She doesn't seem interested in sex but she likes it?

[AlwaysHers]

So she's told me she likes having sex. But when I go to initiate it (it being foreplay) she blows me off (in a very polite way) by just saying lets get up, or she giggles and says it tickles and pushes away. Now is it that she isn't interested in having sex. Or is it because she doesn't realise what I'm trying to do. Or is it something I am doing that could be done differently/better to get her in the mood?

There is a problem that she recognises and admits too, that is she is "unresponsive" barely affectionate, not showing much towards me at all. She doesn't know why she is like this and she's told me she wish she wasn't. She wish she could jump all over me but she just can't.

In the last few times we have had sex a couple of those times was just because she had a couple of drinks and she undressed in front of me (unusual because she normally doesn't like to be seen naked unless in the shower or while having sex) and just looks at me with those dirty eyes. This is what I want, but I don't want it alcohol driven as it seems unnatural. The other times it was in the morning and I persisted with the foreplay until she wanted me in her.

She really seems to enjoy the act and she say she does too. So why does she not seem to want to do it?

We have been together for five and a half months btw.

[shheadz]

I have no doubt she knows you're trying to initiate sex. She's doing her best to be polite and blow you off. By the way, how old is she/you? I honestly don't think there's anything you can do about this. It's the way she is, and will probably always be that way (With you anyway).

That being said, I'm sure some of the women in the forums can suggest a few ways to get her in the mood. You may be jumping the gun, and just not warming her up enough. It's been my experience that the best way to get a woman ready is by.. shocking.. talking to them. Weird, right? Maybe it snaps them out of the little world they're living in their head. If you think about it, that's what alcohol does too.

[vashti]

She sounds young. Younger women sometimes claim to like sex a whole lot more than they actually do, because it is alluring to men, and gives them some level of power they might not otherwise enjoy.

Alternately, you might not be doing it right for her.

[AlwaysHers]

I'm 23, she will soon be 21.

We talk, a lot I tihnk. I am a pretty talkative guy around people I know. Normally the foreplay lasts for about half an hour when it actually happens. I just start by touching her on the arms and maybe a few kisses. Work my way to her hands or neck. Then slowly go down her chest and some more kisses etc. It is normally when it gets to the "private" body parts that she blows me off.

She says she likes it rough, where as I like to be gentle. I'm find with doing rough but I don't know how to initiate that without just basically beating her up. I can't figure out a turning point from the getting her in the mood to the rough...? But really it's just come to getting her in the mood that is the problem now.

I really think its something to do with what I'm doing. As when I touch her on the breasts or butt she shows no sign of being touched. I asked if she minded me doing it and she said she didn't. I also have asked why she ignores me when I do it and she says it's just become normal and its like not exciting because its just expected...

Do guys have to basically ignore their girls to the point they get upset and cry because they don't get any attention before the guy can have sex with them?

[Spring Haze]

She mentioned the lack of spontaneity, so try to liven up the foreplay. Being rough does not mean going the extreme of physical assault. You should probably ask her for specifics. It could mean pulling her hair, pushing her up against a wall, ripping her clothes off, that sort of thing.

Do guys have to basically ignore their girls to the point they get upset and cry because they don't get any attention before the guy can have sex with them?

What?

[Aeradalia]

Aside from making sure sex is consensual... have you thought about snatching her up and just having your way with her? The unpredictable, spontaneous and callous manner just might be what she's after.

Give it a try and see what happens.

[shheadz]

Aside from making sure sex is consensual... have you thought about snatching her up and just having your way with her? The unpredictable, spontaneous and callous manner just might be what she's after.

Give it a try and see what happens.

That's what I'm thinking too. If she likes it rough, then you're wasting your time with all this foreplay. She may think your kind of foreplay is kind of wimpy and planned out anyway. In fact, she may initially be in the mood, but by the time you've gone through Foreplay 101, she's lost it. She doesn't want 30 minutes of tender kisses. She wants a good hard d!ck inside of her.

You may be sexually incompatible. My ex liked gentle make love kind of sex. I like that when the mood is right, but really I like to f*ck. So a lot of the sex we had was kind of unsatisfying for me.

On a related note, I read recently that 80% of all women prefer a few drinks before having sex. Maybe some of the women here could enlighten us on the reason why.

[Aeradalia]

Not a clue about the 80%...

But I do know that I was sexually incompatible with many of my ex's... and it really wasn't their fault. They did nothing wrong.

I'm just highly imaginative and very, very sexual. Initially many guys might like this idea, but later on in the relationship when they fall into old routines it becomes dissatisfying for both involved --- I'm craving something new, and they're wondering when they'll ever get a break.

With my current boyfriend, there's roleplaying, teasing, playfulness, spontaneity, and lots of show of affection.... even after a year of being in a relationship. We're both very sexual and highly imaginative... and have the ability to work together creatively, which helps oodles.

With you still being fairly young, you may not have had a chance to experience new things and figure out what you liked. I've noticed a lot of men may start out being "gentle" because early experiences teach them that's what women want. If deep down you just want to grab a woman up and go to town... then her wanting it to be a little more rough could be a good thing. Experiment... have fun. And if in the end it still doesn't work out... you will have learned something new about your sexuality and will have a better idea of what kind of woman will be sexually compatible with you.

[lahnnabell]

80%?! I beg to differ. I would much rather be stone-cold sober. Alcohol is a kind of lubrication, but usually not the kind that encourages a good romp in the sack. Sure, sex happens under the influence, but it tends to be sloppy and unsuccessful too. I lower my expectations drastically when one or both parties are drunk or have been drinking.

Then again, like Aeradalia said, I'm a very sexual and sensual person by nature. I think about sex a lot, I love to talk about, and I walk around naked or scantily clad as much as I can get away with. However, because of this I had trouble getting most of my exes to understand that I didn't always want to get fcuked, but that I also wanted to be touched and held a lot. Not just as a precursor to having sex. I realized that many of those guys came from families where personal space was allotted and no one breached it. Hugs were scarce and no one cuddled sort of thing. They interpreted any sort of touching as a very sexual thing.

[shheadz]

I've noticed a lot of men may start out being "gentle" because early experiences teach them that's what women want.

Yep. I totally agree. I still do it. I still pass up chances to seize the moment, and instead roll into some foreplay, because it's been ingrained in my mind that it's what women want.

[vashti]

I agree with lahnna about the drinking and sex. They rarely result in orgasm, so maybe whatever you were referring to was talking about sex with a stranger. I think I'd prefer to be a little boozed up if I were sleeping with someone the first time - you know, to calm the nerves.

Also, I laughed at the idea that ANYONE should be bored with sex with their partner after only a year. Jeez, guys... pace yourselves.

[cmacattack1]

I second that. I've heard from many women that the orgasm, if it happens, is not nearly as satisfying when drinking has occurred. Sure it lowers our inhibitions but it dulls the senses. Not good.

I was always self conscious and lasted longer when wasted, obviously. Alot of my college hookups and even girlfriends started off as that. It hasn't helped me mature any, I can tell you that much.

[lilly1185]

I agree with lahnna about the drinking and sex. They rarely result in orgasm, so maybe whatever you were referring to was talking about sex with a stranger. I think I'd prefer to be a little boozed up if I were sleeping with someone the first time - you know, to calm the nerves.

I seldom drink. In fact, last night was one of the rare nights I *did* drink. A whole bottle of wine (entirely not paying attention to what and how much...) then coke and cherry vodka.
The sex was interesting- I didn't realise we were running into a three hour stretch. We had to stop because I became very, very aware things were hurting and swollen down below, and he wasn't going to get off.

So, yes. Alcohol does dull a lot. It also introduces "whiskey dick" (boooo....) and at the very worst, your girl will end up walking funny for a day or two.

[bloodtippedrose]

I acted like this in my first relationship (17). I would play stupid when he was trying to start something and I wouldn't want to be seen naked and I wanted sex but I didn't feel right.. I felt embarrassed because of scents and my body. It's something you have to get used too.

I got used to it by experience and by compliments. since she doesn't like having sex with her clothes completely off, I would say shes quite uncomfortable about her body and everytime you have sex with her she is thinking about you thinking negative things about her body. You should compliment her body to help her be less self conscious. example: I was always embarrassed about my "scent" until my primitive boyfriend told me how much it turns him on. I was also self conscious about how my feet looked and smelled when my current bf first told me he had a foot fetish, but after he told me how much he loved smelly dirty feet I didnt care about washing them to get the smell off before he came over.

If you tell her she has a sexy irresistible body then she will be more comfortable showing it off and in turn spend less time worrying about it and more time enjoying foreplay.