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Thread: Another guy friend zoned

  1. #1
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    Another guy friend zoned

    Hey there,
    first off, i'd like to thank all of you helping out others like me in times they're down. Indeed it sucks being friend zoned and dealing with it like nothing happened. But what can I do? At first I thought nothing, but then I learned of "escaping form the friend zone" and decided to give it a try. Here's my progress thus far.

    Here's my story.

    I've known this girl for awhile. The problem was that I've never talked to her. I've seen her around but chose not to talk to her. Why? I have no idea.
    But about a week ago, eh week and a half. I started talking to her based upon physical attraction. But I begun talking to her on a casual basis using friends as an excuse to talk to her. It worked well. I'm a freshman in college. She's a freshman in highschool. I was going to omit this detail and just say there's 3 year difference, but I think this gap factors greatly into my story. She's been through a lot of family troubles, like me. In fact, her father and my father did the same exact thing by taking out a business loan in our mother's name and ran, simultaneously ruining their credit and putting them into a slump of depression. She looks much older for her age, and subsequently acts older. I try not to use these types of excuses to justify any blunders, but it's what I feel. Maybe it's the makeup. Who knows. But one thing I do know is I am falling head over heels for her. I took her out like 4 days out of the week we've been getting to know each other. I didn't think it was too much, but if it's written down on paper, it's too much.
    Right off the bat, I knew she was into me. Staring into each other's eyes, laughing at every single one of my corny jokes, constant awkward silences, always finding excuses to make physical contact. I may be an idiot, but I know when someone's into me. We both knew we were into each other even though we had gotten into friendly terms recently. But I had to be the idiot and DIRECTLY express my feelings for her. And I know this from the hard way, it automatically gets me the friend zone. The past years in high school and middle school, i had the worst luck with the ladies. But this past semester in college and my job as an assistant photographer at an amateur modeling agency landed me more female attention than I could've hoped for me. So I've gotten a lot of, for lack of a better word, practice... But I've reverted to my old ways and played the role of the average frustrated chump with this girl. I totally blew it... So the past 3 days, I tried to get over it but the many dates we had always kept creeping back into my mind.
    Sure we had fun. I know she's going to miss what I had offered her.
    We went to the mall, did typical dating things. Watching her try on clothes, playing around. Eating. I bought her lunch once, but I'm thinking it was still one too many time(s). I'm a strong believer in chivalry, but in this day and age, I know it only contributes to my AFC character and going deeper into the friend zone. I opened doors for her, bought food, talked about school and encouraged doing well and NOT skipping. Even though she skipped school to go out with me.
    Well I kept bringing it up...ONLINE... yes, i know... that I was into her and could i expect more than friendship. she said she didn't know at this point where it would go and could go. so i played along. we had another date after that, things were back to normal. joking around having a good time. i actually surprised her at her home when she was alone. she planned on staying in that saturday and watching tv and doing nothing. i swung by anyways and told her we're going out. so i waited an hour for her to get ready and we had a blast.
    Now, I cut all communication with her, erased her # form my phone to see what she would do. Nothing. she isn't big into texting or online chatting either, but that only does so much to alleviate the pain.
    I texted her one day to ask how her sports practice went.(This was after she said let's stay friends because this 3 year age difference is really bothering me. And yes, I have thought about the fact she is wanting to date someone more her age. But i think 3 years is negiligible) She said "good", and I decided not to text her until later that night to try and rid of the fact that i'm not as into her as she was into me. then i get another text couple hours later saying "so you just texted me to see how my practice went?" I responded, "yeah dawg, i know that you always have practice mondays, and i'm gonna become a better cheerleader than you so you better step yo game up" and she brought up some funny story about how she tried to teach me to do flips" and i brought up another inside joke and no response from her since then. what the hell does this mean?(this was yesterday so my most recently contact with her)

    Sorry for the long story, but i guess this is what happens when you're that into someone.

    What am I to expect? I am on the borderline of moving past her because i am going off to college(but coming home every weekend, so i am able to see her every week) and I also still have feelings for her.
    I do have many other dating prospects which i am currently using to attempt to trigger her jealous reactions(for the sole purpose of trying to escape the friend zone. not to get back at her or anything), but I don't know where this is going. Not trying to boast, but I am indeed the muscular type of guy who works out every single day to maintain his body and am a state-known track runner. I am the intellectual type who scored 4.0 GPA all throughout high school and am with a high paying job at the modeling agency. I play the flute, violin and piano. Also knowledgeable of not only the sports world, but politics and art/music. I am also a medicine major well on my way and we attend the same church so she knows I am indeed God-fearing. What am I lacking exactly?

    An advice or predictions would help.

    Thanks for taking time to read my ridiculous story.


    EDIT: One thing I think I should add is that I've dated many girls in the past 4 months of my first college semester. I would feel safe to say this girl is different than the others, to the extent that I have genuine interest in her rather than going at it for cheap thrills like I did with the girls from my work. It's a bastard comment, but it's why I'm all caught up.
    Last edited by MDBreye; 15-01-10 at 01:00 AM.

  2. #2
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    Tell her you are only looking for an open relationship if she offers to be friends.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoredGeorge View Post
    Tell her you are only looking for an open relationship if she offers to be friends.
    This - tell her you have plenty of friends, what you're looking for is someone to have a relationship with.

  4. #4
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    I don't quite follow. Can someone elaborate in a way an idiot can understand :]

    BTW, we have movie plans this weekend. I played it chill and let her knows I have plans with other girls. She doesnt seem phased. But this was through text. Anyone know if she's feeling anything? She literally told me she liked me back when I confessed to her before.
    We have plans to watch Daybreakers(scary movie :] ). I asked when, she specifically said, "I get out of school at 10 and im free after that " and i told her i promised to take out another girl and said mayb later that night or saturday. So i'll be spending time with someone else tomorrow morning.
    So far, the escaping of the friend zone is working in my favor. She is blowin up my phone with texts. And I was always the one to make first contact. Oh how the tables have turned.

  5. #5
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    I think she's using good judgement by resisting you.

    Three years isn't a big age gap if your in your mid-twenties or beyond, before that the experience gap is huge! Here's a question, would that relationship even be LEGAL where you are?

    If she gets into a relationship with you she's going to be pressured to grow up faster, even if you don't intend that to happen.

    I'm saying this as someone who looked and acted very mature at that age. I dated college guys and ended up breaking a couple of hearts, because no matter how mature I seemed I was still just out of the threshold of childhood.

    Take a step back, I think your attraction might be clouding your view of her.

    And if you really do care think about this:

    Her family situation has forced her to grow up too fast, do you really want to make her grow up even faster?

  6. #6
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    I suppose you're right. On paper your view is perfectly reasonable and probably the one to adhere to. I'll have to keep it in mind. But for now, I'll just let time do its thing. I think it's just the worst part of me that wants to have a fling with her. But I can tell in the end, I'll be the one getting hurt just as you say. I'm gonna have to wary from now on. But I'll see where this goes.

    Thanks so much for your view.

  7. #7
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    There's a couple of boundaries that I think are good to be aware of as you get older in terms of dating. It goes something along the lines of "don't seriously date someone in another stage of life than you"

    So if you're in college and she's in highschool...
    If you're graduated from college living with a career and she is a sophmore in college...
    If you're graduated from college and she's in high school (hahahahahahaha just saying for the sake of argument here)

    Now if you're both collee grads, both in highschool, both in college, one is finished with college and the other is doing a masters/PhD/some other higher learning beyond standard college than you're probably going to be more likely to have a real relationship.

    Everything else is a fling at best, or a one night stand. Don't try and cope with shit you've grown out of, and the other person shouldn't either.

    Just how I live my dating life, it hasn't steered me wrong so far.

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