Ex contacting me. Just friends or does he want more?

[sunflwr23]

i don't know if he is crawling back. i think he might honestly be just talking to me as a friend or to fill a void left by all of his friends growing up and getting into serious relationships and leaving him lonely. I just can't read him! I know he talks to another girl from school but she is like 3-4 years younger than him and younger than his little sister. As far as I can remember those things bothered him but who knows anymore. I am the mature one he should want to be with. He knows nothing would ever work out with these younger girls and I am worried he is holding onto me for when he is done playing. I wish I had more options to see what I am into...but everything in that department is FAILING! I have another single girlfriend who attaches herself to all single guys asap and then they become off limits even if they aren't interested. Its so hard to meet a guy if single guys are hard to come by and then my single friend is scooping them all up. Last night was a planned setup for me and she went at him full force. It makes it hard to move on. Especially when I am so hung up on my ex still.

[sunflwr23]

i am also terrible at this whole making him want me by not talking to him or being mysterious sort of stuff... i keep the conversations going or i feel the need to contact him!

[cmacattack1]

I know it's not easy but I think you are missing the point of no contact. I know right now you are concentrating on it as a way to get him back, I did the same thing with my ex girlfriend. That's why it drove me nuts and I went maybe two weeks before I broke it again. But it's not a tactic to get him back. It's a way for you to build your independance and your own life without him. This isn't about him anymore, it's about you. What makes you happy and what you can do with yourself without him.

You can't fool him into thinking you don't really care anymore, it's impossible. And it shows when you keep conversations going longer. You have to really buy into this and get yourself mentally straightened out for results to happen.

The bonus is that it helps him to miss you if he feels that he does miss you he will contact you. It also helps the pain and issues from the relationship fade as to remember what you guys had in a better light. It hasn't been long since the breakup I know and it's hard to see that right now. And having your single life suck is making you all the more crazy and want to be back with him. This single friend of yours throwing herself at every guy and having them "off limits" sounds stupid to me. She can't date them all can she? Keep your single life in line and not worry what she will think because you need this. You need to meet new people and get new experiences. Nobody saying you have to jump right into another serious relationship, so have fun with it. I promise you, the longer you are on your own, the stronger you will become and the better it will help you.

[sunflwr23]

you do realize it's been almost a year since we broke up. THat's the thing this break up isn't fresh. I recovered from it and started a new life and went 4 months with complete no contact and 6 months with only talking two times in the first two months. We did no contact and then he decided he didn't want to do no contact anymore and he has been in contact with me almost every 3 days. I think there might be another girl though. I just don't know how he can bring all these feelings back out in me. I love him and I never stopped loving him but I'd put aside and now I want to get back together and those feelings are going full force!!

[foreverbroken1]

you got better things going for you, if he didn't feel the same the first time, do you think you will feel like committing the second time. if you want to waste your time go ahead, but i'm sure that there is a guy out there for you who wants to be in serious relationship. no need for games. don't you think you deserve better for yourself?

[sunflwr23]

I really don't know about the commitment. I honestly thought he'd grow up. According to friends he has. But I really think it will take living in a new environment and having a real job for him to really start to mature and want commitment. I always new that but I wanted him to still want to be with me because things were good between us until he was ready to think about forever. I really wish there were other guys I would have met. I am exhausted from going out and trying to meet them. I go to a school with a 70-30 girl to guy ratio so it's quite unfortunate for me. If I wasn't broke I'd be tempted to do a dating site...I've met guys who I like but they aren't interested and I never hear from them. I love my ex and I would love to be with him again. But I do think I could be happy with someone else. But honestly I've talked to him more than any potential date. From the first time I met him I felt comfortable with him and I knew he was the kind of guy I wanted to marry. I'd never felt that about anyone before. I'd dated other people and thought I loved other people. But from the first time I hung out with my ex alone it felt SO different. I still have those feelings but I act like he is one of my stupid unrequited crushes and not a guy who was once madly in love with me. I want to have control back and want him to be the one who worries about me and what I'm doing, and is nervous to talk to me, has to worry if i'll talk to him or not etc. But I haven't been acting that way and life doesn't always work that way. He should be begging for me back. I was a good girlfriend and he broke my heart and I didn't deserve it. I know I did things wrong and I have learned from mistakes and my life for the most part has changed. Yet I still want him!! I still LOVE him! But deep down I know it's not going to work out if we were to get back together if I am as desperate for him as I am now. But I am not sure how to change that. Even when I do things like ignore him when he contacts me, it's because I think it's best for getting him back and it's takes a lot of self control.

[cmacattack1]

Well getting back together would be impossible, as you are a grown up and matured person and getting back together implies you are both unchanged. You would have to be starting a new relationship. And I don't think it's wrong to want to be with him if he has changed for the better, as change is very very possible. I've grown so much in the last few months in the wake of my break up. I'm just concerned because he hasn't apologized to you for how he acted before did he? Is he even aware of what he did? That's a sure sign of maturity to swallow your pride and do that.

I don't think you want him to be begging you and crawling to be back. That wouldn't be very attractive would it?

I feel like the more unsuccessful your dating life is going, the more he is going to be looking better and better each time. Those really special relationships that you had are very few and far between, they happen a couple times in a lifetime it seems. I hope that's not skewwing your view of him.

Don't forget that ignoring him on purpose for getting him back is playing games. Just to let you know.

[sunflwr23]

I know it's playing games but it's better than showing him my desperate self and losing all sense of dignity in his eyes. Some of the times it's unintentional and I am out (or asleep) but he doesn't have a right to know what I do all the time anymore. He also doesn't have a right to talk to me all the time. If he wants me in his life he shouldn't have broken up with me! But talking to him makes me happy and it makes me smile and laugh. If that ever changes I might tell him to leave me alone. I wonder if he is ever playing games with me. Or if is ever sitting online hoping I will IM him. I am pretty sure the one night we talked he was hoping to talk to me. I've been getting such mixed signals recently. I go back and forth- he misses you and is thinking of you, he's lonely, he misses you and is thinking of you, he's lonely.

[foreverbroken1]

I understand the feeling your going thru, I've been there crushed and hurt but I learned if you love someone you should let them go, if things weren't meant to be. I know it hurts, but your only young and there will be more to come in life. You'll have alot more guys in your life who will treat you rite, not like something you pickup and drop anytime. If you hurt you this bad imagine being in a relationship wit this person again. You need too start using your rational instead of going by ur emtions! In the long run sounds to me like a bad idea but that's just me, you deserve it to yourself
to get a guy that treats u rite!

[cmacattack1]

I know for a fact that people do change, so as stupid as people make it out to be, it's not an insane idea to entertain being back with him. It's been a while like you said, and you said he seems mature and different, so that option is open. However, he is the one that dumped you and he has to be the one to make all the steps back to you. You don't need to dive at him with your desparate self, all you have to do is mirror him until he finally comes out with what he wants to do. It's a difficult, infuriating process, but unless he wants to talk about it and wants to be back with you, there is really nothing you can do. You might even get sick of it and just cut him out of your life for good. That choice is yours.

[sunflwr23]

its so hard going back to ignoring him. he hasn't been available at all. I have no idea what he's been busy with I haven't heard from him since Sunday maybe... I still really love him and I miss talking to him regularly again.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Do not let yourself ponder about him all the time. Focus on other things, like study, work, spending time with family and friends or pursuing your hobbies. Time will go really slow if you just wait for him. If the two of you are meant to be together, then when the time is right, he will come back to you (not the other way around, you coming back to him, since he's the one who dumped you). For the time being, move on with your life and live it to the fullest even without his presence.

[sunflwr23]

I am going to try not to think of him. Some days that is really hard. Especially when he is being mysterious then I wonder what he's doing or who he is with. These thoughts always lead to bad dreams about him with some other girl. I wouldn't mind meeting a guy and just having fun for awhile. I never thought I'd be a person to just go on a few dates at least after dating my ex who I really loved. It's just I live in a very small town where I don't know many people and when I try to meet new people I always meet them and their significant other. And I don't want to revert back to dating undergraduates. Do you think he will contact me again soon? Or keep in touch with me? I don't want to let him use me but I enjoy talking with him and I want it to develop into more. But I also want him to enjoy his last semester of college. Cause things will change a lot once he moves away from his best friends.

[cmacattack1]

But I also want him to enjoy his last semester of college. Cause things will change a lot once he moves away from his best friends.

Sounds like there's part of the issue right there. His friends and having a good time is a top priority and when he is away from that, he will reevaluate what's important to him. Something he has to do on his own, no matter how much his friends said he's grown up. Everything you talk about with them will get back him, don't forget that.

Is it possible that he will meet somebody else and that person will knock him off his feet and want him to change his life around? Yes. Is it likely? Probably not. Instead of playing the odds game here, you know that sitting around and waiting isn't getting you anywhere. You have to get out there and meet some new people yourself. You could very well meet somebody that knocks you off your feet. You really can't lose if you go forward yourself. Who knows when he will pop up again?

[sunflwr23]

Yeah I am again by no means sitting around just waiting for him. Every guy I have been out with since him has just been a flop. I'm going out with a bunch of new guys tonight with some friends. Maybe I will someone tonight But as for him. I think when he moves away and has a real life and his best friends are living with their girlfriends and they aren't drinking and playing video games or going out all the time he will reevaluate. I mean just home for 1 month without them and he wanted to talk to me all the time. But I am careful what I say cause I have been back stabbed by one of my good friends who told him everything. I have let some stuff slip but I come here cause I learned my lesson. But I do hear about him from them. When I say stuff about him I always try to make it positive and that I'm not being clingy or even that I'm not expecting anything beyond just being friends. One concern is one of my big confidants is dating one of his best friends so...who knows the communication line there and what gets share. I just have to assume everything which is scary. But I am going to try to censor better this semester. And also not ruin a friendship by harping about my ex.