Eye Contact or Staring Contest?

[Stratosphere]

Do girls really put that much emphasis into glaring into a mans eyes just to see if he will look away? And if he does, do you think "oh, he is not paying attention to me!"

I'm working really hard on better eye contact, but sometimes it just feels like a silly contest.

One of my ex-girlfriends told me that she was very serious about "good eye contact" and she noticed that I had good eye contact with her. And I remember thinking "is this another staring contest?" (when we first met and she was glaring into my eyes as if to say "look away, I dare you").

[vashti]

Glaring implies hostility... you do not want to glare into someone else's eyes unless you intend to have angry sex.

Yes, eye contact is important.

[ecojeanne]

hehe this did make me laugh

it's about having a connection deeper than just 'lets do it'. it about looking deeper to see if you can almost read each others minds. it's amazing how sensual it actually is when both parties participate. if one doesn;t then yea it is another staring competition and pretty much useless to the other person.

my advice is the next time this happens is start to look and try to read her mind or at least think about what you like about her, at least it's positive vibes rather than you freaking out

lol

[Sanctuary]

Looking away implies nervousness, shyness, mistrust, etc.

But eye contact shouldn't feel like a staring contest. Your eyes should be warm and inviting. Try to see what color eyes she has. Keep your eyes glued on her eyes, even during the silences. Think happy thoughts about her or something so your eyes will look warm.

Don't do this with other guys though, they will misinterpret your prolonged eye contact as hostility and punch you in the face.

[vashti]

I should mention that there IS a balance to be met. Yes, you want warm, intimate eye contact, but it cannot continue ad nauseum. It shouldn't last longer than maybe 3 seconds before someone looks away, because it just feels creepy and invasive.

[ecojeanne]

3 seconds is a bit short. i used to do this with my ex and we were able to do it for at least 2 minutes, if not more actually

[vashti]

yes, but he was someone you had a relationship with, rather than a stranger. If you tried that with a stranger, they would freak out. (At least, I would.)

[Stratosphere]

Thanks for the replies.

Just before I posted this, I talked to a girl at a clothing store and she was really glaring at me. But I try to look away and then look back but I always seem to look away first, but if I don't (look away first) they seem to get really nervous and then look away...

[Sanctuary]

3 seconds is short. When I tell stories I make a lot of eye contact. I don't think I'm being creepy but I suppose I could be wrong in some instances.

Keep your eyes warm and look away slowly when you do.

Thanks for the replies.

Just before I posted this, I talked to a girl at a clothing store and she was really glaring at me. But I try to look away and then look back but I always seem to look away first, but if I don't (look away first) they seem to get really nervous and then look away...

lol I'm picturing that in my head and it's funny.

[vashti]

three seconds is a long time when you are looking IN to someone rather than AT them. Trust me on this - you must break eye contact, after which time you can look again.

Then again, stratosphere keeps using the word "glaring", which probably applies if he is holding the gaze for too long.