shoulder to cry on about other guys. If she keeps on doing that, I will tell her that I can't be her friend.

And she's not going to be trying to get some d!ck because the girl is one of the most conservative people I've ever met and is still a virgin. She's one of the "no sex till marriage" types. Not saying it couldn't happen with some new guy.

But you guys are right. I won't be used as a shoulder to cry on, or any of that bullshit. I'll talk to her about it and make sure she knows where I stand.

[lhn]

Personally, I tried being 'friends' with my ex after she broke my heart and got with someone I know within 10days of our split. She slept with him when I still lived with my ex although we weren't officially together at that stage.

After 4 months of struggling to understand how I feel about her, after swinging between wanting to be friends and not I have finally realised... the only reason I wanted to be friends with her was to make sure I wasn't burning bridges for some kind of future reconcilliation. Well, that was neivity on my part.
When she slept with her new guy she wasn't think "god I hope I can stay friends with lhn"... she wasn't thinking about me in the slightest.

So screw it!

I told her on thursday last week that we couldn't be friends and I want a plutonic working relationship.

I miss my girlfriend and I miss my best friend but it only works if the other one does too. She doesn't and she's told me so.

[charles457]

I feel bad already for you, but the best thing to do is forget about her and erase her from your life. Start over and be more cautious. That really sucks!

[aerokissfloyd]

Well, I did it. I told her we shouldn't speak for a while, and to be honest, I'm not happy with my decision. It doesn't feel like I made the right choice.

She protested, and got upset. She said she didn't want to not talk, and wanted to remain friends. In the end she gave up, and I could tell she was upset about it. She said she'd give me what I wanted. She has said she misses me though. I'm just afraid that if I wasn't a rebound before, I'm just the guy to cry to when things go wrong now. I want my love back. I want to bring everything back.

But as I said before I won't beg.

It sucks really. I love the girl to death. More than I have ever loved anyone outside my family. I am going to miss her more than anything. I understand that maybe this is the best way to get over her.

It doesn't make it suck less....

[TheWizard]

the problem is that 5-6 months falls in the "fairy tale" zone. Every new INFATUATION lasts about 5-6 months. After that the two of you better have something really going for each other or it falls apart very quick. Sounds like a rebound.. and it's going to sting for a bit.