A bad week or is this here forever.

[shheadz]

Defiantly a bad week. Maybe that's a good thing. Just let all the bad shit happen in one week. Kind of like pulling off a bandaid in one quick motion. At least next week can't get any worse, right?

[ecojeanne]

i'm sorry to hear about the attack, it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

considering where you work how do you know your computer isn't monitored? so everything you type personal they (your employers) have on record?

[Aeradalia]

Things will get better Coco... sorry to hear about the attack.

Though you responded in a similar way that I did when I was attacked nearly 7 years ago. I don't think they ever did find that guy... hell, he might not have survived the stab to the inner thigh I gave him. Anyway... I find I'm at my most calm and collected when the world is in chaos... and a near nervous wreck in silence --- the calm before the storm just eats away at me. Though I have learned to be a little more trusting as time goes by.

The numbness you feel may be a form of emotional shock --- use this time to get everything in order and ready for all those bad feelings to finally hit, because believe me, they will. Just keep going to work, keep your car running, and keep the bills paid up. Everything else doesn't matter too much... and if you find yourself being extra forgetful, it's ok... that's normal.

Keep your chin up... you'll make it.

[ecojeanne]

aera, you sound pretty down most of the time on here.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah Coco.. sorry to hear about your week. The rapist thing? Holy shit. Maybe you can find some big guy to walk you to your car at night? Maybe nows a good time to get rid of all the negative elements in your life, including your nitwit friend.

I agree with this. Use this time for a good life housekeeping. Be safe, stay strong.

[Aeradalia]

aera, you sound pretty down most of the time on here.

I'm making my way through a sequence of rough patches -- the actual events being fairly easy, whereas sorting out the lessons learned in your mind can be more difficult.

I suppose it's the searching for the silver lining during a storm that becomes quite tiresome. You know the sun is still shining, but damn if you can see it. One of those "have faith" times of life that really puts a skeptical, distrusting sort like me to the test.

Though I am planning on finding a better job (one that's closer anyway)... transferring to a different college... and getting myself out in the open around people who are actually going somewhere. Rednecks are hard working folks, but inspiring, they are not.

[ecojeanne]

Rednecks are hard working folks, but inspiring, they are not.

one doesn't need to be inspired by others to be happy. it brings to mind the story gribble told about his father meeting the fisherman. well that's the story of living. contentment is attainable by anyone if they truly want it and it is the key to happiness. good luck.

[Coco]

Thanks! A lot. I feel encouraged. I have some motivation. I want to get to the point where I look back at this and say,
Thank goodness it's over.

[Aeradalia]

one doesn't need to be inspired by others to be happy. ....

We're social animals... depression and continuous solitude are invariably linked. In the environment I'm in, I am alone. Yes, there are people... and yes they are kind... but intellectual equals they are not. They do not share the same interests as me... they do not view life the same way as I do... and they will never fully understand me.

It's ok... it's nothing I hold against them. They're happy where they are... I'm not, and my unrest doesn't do either of us any good. And quite frankly, I grow tired of pretending to be something I'm not just for the sake of conformity.

I'm happiest when I'm around others who are in the same category of weird I am... do like to lose themselves to "what-if" scenarios at times... are artistic... and work to keep that nearly child-like curiosity about life's intricacies alive.

When I ask "gee I wonder why it's like that?"... it'd be nice to have someone say something other than "...because."

contentment is attainable by anyone if they truly want it and it is the key to happiness.

Not much point opening a door when the key is what you want anyway... eh? Little bit of fuzzy logic just for fun.

Basically you're saying the only way to be happy... is to be happy?

If I were already happy, I wouldn't be looking for a way to be happy.

....

Yes, happiness is partially internal... but often times, it's in response to something external. Even who you are is both an internal and external concept depending on whether you are referring to your own feelings/thoughts or your place in society or life in general.

[Indignant]

We're social animals... depression and continuous solitude are invariably linked. In the environment I'm in, I am alone. Yes, there are people... and yes they are kind... but intellectual equals they are not. They do not share the same interests as me... they do not view life the same way as I do... and they will never fully understand me.

It's ok... it's nothing I hold against them. They're happy where they are... I'm not, and my unrest doesn't do either of us any good. And quite frankly, I grow tired of pretending to be something I'm not just for the sake of conformity.

I'm happiest when I'm around others who are in the same category of weird I am... do like to lose themselves to "what-if" scenarios at times... are artistic... and work to keep that nearly child-like curiosity about life's intricacies alive.

When I ask "gee I wonder why it's like that?"... it'd be nice to have someone say something other than "...because."




Not much point opening a door when the key is what you want anyway... eh? Little bit of fuzzy logic just for fun.

Basically you're saying the only way to be happy... is to be happy?

If I were already happy, I wouldn't be looking for a way to be happy.

....

Yes, happiness is partially internal... but often times, it's in response to something external. Even who you are is both an internal and external concept depending on whether you are referring to your own feelings/thoughts or your place in society or life in general.

i actully agree with eco on being happy. if you choose to be happy then you will.

[Aeradalia]

i actully agree with eco on being happy. if you choose to be happy then you will.

If you choose to have a nice house... you'll have a nice house.. right?

Nothing is achieved without some expenditure of energy... that includes inducing certain emotions. "Willing" oneself to feel a certain way doesn't work... if it did, every woman on the planet would be willing herself to fall for Mr. Right, and not struggling with wondering why she keeps falling for Mr. Wrong.

All that sounds nice "if you choose to be happy then you will"... but it's not saying you will be happy instantly... it's insinuating that you will make the effort to become happy via whatever means necessary.

[Indignant]

If you choose to have a nice house... you'll have a nice house.. right?

Nothing is achieved without some expenditure of energy... that includes inducing certain emotions. "Willing" oneself to feel a certain way doesn't work... if it did, every woman on the planet would be willing herself to fall for Mr. Right, and not struggling with wondering why she keeps falling for Mr. Wrong.

All that sounds nice "if you choose to be happy then you will"... but it's not saying you will be happy instantly... it's insinuating that you will make the effort to become happy via whatever means necessary.

hmmm, no to all of that.

being and having are not one the same.

[ecojeanne]

my point is that if you can just realise that you have moments that you don;t fully apppreciate at the time coz you're so busy complaining. i've done this myself, as i'm sure most others have but as you get older you realise what you've actually got. if you force a smile when you're blue it actually does lift your mood. it's a fact

[Aeradalia]

hmmm, no to all of that.

being and having are not one the same.

Happiness is a frame of mind -- a state of being. It's not something you "have," but is something you have to work towards achieving.

[Aeradalia]

my point is that if you can just realise that you have moments that you don;t fully apppreciate at the time coz you're so busy complaining. i've done this myself, as i'm sure most others have but as you get older you realise what you've actually got. if you force a smile when you're blue it actually does lift your mood. it's a fact

Ecojeanne... I'm not some kid fresh from highschool... nor am I someone who is so intent on complaining as to miss all the "finer things in life." So, let's refrain from summarily dismissing me as some one dimensional archetype.

This forum does not portray me as accurately as I would appear in real life. Here, my thoughts are more freely expressed, since there is little backlash here. In real life, I do not talk very much, unless it is in the company of friends or on a topic that piques my interest. In all other scenarios, I am courteous, reticent, and thoughtful even toward strangers. I do stop to "appreciate a sunrise" and do remind myself of all that I have.

However, it's not a failure to see what is plainly before me that is the problem. It's the fear that it won't always be there. Somehow I'll lose all that makes me happy... my plans will not come to fruition... I'll be left with nothing -- over and over again. This makes me very protective of what I do have and very, very distrustful of life in general.

Forcing a smile out of the blue does not lighten my mood... instead it references negative memories from long ago. Memories that leave me feeling nervous, embarrassed, and less of a person. There are very few things which do not bring about some sense of fear or anger... and it's very difficult to stop such "avoidance" loops, and learn to trust that things will be different... and maybe even better than the past has shown.

My biggest problem is fear, not lack of appreciation. That is what makes me so unhappy. Fear that at any given moment for any reason... everything will be lost, and I'll be helpless to stop it or prevent it. This irrational fear brings up the idea of "what's the point of even trying?" And the only way to prove that all I'm doing is worthwhile is to stay the course and hope it won't all go away.