Phone relationship - How to handle?

[raz1337]

I'm 23 years old and in community college. I had this friend I met online 10 years ago that I got a phone number from a few years ago. She lived in Florida, but she was like my best friend. Anyway, back in March or April, she decided to give my phone number to a 16 year old friend of hers that was going through some family issues and needed someone to talk to. So, from then on, I texted this 16 year old back and forth, daily, talking about my day and hers and such.

She turned 17 in August, and in early December, I called her out of the blue for the first time to ask her about a pet I was looking at that I found out she also had. I called her a few more times, and we kept texting, then I found her wanting to come to North Carolina where I live to see me for Christmas. I convinced her not to, but we continued to talk on the phone for 2-3 hours at a time starting at the beginning of our holiday break each night.

We got insanely close, and I found her becoming my best friend. After talking to our mutual friend, I realized I wanted to be closer to the 17 year old, and ended up calling her and asking her to be exclusive with me. We've become completely connected the last few weeks, sharing anything with each other and being so completely honest that it's scary. Her parents are going through a divorce and I'm in the middle of beginning therapy for a personal issue. The extent to which she reassures she'll work through my problems together with me makes me adore her.

Our mutual friend is getting married in March, and I've scheduled time to go down to see her for Valentine's Day and the wedding in March. We're so excited and are counting down the days. We text and talk on the phone throughout the day, and send each other random pictures from our phones of each other. I've looked at Florida laws and says she's legal since I'm under 24 and she's over 16. We've pretty much eliminated any boundaries on our communication. The only thing we're lacking right now is the physical contact.

I'm just wondering what others have to say and if there's anything I should be concerned about. We both have acknowledged the difficulty we're facing by the nature of our relationship, and have agreed we'll take it one day at a time. Any advice?

[Lovable]

That's pretty much all you can do is take it day by day with her. In LDR's it's hard, but if you communicate openly & freely it should be OK.

[Gigabitch]

Your personal responsibility in this relationship will be ten times what it might be with someone your own age. She's very young and in the middle of a personal crisis. This looks like you're taking advantage of her, not just to me, but to almost everyone you will meet. There just aren't that many people who will be in support of this.

When I was 16, I had a 23-year-old chasing me and I thought it was the most flattering thing in the world. I'm sure I appeared to be fully mature and ready for a guy that old. I wasn't. He treated me like most 23-year-old guys treat girls (in a cavalier fashion) and it shredded me. I still hate him.

You had better be the picture of the perfect boyfriend to her. Your relationship is NOT equal and never can be, so just remember that as you blithely go forward.

[Twister]

My only advice to you would be to not be too optimistic, even be pessimistic about meeting her if you can. The reason I say this is that things between you may be very different in person and if things don't go the way you were hoping, it would be pretty devastating for you. So try and be constructively apprehensive, if that makes sense.

And of course, good luck!

[girl68]

I think the last 2 posts are great advice.