A bad week or is this here forever.

[Coco]

Recently I broke up with my fiance. He moved out and I haven't spoken to him since. I haven't spoken to anyone really. I'll reply to emails and texts but I've been quiet around everyone. I guess I don't have much to say and I am a lot calmer for some reason. I almost feel numb but at peace at the same time. I find myself staring and smiling at people as they pass me by even though inside I am really hurting, lost and confused.

A friend of mine came to see me and when she found out I was single... she reminded me of all the reasons I think she is an airhead. "Omgosh why? He has so much money and he wanted to buy you a house. Look at all the things he buys you." Um... hello? What about how mean he was to me?! I didn't say much I just stared at her and eventually she said I was being weird, anti-social and she left soon after. Good riddance.

This is a really bad week, not sure if I am always going to feel this way or it's just the week.

It didn't help that I was grabbed from behind while leaving the girls restroom from the warehouse department. I normally don't use that restroom but it was an emergency and it was closest. The guy scared the living shit out of me. Tried to scream but he covered my mouth with his hand and rammed my head into the wall. Eventually I broke free and he grabbed me again but I had time to yell. Two warehouse workers on the dock came to my assistance and chased the guy but he got away. We believe he is the same guy who attacked another co-worker in my building and the loading dock isn't secured well. My nerves are bad all over. To makes things worse when I was leaving work, I saw my ex, one that i was with before Anako, one who was very abusive and traumatized me severely. I hadn't seen him in a long time. He stared at me... made me feel so scared. I ran to my car and drove away.

I am almost certain I will have trouble sleeping tonight and my aide will have another easy night of work and not much to report. I guess I just needed to vent, some kind words would help to. I'm just really down and need some lift up.

[Heratriumphant]

<hugs>

When your depressed it always feels like it's going to last forever. It doesn't. Just be gentle with yourself right now, you've made a huge step, and the right step.

Your friend is a shallow nitwit. It makes sense that your withdrawling right now after the end of a LTR we need time to get introspective and discover who we are now, it's never fun but it helps us to learn and grow as people.

Maybe consider finding a counselor to help you explore why you've dated abusive or cruel men and how to break out of the cycle.

I'm pround of you, your ex was emotionally and psychologically abusive, it takes allot of strength to break free of someone like that.

Take care of yourself and be careful at work Hun!

[Mish]

It didn't help that I was grabbed from behind while leaving the girls restroom from the warehouse department. I normally don't use that restroom but it was an emergency and it was closest. The guy scared the living shit out of me. Tried to scream but he covered my mouth with his hand and rammed my head into the wall. Eventually I broke free and he grabbed me again but I had time to yell. Two warehouse workers on the dock came to my assistance and chased the guy but he got away. We believe he is the same guy who attacked another co-worker in my building and the loading dock isn't secured well. My nerves are bad all over.

Wow! You have a rapist on the loose at your workplace. Someone should notify the police and the management, it's a matter of occupational health safety. I think it's understandable if you lose sleep over it, it's a scary experience to go through. Hope the guy will get caught soon and gets to experience some of that at the local prison.

As far as your ex goes, you are the best judge of what's good for you. Don't rely on friends who don't understand you. Maybe the reason why you are at peace is because you know that chapter of your life is over and you won't have to put up with it anymore.

[Coco]

@ Hera... Counselor sounds good. Just trying to build up the strength to talk about everything in detail... especially about my past. I don't know how to get to that point. I must be caught in some webs.

@Mishamaka... police are aware and so is management. I am certain now they will add security to the warehouse department now that this has happened.

[Heratriumphant]

Coco, a good couselor will teach you how to talk about those things. The first time I went to therapy I sat there and cried the whole hour, because I couldn't find the words. My therapist understood and worked with me till I could easily say what I needed to.

Amazingly from that point it only took me a year to "graduate" from therapy. The sooner you start the soon you have the tools you need to deal with your emotions and your past.

Don't hold yourself back for fear you can't "do it right."

[girl68]

I have few words but:

-no it won't be like this forever.
-pain heals with time.
-counsellors will help you.
-surround yourself with better non-golddigging friends.

*hug*

[QueenofCorona]

Maybe you can call a friend or family member over to sleep over? You'd feel safer and maybe can talk to someone you trust. Its one thing to get it out here but sometimes it helps more to actually speak the feelings, maybe even cry some. Better days are always around the corner.

[girl68]

Did cocochanel die when coco was born?

[Coco]

I'm going to get back on that hunt for a counselor. My progress slowed onced I told Anako to move out and don't talk to me anymore.

@Corona... I have an aide that is here every night. Em... I have sleep disorder so my sleep is effed up every night. I am participating in sleep medicine study for my sleep disorder.

[Illusional]

back and forth, back and forth....

raverboy

[shheadz]

Ah Coco.. sorry to hear about your week. The rapist thing? Holy shit. Maybe you can find some big guy to walk you to your car at night? Maybe nows a good time to get rid of all the negative elements in your life, including your nitwit friend.

[Coco]

No Kidding. I don't hang out with them as much. Being around them makes me feel just as stupid. As far as that guy being a rapist... I have no idea if he were going to rape me or not. It didn't get that far. He just scared me. Coming up on me like that. If only I were in gear. None of that would have happened.

Something cmac said in another post really made sense. Something about recognizing your ex's faults may help the healing process.
Anyone believe in that or agree? Or do you think it just builds resentment.

My goal is to go longer than three months with no contact from Anako because our first break up... that's how long it lasted. Until I got suckered back in. Thinking he had changed and therapy helped. It wasn't before long he was back to normal but in a different way.

Anywho I wish I could go back to sleep. Blah.

[Heratriumphant]

For me it was a balance of recognizing both my ex's faults and my own. The hard part was figuring where one person's set of issues ended and the other began. So own you shit, but not a bit more KWIM?

[Coco]

This is it. I found it
It came from page 3 of this thread...
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/37009-steely-exterior-ex-gfs-put-up-after-break-up.html[/url]

Seeing your ex for their flaws is a huge step in helping your understanding and your healing. If you can see them for what they are and still love them, that's an indicator of how strong your feelings are. My ex made some mistakes and had a very different view of love and relationships, but ultimately needed to grow up and be less insecure like me. We both were young and naive and growing from this, I still have feelings for her.

You on the other hand have a whole different story. Yeah, she really dicked you around and you are "forced to hate her". If that helps you get past this, by all means, use it. You are going to be angry hurt and terribly upset right now. Hopefully after a while you can find it in your heart to forgive her and try and understand everything that she is. I really feel like that's important because all this anger is just going to raise your blood pressure and shorten your life span by increasing your chance of an aneurysm.

I only say this because I really believe that people can change. The word unforgiveable stuck out in your post to me because my ex used the same exact word to me last time we talked. I know that our experience has helped me grow as a person and I want the same to happen to you. By all means be angry now, and I'm not saying give her a second chance. But keep that understanding open in the future. Grow from this, make it as positive an experience as you can...

[shheadz]

Something cmac said in another post really made sense. Something about recognizing your ex's faults may help the healing process.
Anyone believe in that or agree? Or do you think it just builds resentment

What kind of resentment are you talking about? Resentment for your ex, or life in general? I don't know your whole story, but your ex sounds like a real prick. So I can't see how having a little resentment for him is a bad thing. Just don't let it turn you into a jaded bitch that stomps on the nuts of every guy you come across.