Friend acting weird around my gf?

[gignnom]

I share an apartment with my gf, my friend and my gf's sister.

abit of background on my friend. The last gf he had was in high school which was more than 2 years go. Although he did go out with her for 2 years, he now uses her as an excuse for not getting another gf, he says he is still not over her.

Ok, so Ive known this friend for 12 years, so I know him very well. As soon as i introduced my girlfriend he was trying so hard to be best friends with her. That's fine, but it's asif he's subtly trying to edge me out....he wants to go to the gym...he doesn't ask me...he begs my gf to go with him...I mean...sharing an apartment is hard enough for privacy, but there are a few times where I'd like to just have a private conversation with my gf in the kitchen (yes, that's where I can get some privacy sometimes..) and there he comes, at the kitchen doorway "what are you guys talkin about?" ....

being friends for this long I have been looking past a lot of things, my gf tells me everything he talks to her about and he has been subtly putting me down when he speaks to my gf and things like the gym, I know its something small but it does make me feel uncomfortable

the latest thing is that he went overseas and he bought my gf jewellery. I don't know if I'm thinking about this the wrong way, but I found that quite....weird...he also said to my gf "I know you like dogs so I got you a necklace with a dog on it...

I've spoken to quite a few friends about it and they have all said that is pretty weird but my gf thinks its not that bad since we live together and she says he's being nice. For me I think when the situation comes where he says "oh, you're wearing 'my' necklace i bought you" that would be quite uncomfortable for me...

a mutual friend has said that he has been in a shell for too long and that he's lost his touch and he's gotten abit weird

I'm not sure, if I speak to him about it I'm pretty sure he's gonna lose it and say how he's just trying to be nice but the way he's acting atm, is really making me feel uncomfortable and starting to really irritate me

any thoughts?

[gignnom]

woops, sorry, posted it in section

sorry~

[vashti]

I think it is common that males that live with females end up bonded to each other in a way that wouldn't have happened had they not been living together.

Maybe you should rethink your living arrangements?

[QueenofCorona]

I agree. One way to ruin a friendship is living together. He might have a little crush on her but maybe he's easily drawn to her because he knows she can't hurt him, she has you so he can dote on her and not be hurt. Just a thought. I think you'll feel less paranoid once you're on your own.

[AdminOnline]

Moved to love advice forum.

[starbuck]

He might just be clueless about this, but I would say jewelry usually falls in the romantic gift category. I don't blame you for saying "wtf."

There may not be any ill intention behind his gesture, but even so, I think you're within every right to ask him politely not to buy your girlfriend jewelry.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I could see buying your sister a necklace with a dog on it if she liked dogs. It's not like it was a ring.

Still, I think you should think about adjusting your living arrangements as well.

[IncognitoSir]

You need your own place man, plain and simple. Tell you the truth, I would never move my gf in with a guy friend of mine for this exact reason. Sooner or later there is going to be a problem. If he's talking smack about you to her behind your back, I mean c'mon, thats how it starts man. I've seen this too many times. Move out and bring your gf with you.

[Sanctuary]

Didn't I respond to this already?

You've known this guy for 12 years so he should be a good friend but he doesn't even respect you - he puts you down behind your back to your gf. What the **** is that shit?

And he buys your gf jewelry. lol?

On top of that, he acts kinda like a creep too.

There's a line that you don't cross, and he's crossed it.. twice.

Ask your friend if he wants to get his ass kicked.

[Disillusioned]

a mutual friend has said that he has been in a shell for too long and that he's lost his touch and he's gotten abit weird

There's an old proverb: "It is foolish to adjust your hat under the plum tree or tie your laces in the rice field lest the owner accuse you of stealing his property." As far as confrontation is concerned, whether his intentions are harmless (subjective) or not is irrelevant if they don't appear harmless. The person driving like he's drunk can expect to be pulled over and asked how many drinks he's had. He'll most likely play the "innocent and hard done by" card so turn it back on him. Tell him that while he is being a snake you never took him to be so stupid as to believe you'd swallow that BS. Ask him what he would do then call him a liar if he lies. I think he deserves an ass kicking for trying to defame your character. Not that you should actually kick his ass but heat the argument as if you're prepared to in order to get your point across that it's not cooll. 12 years means more to you than to him. He's trying to get with your girl. It's obvious. He might try to use it to demonize you in front of your girlfreind too. He does have an agenda, after all. Shut him down and re-evaluate dragging his ass around as a "friend".

[lastwish]

What he is doing is pretty weird. But don't cause too much drama. Like others said, you two need a place of your own.

[Mish]

I think you need to move out of the place and move in to another place with your gf so the two of you are on your own.

[TheBlackFlux]

If you 2 aren't planning to move, I'd say an early confrontation is a much more preferable option, than something stupid happening. You have the right, he is acting weird. On the other hand, it may just be a phase he's going through and maybe he needs a slap. Metaphorical one lol.

[all alone]

given what you said about his dating past, i would guess that he isn't comfortable moving forward himself, so he sees your gf as a female friend he can trust easily and be around comfortably. That being said, the jewellery part is kinda wierd. Maybe he is just trying in his own way to move on, but its putting you between a rock and a hard place?

i say approach with caution, u dont want to start a fight or anything. The best thing you could probably do is get the guy out of the house! Get him to meet chicks, get ur gf to find a female chick u can try and set him up w or double w. That would probably be better/easier then a confrontation.

[shheadz]

Forget about the jewelery. Talking sh!t about you to her is pretty much step #1 in stealing another man's girl. He's also going out of his way to prevent you two from having intimate moments together like he's jealous. Or in some perverse way trying to be apart of those intimate moments. I agree with Disillusioned.. It's time to put on the man pants, and have a serious.. mildly threatening talk with your "friend".