No Contact

[IncognitoSir]

Okay its been almost a month since my gf and I broke up. I've been working on the no contact thing and it's been working very well for me. Unfortunately, I answered a call from her a few days ago. This was a mistake, I realised it as soon as I answered the call. She says, "I really miss you". Instantly I'm thrown into this worl of confusion all over again. In my head I'm like, why the fcuk did you blow me off all the time when I was there with you then?

I feel myself loathing around and very angry all over again, it's like I set myself back 2 weeks by speaking with her. I'm starting to feel like I dont even want to work it out with her now. Not to mention she's still doing the same o crap, she can never find time for me, that is unless SHE misses me or needs me for something. I guess its hard to let go of your first love, but Im tired of feeling like this and I'm ready to move on. Here's to me not speaking to her again until I'M ready.

[shheadz]

I feel for ya man. I go through the same crap every week, because I have to work with my ex a couple nights. I'm fine all week, then the moment I see her I start feeling angry, and I pretty much stay that way for a few days till it subcides. I tried to pull off a no contact in that situation. I completely ignored her at work.

Guess what happened? She got really upset, and start texting me all the time wanting to talk. So after two weeks of that I finally said fine, we'll at least be friends for now. Can you guess what happened after that? Once again she doesn't seem to give a crap about me. Every couple days I'd give a quick text like "Hey, what's up?" and I either don't hear back from her, or she gives me one or two word responses. Which is bullshit, because she texts her other friends 24/7. Oh, but just last week when I was ignoring her she just had to talk to me.

I really hate women sometimes.

[TheLostAdonis]

Their is an emotional succubus in each and every one of them.

[Coco]

I must be too disgusted by my ex because I saw him earlier today. I haven't answered any of his phone calls for the past 3 weeks. Almost 4. So when I saw him today he stood in front of me and starts hurling insults, "Why the fcuk are you ignorning me. You're being stupid. You know you miss me. You'll never find no one like me." Blah Blah Blah. I just stared at him and ended up laughing and walking away. I went and sat in the waiting room. he came in there too and just stood there waiting for me to say something. But I never did. Eventually he walked out. He texted my phone later on saying. I'm sorry I blew up. You just look really beautiful and I miss you. Can I come back home. I texted back and said LOL

I say all that to say... laugh at her ass the next time contact is made. it will make you feel better.

[shheadz]

I really think it's an ego thing. All that's important to them is maintaining the upper hand. They lose that upper hand when you act like you're better off without them.

[IncognitoSir]

Yeah, I feel you. I sent her a message on fb last night after I made this thread. I have all her calls forwarded straight to voice mail now. I have to move on and as much as it hurts, I'm done feeling like crap because of her. She will realize what she's done sooner or later but either way its got to get better than this. I'm done being a sucker for her. I woke up feeling a lil better, and i'm sure it'll get better the longer I stay away from her.

[Coco]

I feel you. It's hard doing the no contact thing. I have to fill my time up doing something else to avoid answering his phone calls. It was hard to see him. He was looking so good I wanted to hold him. But once I laughed at him instead of reacting... I felt like I had some control over my emotions again.

It will get better. I know you're hoping sooner than later. Me too! Just hang in there <3 <3

[IncognitoSir]

Luckily, I have a few really graet friends to kick it with all the time so I think it'll be ok. Not to mention, I've always got this forum which is a HUGE help for me. I really appreciate everyone who commented in my post here! NC is a bia, but like you said, it will get better!

[FrailWings]

IncognitoSir, i'm going through a similar thing. However she hasn't attempted any form of communication with me at all. Best thing is to just stick to NC, as hard as it is, even when things are completely down and your just so tempted to pick up that phone, you just need to keep away. NC is your best friend now.

Regardless of what happens, picture yourself a year from now or 2, if its with her, or even if its not with her, you'll not be feeling this pain, you'll be happy, even happier than you ever were with her. Good luck buddy, things WILL work out in the end, i promise.

[pinkinterlude]

I know what you mean about feeling you've set yourself back. But NC really does work. I'm discovering this. After 2 weeks, apart from calls/texts inbetween from him on friday nights, he contacts me last Thursday out of the blue, telling me about his driving test.

Then on friday night, it was his frist gig without me being there, and he was texting me constantly telling me what was going on, even though I wasnt replying. He then asked if we could meet cos he needed to talk about things. I met up with him and now he's saying he misses me, and doesnt want to lose me, and wants us try again but 'take things slowly and see how it develops'. He knew I want to get back with him but I told him a few weeks back.

I think the fact I never got in touch and it was always him initating contact made him wonder what was happening. I think he thought I'd be pestering him. Anyways, I told him I'd have to think about it, and have since told him that I think we could give things another try.

I do agree with shheadz about the ego thing, his ego was definately boosted after I was honest with him about what I wanted and how I felt but that was cos I didnt want to make things harder for him, or pay games.

I don't know what he means by 'taking it slow' but I'm just gonna follow his lead and try not to get too involved last time. I'm gonna start living my life and if he's supposed to be part of it then great, if not, I now know its not the end of the world, despite the hurt.

But IncognitoSir, you seem like you're handling things well considering and as confusing and hurtful as these situations are, you seem to know what's best for you. And that's all you can do at the moment, do what's best for you.

[IndiReloaded]

NC is just to break the hormone addiction. The better you are at keeping it, the faster it will pass. Then you will be able to see your ex from a whole new perspective.

Hang in there.

[cmacattack1]

I feel for ya man. I go through the same crap every week, because I have to work with my ex a couple nights. I'm fine all week, then the moment I see her I start feeling angry, and I pretty much stay that way for a few days till it subcides. I tried to pull off a no contact in that situation. I completely ignored her at work.

Guess what happened? She got really upset, and start texting me all the time wanting to talk. So after two weeks of that I finally said fine, we'll at least be friends for now. Can you guess what happened after that? Once again she doesn't seem to give a crap about me. Every couple days I'd give a quick text like "Hey, what's up?" and I either don't hear back from her, or she gives me one or two word responses. Which is bullshit, because she texts her other friends 24/7. Oh, but just last week when I was ignoring her she just had to talk to me.

I really hate women sometimes.

You are right, it's a big ego thing. It seems our generation more so than ever has some seriously inflated egos. Part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high.

And not to put down your ex, but that's not how women act. That's how girls act.

[IncognitoSir]

I agree with all you guys and gals! Following up on you cmac, these are the actions of a girl which I did take notice too some time ago, but I am dealing with it fairly well as of right now. I realize there will be tough times ahead but I believe I cant get through it on my own and with the help of a few good friends to keep my occupied.

And in response to Indie, you are so right! The whole physical attraction has been on my mind a lot lately, and I do miss that but I also know my emotions are tied in with that as well so I don't dwell on those thoughts for long.

[Sanctuary]

And not to put down your ex, but that's not how women act. That's how girls act.

Stop putting girls down to feel better about yourself.

Ignoring also works on women too because it operates on so many levels which I can't really think of how to explain right now.

You need to stop thinking like a guy to understand women because they don't think like guys.

For ex.,

When a girl likes a guy, that increases the chances that he'll like her.

When a guy likes a girl, it has almost no effect on whether she'll like him or not.

Women are from Venus guys; stop assuming that they should think like martians and then calling them silly.

[cmacattack1]

I was just saying how shithead's ex is acting is immature and childish. Not a woman, a girl. Not putting down the whole sex here.

Indie is right, it will put your ex in a different light the longer you are in NC and really think about it and look at all the details with some brutal honesty. It took my best friend to point out where my ex was acting wrong as I was tempted to put her on a pedestal. My ex was immature, childish, and needed to grow up as well. That doesn't change who she is at the core of her person though and I still love her. I know that I cannot be with her right now but it doesn't change how I feel.

The sad part is, I imagine my ex is all pissed off and hurt and trying to make me out to be the bad guy. She would never admit where she was wrong and just bashed me to make her feel better about herself. I even got "I did absolutely nothing wrong, it was all your fault." Give me a break. I still understand why she is angry and why she would say these things. Doesn't change how I feel about her.

You can still love her and care about her Cog regardless of how wrong she was. You and her both made mistakes, even if the scales are tipping towards her. The blame game won't get you anywhere. Whether you end up with her or somebody else, you will still feel how you feel about her.