Living with it

[whyme87]

So it's 3 months since we were properly together, 7 weeks since it was confirmed we were over and 8 weeks since I gave her stuff back..3 weeks since her and her new bf were 'official'

I know why we split we were having a horrible time and things really could not work but I still love her the same as ever I always will love her and no one will love her more than I do and she knows it.

Before we split she said 'i dont live you anymore or ferl tge same' I was gutted. But then she said 'i dont want to say bye to you,i do love u and want to be with u but i dont know how it can work' ... she was right about that but i'm wondering what was true in what she said...i'd hate to think it was the first.

she's with someone now and that's that.I dont have any hope at all or even want to be with her again but I know as friends she thought a lot of me..you can just tell... If anyone she'll get back with her first live I know she loves him like i do her...just thinking id hate to never speak to her again I wonder if she'll ever unblock me on facebook or ever think of me?? I could not meet her and would be fooling myself and hurting myself but i'd just like to one day see if she's ok and chat online .

We spent 6 months together and was only apart a few days it's crazy i spent my entire time with her now its gone...sad thing is i know her new bf is always out lots of girl mates and she'll be alone more...perhaps thats what she wants but in time i just want to chat thing is I doubt she will as it ended on horrible nasty terms .

I care for her too much even though she is a liar and caused me so much pain i still love her.crazy

Why do we remember the good times..most days were stress and very bad but the first month was amazing the best of my life.and when it waa good it reallu was...

I dont seem to be interested in anyone else..she was just my type looks,and made me laugh so much.which is a big thing...sadly shes got a weird mind and can be a nasty girl but when shes nice shes the best ever...but was that all an act?

I dont feel any better than when it ended infact im worse since i found out she has a new bf even worse its a friend...

10 hour shift tomorrow ...lets hope it takes my mind off it

[asains_are_cool]

Hang in there dude. There are a lot of fish in the sea. It may turn out that she is doing you a favor.

[cmacattack1]

Those first few months are rough. I'm over two months no contact, four months since broken up and two months since she rubbed it in how her new boyfriend is awesome. You go through all these phases and emotions: you remember all the awesome times and how you didn't appreciate them before, you get angry at all the things she's done to you, you go up and down on this ridiculous emotional roller coaster ride. I know you want her back in your life but you got to keep the facts straight.

-As of right now she says "she doesn't love you, she does love you, she doesn't know how it can work." She's already second guessing her decision, she's confused and she doesn't know how she really feels. Her mind could change in the future and she is just trying to figure it out. She is dating somebody else and you better believe all those comparisons to you and him will be there. It's what everybody that knows her has told her to do: date somebody else, move on, forget him. She will date him, she will try to move on and she will try to forget you. You are really powerless in this. Don't fool yourself and think that this guy couldn't be better that you for her, he very well could be. He also could be not as good. You can't predict and you can't tell her how to feel, she will figure it out and make her own decisions.

-You do love her. What true selfless love is that you want her to be happy regardless of who she's with, so what you are doing is ducking out of the way in hopes that she does, even if it's not with you. Selfishly you don't want this to happen, but like I said it's out of your hands.

-She dumped you. She does not want you in her life anymore, or merge your two lives together as relationships inevitably do. Her mind may change in the future, but as of right now she does not want you in her life. You care for her, you want her to be happy, and you want to talk with her and be a part of that. But you can't. You can try but it is not helping you in your ultimate goal of being happy with her again. Her life and her choices are not your concern anymore. All that should be concerned is you and building your life without her in it. If she ever decides to come back which won't be for a long while anyway, you will see how you feel then and decide what to do then. For right now, it's not happening and as far as you can tell it won't happen, so it is not productive to try and figure out what can be done or plan out your next conversation or talk with her. It might help to talk to others and be brutally honest about you and her and figure out where things went wrong and what you were doing wrong so you can fix those errors. What things she did wrong so you can learn to recognize it and diffuse it and stand your ground in the future. Benefit from this experience as painful as it has been.

[w3llborn]

I dont seem to be interested in anyone else..she was just my type looks,and made me laugh so much

Well she was your first love right? Many people feel that way when they break up with their first love, and I'm one of them. I too said that I was not interested in dating any other girl and that she was the one for me. She had everything that I was looking for and no other girl could even compare to her. Trust me, you will lose this idea eventually, it just hasn't been long enough for you to completely get over her..it takes a lot of time. The next girl that you fall in love with though will also have many traits that you really are attracted too and also may seem like the "one" for you. You just feel that way about your ex right now because you are still in love with her.

[whyme87]

She was my first real love yep.had previous gf's but i have not felt like I did for her but i felt it when we were friends i Never ever expected us to be together but as a friend i loved her aswell...i dont even know why? She tells loads of lies and can be nasty but I looked past that she was funny,looked amazing,and could be very loving.

I would or could not be with her now but I care about her lots and one day want to speak....sadly she hates me I think was a very nasty break up ...all i think of is the good times but i bet she just hates me and thinks of the many bad times and the ending I have no way to contact her anyway...

[w3llborn]

Yea that is completely normal. Because you are the one who got dumped, you obviously didn't want to end things so you are going to only dwell on the "good" times that you two had together and because she dumped you, she is only really focusing on the "bad" times. Unfortunately because you had a nasty break up, she will now remember you as a bad guy. It is what happened to me, at first she said she still wanted to be friends and that she still loved me as a friend and cared for me, but stupid me kept trying to call her and contact her and tell her about the good times, which only made her extremely mad and pushed her away more. Now she basically hates me too and does not want anything to do with me. I guess it helps with the whole moving on process because by still talking to them, I feel that it is harder to really move on.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Not giving any advise here since I'm in a lot of mess, too. I have the same situation with you and when I thought I had move on, I started having dreams about my ex (3 times consecutively in the last 2 days). Every night I cry before I sleep, every morning I cry after I wake up. Heck, I even cried in my last dream.

You're not alone, brother. We are all going through this and we will make it to the end. Life will get better and time will heal our wounds.

[whyme87]

Thanks for the replies .

Well until she was with someone else official i was getting better that just dragged me back...thing was she was the one begging me not to leave her and i couldnt seeing her crying i just felt bad and i loved her..we did argue and we were both horrible but we stuck it out ....until her new bf who shes always liked alot became single then she turned very nasty so i'd say bad things then i got dumped and du du de she's with him and i get told im hated and changes her number and blocks me...few emails lied and lied then blocked me on them.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Consider yourself fortunate, then. It will simply make it easier for you to move on.

My ex is still on my Facebook. She was (or still is?) close to my mum. My friends know her and they still invite her to the events organised by my friends (not knowing about our break up), including a surprise birthday party for me, although she hasn't said yes to any of the invitations. We work at the same place and report to the same boss.

So yeah, consider yourself fortunate. Use the circumstances you're in to strengthen yourself, to bury your past.

[whyme87]

I hope it does....it's just I don't want her to hate me..I would feel better if it ended well but hey she was a b!tch

[whyme87]

What does this mean...i'm kinda confused I had a period of crying and after i felt better it kinda helped? stopped now though i dont cry anymore is this a good or bad sign? I feel sick though now and just anxious and depressed.

Just keep thinking of 'them' and what they'll be doing and if ahe thinks it's better than what we had.. struggling to focus at work and went out this evening and just had to come home....a song came on in a bar we used to listen to at night and that was it .... pain was so bad inside...feel sorry for my body lol

[SamFrmMelbourne]

whyme87, I'm in the same phase, somehow. I have passed the phase of crying day and night while not eating and sleeping properly. I rarely cry now, I can't although I want to. But I've been having dreams about my ex every single night. That stabbed my heart everytime I woke up in the morning. I also have difficulties focusing on the things I need to get done, despite my efforts. Don't worry, it's normal. It's part of the healing process.

[whyme87]

dreams every night..that must be hard i've had a few on where we were cuddling like normal in bed keeping each other warm then i woke up to nothing and realised that has gone...felt terrible and sick

[ricerocket1]

in my experience i only cried once, had a set back once and that was when she told my friend about how she misses me, loves me etc etc, i thought it'll set me back big time when i found out that she's seeing someone else but it didn't it actually motivated me more to be better because i know i am better, i prolly did dreamt about her less than a handful 5< im doing better that i thought i would, a month ago if someone ask me if i can take her back i would've said yes in a heartbeat but now i can say no, i realized a lot of things about myself i hope everyone here is doing the same if not better.

[Lite]

Instead of whining and suffering in your own self-induced pity party you really should be out doing stuff for yourself right now. Make new hobbies, new routines, do new things that you've wanted to do. Pretty much, everything reminds you of her, and it all just kind of sucks.

So start doing new stuff until the old stuff doesn't hurt so much. Relationships fail, and frankly you can go start another one once you're over this one.