Fashion and love.

[thebigdoob]

Ever thought to yourself, is it just me? Well that’s how I’m feeling so I thought I’d sign up here in the hope of you answering this question for me.

I’m in love and very much so, with a woman who loves me very much and is about to become my second wife. We’re both in our 40’s and like nothing better than each others company. We’re together over two years and not once have we fought with each other. I imagine this is because we both like who the other is, respect who the other is and neither of us is trying to change who the other person is, in any way.

My problem is so petty when I take the above into account but, by the same token, it’s breaking my heart.

When I met my fiancée, she didn’t have that many nice clothes. This was great in that I could buy them for her and I did. I bought a wardrobe of dresses, skirts and matching items. Everything was bought online and simple to return. Occasionally some items were returned but overall she loved the clothes. She knows I like women to wear skirts and she knows how much I like to see her dressed, as I would feel, like a lady. I don’t like trousers on women but equally, I completely and fully respect every woman’s right to wear what they wish, including my fiancée.

We’ve talked about this a lot and please don’t ask me why it’s so important to me, I don’t know. We eat out regularly and she normally wears a dress to dinner. I more recently bought some skirts for her to wear as casual daywear. But every day, she wears trousers. So I raised the issue, how much was spent and how all of that was a waste if these clothes are only to collect dust.

Now I was of the distinct impression that she might like wearing these clothes and that she knows how happy she would make me if she would. But she’s told me she won’t. She will wear, as before, a dress to dinner or maybe dress up on occasions such as holidays or Christmas.

Before you say I shouldn’t be trying to change her, I bought them for casual wear, she knew that, we agreed she’d return them if she didn’t want them as they were expensive and I would have accepted that. I would have been disappointed at my girlfriend only ever wearing trousers but I would have accepted it.

Now, I’m disappointed and I feel a bit of a mug too. Not just for spending money needlessly but also because I had believed one thing to be true while the reality of it was the opposite.

It blew up a couple of weeks ago and we came closer than before to fighting. We’ve agreed to put it behind us and move on but as I say, I’m broken hearted by it.

I’d appreciate your thoughts…

[sookie6]

Hello there,

I don't think that you should feel concerned that she is 'wasting' money by not returning the clothes when she could have been.
She probably likes all the items and intend to wear them from time to time.

You need to take into account that modern times have made us women really much more used to wearing trousers (so to speak!). It is so practical and worn with a feminine top it can really work to a woman's advantage.

I don't know many women who wear skirts and dresses that often. In fact I can 't think of one.

It is really something that we keep for special occasions, night outs or summers days...

If your partner is more comfortable with her current look why change her.

I had a boyfriend who kept buying me dresses but I did not like them at all. They were not me. To this day I prefer picking my clothes. I feel happier and sexier in an outfit I have chosen. But I could neber get myself to tell him. He was so happy to make me a present. Today I think I should have told him I like buying my own clothes. I was just silly and in love!

Maybe you should just agree that from now on she will buy her own clothes. Problem solved!

[thebigdoob]

Thanks sookie for your very sensible reply.

Actually, she feels I choose great clothes for her and as a result we’ve said we’d break tradition and I’ll help choose her wedding dress with her.

As I said I don’t always get it right and she’s returned some items. I’d expect most women to prefer to choose their own clothes but she honestly likes what I choose and yes, I think she does enjoy getting dressed up occasionally.

I don’t expect her to wear dresses or skirts every day but these were bought for occasional wear although I fear they never will be worn.

I guess my point is not about the clothing but it is instead more about a misunderstanding. And while the money isn’t important to me at all, I don’t think I’d consciously allow someone buy me something I would never use.

And while I’m mourning how I will spent my days looking at this woman whom I adore, in trousers mainly, I would have advised you and all women to ditch the trousers but I don’t think there’s many men who feel as strongly as me about it so, I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you!

[sookie6]

In the scale of things this is really a tiny issue in a relationship.

But I understand that it means a lot to you and totally respect it.

I am looking forward to hearing other women's opinion on this because I can't help feeling that you are pushing it a little bit. Especially since she was dressing the way you like for dinner already and my understanding is that you now expect her to ditch the trousers even for day time.

Now I am a bit of a freedom lover and think that people are the happiest when they are allowed to be themselves in a relationship.

My last and best advice would be to leave it really. You said you were happy apart from this. Plus she's already showing she cares about your personal taste by dressing up most evenings!

[thebigdoob]

I appreciate it must seem pathetically petty and you know, I will leave it.

I love her, we’re to marry and I will spend the rest of my life with her. So, a pair of jeans won’t change that. I don’t know what could change how much respect I have for this woman but it would take more than a pair of jeans. Or the few bob wasted on skirts for her.

Ok, I have some old fashioned views but at the same time, I would argue that equality equals diversity and because I find women more attractive in skirts, I don’t think it unreasonable to say that to the woman I love. (Just for the record, I bought knee length skirts for her)

I think I’m questioning myself as much as anything else in all this because I can’t help but wonder if I have despite knowing better, seemed to her to be trying to change her somehow. Never my intention but is that what happened? Or was I misled? Personally I think the answer lies somewhere in between.

Thanks for indulging me but the bliss around here, so long and so secure somehow experienced a disturbance.

I too would like to hear form other women. And please accept me at face value, as someone who is not being sexist about this just someone trying to understand…