A cry for help

**dre760** · 30-01-10, 11:36 AM

Most likely...

But I'm willing to suffer for her. I would do anything for her.

**cmacattack1** · 31-01-10, 08:19 AM

Wrong answer.

You have to put yourself above the relationship, or you will continue to suffer like you have been already.

You'd think women would like a guy that is willing to do anything for them but it isn't attractive.

**dre760** · 31-01-10, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by cmacattack1

Wrong answer.

You have to put yourself above the relationship, or you will continue to suffer like you have been already.

You'd think women would like a guy that is willing to do anything for them but it isn't attractive.

I know what you mean but I'm just being honest with you... Its not like im going out of my way to show her I would do anything for her. It's just how I feel and I really don't think I will feel different anytime soon.

**1337lizard** · 31-01-10, 01:19 PM

I'm in a similar position as you. I actually did get my girl back but there are a whole stack of new problems now that I did get her back. It's actually more daunting than the things that I was dealing with before. But I can tell you what I did that helped things immensely.

I listened to what a lot of the problems she had with me were. And then I worked on solving them while we were apart. I took up meditation to handle anger/overreacting to stressful situations. I no longer lose my temper. I also used it to increase how much I trust her which was a problem before. Basically these issues were issues that would have been there in any relationship, but by solving them I give myself a shot with any woman that I fall for now, in the event that my girl doesn't work out (which would be sad

)

Basically, work on the issues you have identified before you get back with her. I guarantee you it will help both you and her immensely. Good luck!

**cmacattack1** · 31-01-10, 02:22 PM

We all have that feeling like we would do anything for them, but when they are wrong, we cannot follow them blindly. Any girl will tell you they rather have somebody that challenges them than somebody that is at their whim.

I just hope you aren't chasing after her because of your emotions. I know it's been some time apart and you have learned and changed a bit, but if you rush it, you could lose it for good. It's a very delicate situation.

**dre760** · 31-01-10, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by 1337lizard

I'm in a similar position as you. I actually did get my girl back but there are a whole stack of new problems now that I did get her back. It's actually more daunting than the things that I was dealing with before. But I can tell you what I did that helped things immensely.

I listened to what a lot of the problems she had with me were. And then I worked on solving them while we were apart. I took up meditation to handle anger/overreacting to stressful situations. I no longer lose my temper. I also used it to increase how much I trust her which was a problem before. Basically these issues were issues that would have been there in any relationship, but by solving them I give myself a shot with any woman that I fall for now, in the event that my girl doesn't work out (which would be sad

)

Basically, work on the issues you have identified before you get back with her. I guarantee you it will help both you and her immensely. Good luck!

Hey how exactly was your situation. What did u do in order to get her back? If u can share your story or link me your story that'd be great. always good to read a success story.

**DonkeyKong** · 31-01-10, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by dre760

Hey how exactly was your situation. What did u do in order to get her back? If u can share your story or link me your story that'd be great. always good to read a success story.

It sounds like he did what everybody is telling you to do, just work on your own self and hope that she sees the improvements. I am in a very similar situation right now myself, and that's what I've been doing. And you know what? Even though I want my girl back, eventually I came to a point of relization that I needed to make these changes for myself first and foremost, and if the new and improved me is attractive to her and she decides to give us another chance, then all the better. But I've also made sure to let her know that even though I still want a relationship with her now, I can't guarantee how long that willingness to wait will last. And that's also made me feel more in control of the situation.

**dre760** · 01-02-10, 12:01 AM

Originally Posted by 1337lizard

I'm in a similar position as you. I actually did get my girl back but there are a whole stack of new problems now that I did get her back. It's actually more daunting than the things that I was dealing with before. But I can tell you what I did that helped things immensely.

I listened to what a lot of the problems she had with me were. And then I worked on solving them while we were apart. I took up meditation to handle anger/overreacting to stressful situations. I no longer lose my temper. I also used it to increase how much I trust her which was a problem before. Basically these issues were issues that would have been there in any relationship, but by solving them I give myself a shot with any woman that I fall for now, in the event that my girl doesn't work out (which would be sad

)

Basically, work on the issues you have identified before you get back with her. I guarantee you it will help both you and her immensely. Good luck!

Originally Posted by cmacattack1

We all have that feeling like we would do anything for them, but when they are wrong, we cannot follow them blindly. Any girl will tell you they rather have somebody that challenges them than somebody that is at their whim.

I just hope you aren't chasing after her because of your emotions. I know it's been some time apart and you have learned and changed a bit, but if you rush it, you could lose it for good. It's a very delicate situation.

Ya I'm not chasing her at all. There are times where my emotions almost take control and I want to call or text her really bad. But I have fought these emotions and feel I'm starting to really take control.

One of my exs friend asked me how ive been and how I've been doing. I told her I've been good and that I agree with breaking up and tell her my ex deserves someone better then me and that I wouldn't have changed unless something like this happened. I thenasked her how my ex was doing and she never replied.

This was on Thursday( before my ex came over on Friday.)

Do u think my ex asked her friend to check up on me? Why didn't she reply whhen I asked about my ex?

**cmacattack1** · 01-02-10, 12:33 AM

She asked how you were doing and you brought up your ex with your ex's friend and then asked how your ex was doing. Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that at all to your ex's friend which inevitably will get back to your ex.

I'm not saying what you did was wrong but I found it to be a good policy to not mention that stuff at all and if they bring up the topic, respond and then quickly change the subject. They are going to most likely interpret this as you are still badly pining for her even though you were just being honest. I don't know if that will help you in BOTH of you and your exes recovery process..

**dre760** · 04-02-10, 05:04 PM

Still no contact since last Friday when she came over...

I really want to call her and just see if she wants to hang out or go get lunch or something casual. She did say she still wants to be friends with me and I honestly think she wouldn't tell me no... And she has at least showed a little interest by texting me and coming over to my house..

I don't know what I should do...

**hoggy522** · 04-02-10, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by dre760

Hey guys

So as you may know I'm going through a horrible break up.

My gf broke up with me 3 days ago on Thursday. We were together for a year and a half.

My ultimate goal is to get her back.

Her motives was that she just doesn't want to be held back anymore and that she really just wants the freedom to go out with her friends and do whatever. I would always be really selfish when she wanted to just be away from me and with her friends.( I feel this was a huge problem in our relationship) she also said she doesnt want to look back on her life and see her as the girl who always had a bf and never really had any friends.

Another problem is that I would get jealous really easy and I would always make sure she knew ( even if she is just talking to another Guy) Another horrible problem in our relationship.

When she broke up with me she said she still wanted to be my friend. (I'm guessing this is a good thing?)

While we were dating, we basically saw each other everyday. She pretty much lived at my house. We always told each we loved each other and we basically planned our entire life together. This was the happiest times of my life. Is it bad to see each other as often as we did?

On Thursday and Friday morning I was in "panic mode". I hit her with text message terrorism and drunk dialing. ( even tho I wasn't drunk)

I have cut off all contact since Friday morning. I plan on not contacting her for at least 2 or 3 weeks. Is that too short of time?

When I do contact her I plan on sending her the "second chance letter"

Also, I think you should know that she is a really strong person and has been through a lot in her life. I dont see her texting me or calling me because she feels she made a mistake. When she does something she is always set on her decision and hardly ever changes her mind.

THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE.

This relationship sounds like the one ive just come out of.
I never realised up till now with how needy i was and i guess that pushed my girl further away from me...
When she said to me that she gave me a lot of chances to change and i never did is probably true, i used to get jealous if she went somewhere without me and we saw each other all the time as we live literally next door to each other....seeing each other nearly everyday was unhealthy i admit that now as time alone has made me see how i was wrong in that relationship, although i was never like this up until the last year of it, when my gf first got with me she was really possesive and needy and i guess i followed suit....she got out of the habit but i never did.

I know now there is no chance in hell for us again, but like you my ex wants to stay friends, i suppose this can be a good thing but make sure you let all your feelings for her be pushed aside before starting to be there as a friend - i made the mistake of being her 'friend' literally after we broke up and all i can say is that it hurts like hell that you expect them to fall back in love with you....i got so hurt that i started pleading and begging for her, this is no good.

It's a step forward that you've realised your mistakes on this relationship, you can learn to change with time, when you are ready and you want a friendship with her then that doesnt stop you both having good times like you used to, just think of it this way....you've lost a relationship but could gain an amazing friendship - thats how i look at it.

I know that your goal is to get her back, do not think this way, use this time to make changes in your life and heal!!! Healing is important before you start being friends or start a new relationship, if your not healed and your ex finds someone else you will be just stuck in square 1 and the heart break wont ever stop.

**hoggy522** · 04-02-10, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by dre760

Still no contact since last Friday when she came over...

I really want to call her and just see if she wants to hang out or go get lunch or something casual. She did say she still wants to be friends with me and I honestly think she wouldn't tell me no... And she has at least showed a little interest by texting me and coming over to my house..

I don't know what I should do...

Don't think that she wants to get back with you, i know this sounds harsh but everything my ex has done for me (like going out for a meal together) i ultimatley rushed into the idea that she wanted me back....it starts getting into a cycle and unless you stop these thoughts now you wont be able to move on.

If she does want you back then she will let you know in person, if you feel ready for doing something casual together then you should, just show her how good of a friend you could be to her, just please dont fall into the trap of begging and pleading like i did....it only pushes them further away

**hoggy522** · 04-02-10, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by cmacattack1

We all have that feeling like we would do anything for them, but when they are wrong, we cannot follow them blindly. Any girl will tell you they rather have somebody that challenges them than somebody that is at their whim.
I just hope you aren't chasing after her because of your emotions. I know it's been some time apart and you have learned and changed a bit, but if you rush it, you could lose it for good. It's a very delicate situation.

I agree strongly with what you said!

**Perryville** · 04-02-10, 10:05 PM

This post is really depressing. You Dudes need to develope some self-respect. If you act like a rug, she will treat you like one. All of your talk about fixing the things SHE has trouble with, shows (to her)that you are being needy, weak, and desperate. What woman wants a man like that?

**DonkeyKong** · 04-02-10, 10:23 PM

Resist the urge to call her, man. I know what it's like to want to just go out and hang casually, but believe me, it will only hurt you until you've moved on. I know because I'm experiencing the same thing. I'm on day 3 of NC and I already feel better than I did when we were still hanging out and talking almost every day, just because now I have the space to deal with it. Be strong, don't give in to her texting. You can still be friends later, just make sure it's on your terms, when you're ready.

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