A cry for help

[dre760]

So today I called her to see if she wanted to get some coffee. (note: I did not call her out of desperation or because I'm trying to get back with her. It has been a month of very limited contact and i have not shown her any signs of desperation or anything.)

I originally planned on just meeting her at starbucks for like 30 mins or so but she said she wanted to come over then we would go together.

So she came over and we talked about just casual stuff and it was really good to see her. There was no awkwardness and everything just felt normal like we are just good friends. Neither of us asked about how we've been or about the break up or anything.

So we go get coffee together and we come back to my place. We again just sat and talked for the about 2 hours. One thing that caught my eye was that whenever we would bring up a movie or something that she recently saw in theaters, she would always seem to mention that no guys were there.. For example, "she would say oh yah i saw this movie..... I was with my aunt." And another time, she told me she had plans to go to a party this one night and she was in the area of a movie theater and decided she didnt want to go to the party so she got dinner all by herself and watched the movie all by herself. I thought this was kind of strange and don't really know what to think.

She also was saying how stressed she has been lately. She is really busy with school, she is starting some intense soccer conditioning next week, and she just got a job. She says all these things are really just makin her head go crazy and that its really stressing her.

Anyways, we talk a lil more and I eventually walk her out and she leaves.


It felt soo good to see her today. I know a lot of you are going to say, " DO not take this as false hope blah blah blah" but to be honest, I am not taking this as hope at all. Today was really just for me to show her that ive been doing good and that I still want to be friends with her. I am not going to push her into hanging out with me and im not going to try and force anything on to her. I am here to support her and be her friend and if she wants something more, then she knows where to find me.

[cmacattack1]

Like I've said before, it's all about what YOU want.

Do you want to be friends with her? Or do you want something more like you had before? You might have to choose between the two.

And yeah, it's good that you noticed these things. She may have been telling the truth, but she had to prove that. She may be lying, and that would only lead to keeping you interested and as a cushion. Either way something is fishy. Keep your guard up.

[dre760]

Hey cmack...

I want something more like we had before... but I would settle as just friends if thats what she truley wants.


what do u mean about something is fishy??

I'm almost positive she wouldn't lie like that...

[cmacattack1]

I'm just saying she was trying to prove to you that she wasn't with somebody else. You only need to prove something when you are insecure about it. And you guys aren't together anymore, you aren't keeping track of every detail in her life, and I wouldn't be surprised if she fudged a few of the details.

Maybe I'm just saying this so you don't get your hopes up. But nothing is certain and no matter what you do, it may not get you back to what you want. Are you prepared to be "just friends"?

[dre760]

Well, I am prepared to be just friends even though I know it is going to hurt if she starts seeing someone else.

But, being "just friends" with the women I love is a lot better then not having her in my life at all.

[cmacattack1]

Is it?

You may just be idolizing what you had before and want to keep them in your life, even if it means you are silently suffering the whole time. You certainly don't need her friendship, and will being friends with her hinder your own ability to find somebody else? I just want you to really look at it and really be honest with yourself when you figure if you are doing this for her or for you.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

dre760, If you could do that, I envy you.

[dre760]

well thinking in terms of me, I cannot imagine how happy I would be if we were to get back together.

Comparing that happiness to the amount of pain that might still be to come, I think it is well worth it.

So I guess what I want to say, is that I will be doing it for me and am willing to go through any more pain that might still be to come. I will settle in being just friends with her and am willing to suffer as long as she is happy. I am in no rush to move on and get her out of my life/head. I know if this all ends bad, I will eventually get over her and it will hurt. But this is the girl that I love, and I will not just let her go unless she truley wants me out of her life.

Although I know reconciling is very unlikely, I feel it is worth all the pain still to come if nothing happens between us.

[Spaz1one1]

The future isn't written down for any of us.
She may come back, or she may not come back.
The best thing you can do is NC. To heal yourself, and at the same time IF she really does love you she will miss you as well.
If she comes back, don't make the same mistake I did.
I gave in too quickly and she saw ABSOLUTELY no change.

The key here is if she comes back, she must see a drastic change. If you're still the same old person, she will be happy for the day, get your hopes up, and the next day she will completely forget about you.
Go work out in the gym, change your hair style, work on your wardrobe. Whenever you see her, show her happiness. Show her your life is put together and that you are very mature. Make her want you back. Make her think
"Who the hell is this guy I let get away?!".

[dre760]

So ever since our coffee get together she has initiated contact with me twice. The first was on Monday and just a simple facebook message telling me about something that just happened at her house. We talk about it very shortly and then stop talking completely.

Thursday she texts me asking if I watched that show that was on my dvr. I told her no and she basically hinted about coming over and watching it with me but I never gave her the invite. For some reason she kept the text conversation going by changing the subject a few times.

This was the last time we have made contact.



Last few nights have been awful since for some reasons I am forcing myself to listen to sad songs and look at old pictures of us and read her love notes ect.. I don't understand why I do it but I continue to do so. I love this girl so much. It hurts soo bad that I blew my chances with her and completely chased her away. I know I have changed and I know things can work out if she wants to give it a shot.

[Spaz1one1]

She has to WANT to give it another shot. And nothing else will ever change it. It has to be her strict decision to desire another shot with you.
All you can do is be yourself, work on yourself, and I guess hope (hope is bad, but w/e) that you will attract her and have her desire giving you another chance.

Focus on moving on.
Her coming back isn't promised, but moving on is promised. Work on what's healthy for you (moving on and living your own life for yourself) rather than waiting to see what happens between the two of you. Live your life, and if it's meant to be, it'll come back to you. Like the saying goes, You can't go out looking for love, you have to let it come to you.

[cmacattack1]

I just think he has to focus on getting his life back on track without her so that if she does enter the picture again as something more than a friend he'll be able to withstand it without the other aspects of his life suffering.

I know you are jumping at every little hint of attention coming your way from her, but they are just innocent conversations and the problem we always have is that we are reading more into it than we need to. Her having a text conversation with you is sending your mind spinning like "Oh does she still care about me?" It's apparent that she does, but maybe not in the way that you hope. She's already told you she doesn't love you anymore, and a text conversation doesn't mean she has changed her mind on that.

This is why maybe you need no contact for you. If her attention is sending you spiraling out of control emotionally, it's not a good time for her to be in your life and you have to tell her that it isn't okay. Look at this honestly. I know you are scared that if you lose her now, she could be gone for good. And that is very possible. But nothing good can be accomplished currently under what is happening. And forever is a long time. Just because it didn't work out now, it could work out in the future, when you've had more time to grow and mature. You are looking at it in the small picture clinging to any scrap of hope you may have to salvage it.

[dragonqueen]

well i think keeping it touch right now as friends will make you suffer much more.You need alot of time to heal inside and become stronger-its a long journey.

It happened to me and some people that i know-while we moved on the Ex kind of realized it and tried to become more than just a friend.

However one thing is there that i know for sure:if she loves you and wants you in her life -SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW!!!

IF SHE IS JUSTTRYING TO BE FRIENDS THEN LET IT GO FOR NOW AND FIGHT FOR A NEW CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE!

[dre760]

So a quick update.....

Ex contacts me like once every 3 days now or so. It is via text and is always about just random and pointless things.

I don't understand why she still texts me though? Why does she feel the need to text me lyrics from a song? Or to ask me what im doing because she saw my car outside the school????? Or to tell me about something that just happened at her house???? I dont GET IT.

I am not ignoring her. I have been kinda short with her a few times such as not replying right away and waiting a few hours go by. Maybe being short with her has made her want to text me mooreeee? Every time we come into contact now she is always first to initiate it.



I wonder if she even realizes what she is doing or if she even thinks about it first before she texts me????


On another note, i have been slowly getting better. I have been going out with friends and have just been having fun lately.

[IndiReloaded]

I wonder if she even realizes what she is doing or if she even thinks about it first before she texts me????

I think she does. She's toying with you, mouse.

I think Colin has the best advice -- no contact. She texts, don't respond. You need to look after you at this point. If she really cared about you, knowing how you feel, she would leave you alone. Right now, you are bound hand & foot to her wagon and she's dragging you through the dust. People who care for each other don't do this. If she had any maturity, she'd at least cut the rope.

The feelings will pass. You will be okay. No contact will help you gain control of your hormones (emotions) sooner. Do it.