Going on holiday with my recent 'ex'....

[Senbonzakura]

Hi everyone

I'm in a pretty tricky situation. So, after about 4 months of dating, my girlfriend in the past month began to lose interest in me and the relationship. She said a lot of hurtful things in her times of anger; but when she has cooled down she has said: "I don't want to be your girlfriend any more"... "I still love you, but I don't want to be your girlfriend, because we don't go well together.. we have different hobbies and interests"

Now, her and I had a holiday booked from a while ago to Japan, we're going to be staying at my relatives' house.. and she has wanted to go to Japan for many many years... so I planned to show her an amazing time... Thing is, now she's saying she doesn't want to be my girlfriend any more..... But says she's OK with going on the trip still... (just not as my girlfriend?)

Before, she used to text me every day, asking how my day was, asking if we could hang out... But ever since Christmas, she stopped that... You see, my problem is that it's my first real relationship and it's not her first... so I approached the relationship with less experience... I went down the 'sensitive and always be there, taking care when in need, 110% route'.. She even told me recently that it actually put too much pressure on her because she felt she had to return it but in her heart wasn't really quite ready to do all the same. So basically, by trying harder, I ended up driving her further away... very gutting feeling.


NOW; we're both on separate holidays in France and Singapore respectively... and she's with our mutual friends. She hasn't emailed or messaged me in any way... which makes me think she's really lost interest totally... We both return home in a few days and then we're supposed to fly off to Japan together...


So to get her back, I think I need to find a way to get her to redevelop her interest in me and our relationship... How can I go about this in my situation? How should I act when I next see her when we both return home in a few days? And then... how should I act during our Japan trip?

Would it work if I did the 'You know what? You're right, I don't care anymore and don't really want you as my girlfriend.' The cool and adamant approach to throw her off? As she expects that I still want to be with her... (I did make it clear that it will be impossible to be friends with her if we stay broken up at this point.. and I'll have to shut her out of my life to move on..)

Any help'd be really appreciated


Thanks!

[Illusional]

do you really want her back?? because it sounds to me like she's going to half assedly stay with you until the japan trip is over.. and then poof. she's disappear. interesting name btw, 1000 cherry blossoms. well, being that japan is a really nice place and she wants to go there, i'm thinking that she's only using you maybe as a tour guide.

however, if you want her back, personally i don't like to play with bullshit. i would give her the ultimatum and take it from there. and i would do it before the trip. if shit doesn't work out, then i'm always down for another japan trip.. haha. honestly though, set her straight before the trip. otherwise, if this relationship turns sour, you'll have biter memories of her and this experience.

raverboy

[shheadz]

If, for whatever reason, you do want her back, then giving her an ultimatum is probably the wrong thing to do. She was already feeling pressured in the relationship, so putting on more pressure isn't going to help.

I definitely wouldn't take her on the trip to Japan. Really all that does is show her that she can still have you, and what she wants from you, without actually being a relationship with you. You should tell her honestly that you are not interested in a friendship with her at this point, and since you're not friends, and you're not lovers, there's no reason she should go on the trip with you.

[Senbonzakura]

Thing is though, I do still want to be with her. Because I really do love her. I've always given my all, which is a bit of a problem I believe... because it just 'burned us out'... because I didn't pace our relationship. The whole "i love you" thing happened within a week of dating and she was the one who initiated it.

Hmm, thing is I do want her to be there with me; and we'd planned this from a long time ago. So assuming we are in Japan together.. how do I act and behave to make her want me again? I know it's not simple... but there must be some tricks?

I used to always be quite touchy feely, which she found irritating after a while... and a bit PDA... So if I show a completely different colder less emotional and much less sensitive side of me... perhaps it could help make her want to see me be my sensitive understanding and loving self once again.. thus making her want to be with me?


Any advice?

thanks!

[Senbonzakura]

Can anyone offer me some of their advice or personal insight?

[shheadz]

Can anyone offer me some of their advice or personal insight?

I have. So has Illusional. But it's clear you're going to do whatever you want to do anyway. So I wouldn't expect too many people here to keep offering advice.

[Paul Cho]

The girl needs to go.


I have no mercy for skanks who want to use people.




Paul Cho

[SirWagginston]

DO NOT take her on this trip. You will regret it deeply for a very long time. Just don't do it.

Trust me on this. I had a beautiful vacation planned for my ex, too, to my family's remote island on the Canadian side of Georgia Bay. She also still wanted to go after we entered an open relationship. I also had always tried to be as kind and loving as possible, although I was more experienced relationship-wise. She also wasn't mature enough to handle that level of intimacy and trust in a relationship.

Almost as soon as we got back to the States, she left me. That's what's going to happen to you. Don't be a chump, dude.

[Thelovedoctor]

Here's what you do to get her back in the mood.

-Buy a bottle of rufies
-Bring her to a private area
-Slip the rufies in her drink when she's not looking, or ask her to go get something and then slip it in
-once the rufies kick in, pin a note on her that says "useless whore" and mail it to her mother.
-When she wants you to do her a "favor", show her the pic and remind her that for every favor she wants you to do, is one more person you send to.

And if you take everything I just said to do to heart and actually consider doing it, I will bitchslap you.

just do what paul cho said. say goodbye and good riddence.