I have no clue

[gl0x]

Hello I came across this site because I really don't know what else to do. Recently me and my girlfriend broke up. Usually you hear about these things and people get over it but, I feel it is impossible to stop thinking about her or even go one minute without thinking of her.

We had taken a break from each other over 1 year ago because we both decided things were moving quickly, and I needed to change my attitude (jealous, lazy etc)

We got back together for 2 years and now she let me know she is not interested anymore, not attracted to me, and feels no pain telling me she does not love me anymore. I have been trying to move on talk to friends stay busy but it's all a relapse of the first time we took a break, and I feel as if this time it's 1000 times worse then before.

I wish I know what to do but, I have a soft heart and I'm stuck right now. I really do hate feeling this way but it is brutal waking up and thinking I would be next to her right now, or on a weekend or weeknight watching tv or hanging out. I mean just typing all this out is killing me - I don't even know how I accomplished typing it out without breaking down..

I wish stuff like this didn't even happen because it sucks..

[FrailWings]

I hear you buddy. I've been through the same thing, you can't eat, everything feels different, you feel tired constantly, you break down randomly, you can't stop thinking about your ex. That was for a week after my ex dumped me. I don't know if you have, but i certainly did, sent lots of texts, rung her up many times, and she just ignored it all. I know this is really hard, but i promise you right now, you will feel better, and if you have to, you'll move on.

The best thing to do now, is do nothing, she's said what she's said, and you trying to talk to her, is going to justify her decision, if you come across needy etc. So from this point, you should have no contact with her. This will give her a chance to miss you.

You say, you needed to change your attitude? Did you? It's clear you need to some sorting yourself out, and within this time period of no contact (NC), work on yourself, stop being lazy, try and better yourself as a person. Women generally think completely different to us guys. But you want to give her the chance to miss you, and if this relationship is ever to have a chance, you want HER, to come back to you at HER own will.

There's many people going through the same thing in this forum, i'm the same, with many others. Just try your best with NC, you don't want to destroy your chances with being needy constantly contacting you. You're constantly breaking down etc, it's your reaction to not having something you've had for so long, it's like an addiction, you need to break. NC will help you break it up, but build up a feeling of loneliness in your ex, and she may start to miss you.

For now expect nothing, don't expect her to come back, set yourself up for moving on, so whatever happens, you'll be prepared either way. Get your perspective back on your relationship, what went wrong? Improve yourself as a person.

Honestly, i know there's thousands of cliches, but there's one absolute certainity, you'll eventually feel better, and move on, if that is what you have to do. Hang in there buddy.

[gl0x]

I definitely agree with everything you said. being alone is a nightmare so I try to be out with friends or something

Sometimes the idea of parting separate ways sounds good because maybe she is right we aren't meant to be together but - what hits home is the fact after three years it's hard just to accept that answer.

thanks for the reply btw

[Hillbilly]

that is a tough pill to swallow.,Im glad you admit to needing to change.,it may not help in this case but it will help you as you move forward.

[FrailWings]

I know, it's hard. Maybe she is right, maybe she isn't. I was with my ex for 14 months, and she broke up with me just after Christmas, we argued abit, and that was that. I do miss her, but i'm not like I was, you'll find yourself slowly calming down. Surround yourself with friends. At first i didn't eat for days, i'd just sleep the days away.

That's just not healthy, one relationship, is the potential beginning of a new one. You'll eventually get over this, if you need too. But, picture yourself in 10 years, you'll want to be successful, a good marriage, maybe some kids, dependent on age etc. At the end of the day, maybe next year, or in 6 months, you'll look back, and be with someone, you love so much, and think, why was i so bothered? This new girl is so fantastic.

Now that's looking way ahead, just focus on improving yourself, and try your best sticking to NC. It's 13 days for me, and if i'm honest, i'm benefitting from it, ups and downs, but i've met new people, and my perspective is changing. Honestly, things WILL get better, and opportunities will open up. Everyone goes through this at some stage in their lives, only a extremely small number don't. But hey, you need bad times, to have good times, and so forth.

It'll all work out in the end.

[cmacattack1]

If that's how she truly feels, there isn't much you can do about it. As is the sad pattern, most girls (maybe most of us) stay in a relationship longer than necessary, and when all love is gone, they dump you. There were probably signs that it was going downhill, but it always rips the floor out from under you. And therein lies the problem: we aren't being honest with how we feel and we are too insecure to be apart unless we know that we got something else lined up or the relationship is completely dead to them. And that is an immature relationship.

I don't see anything about begging to be back, so that's a plus. Most of us have that beg to be back afraid to be alone behavior and it's typical. You didn't do it, you aren't a typical guy, and that is a good thing.

So now's the time to really look back on the relationship and look at those details. What were some things that you did that probably were wrong? What were things she did that were wrong? You may need some true friends that aren't afraid to be honest with you to help you out with this. Or you can post them all here. I or somebody else will be happy to read and happy to help you.

This is a time of growth. An opportunity to become a better person. You identify the problem and you can now fix it. Dumpees always grow the most because they feel like the failure, and they want to be better. Dumpers usually feel like a winner, they got the bad out of their life it's the other's fault and now they are good. It's delusional behavior and not something she can really grow with as rapidly as you can.

Who knows when you might hear from her again? She hasn't forgotten about you and three years, trust me. The point is if she does pop back up, you will be ready. And when all this self analysis is done, you might not even want to be back with her. Why would you want to be with the same person were all her flaws if you worked so hard on yours? Don't settle.

Anyway, that's a big what if. We have to take it one day at a time here and what you do in terms of her is not important. This is all about you building your life without her and making things better for you and make you happy. The hurt sucks, it doesn't go away, and you can't help thinking about her. But it will make you stronger in the end.

[gl0x]

She tried giving me a call this morning @ 330am however I did not want to answer. I then called her back before heading into work, and let her know I will be by to pick up my stuff and that was that.

She did ask if "I was ok" which I found odd due to the fact the other night she couldn't care less if I existed or not...

once again thanks for the reply!

[FrailWings]

It's all good you're sorting getting the stuff out. But if she calls again, make her initiate the contact, let her coming running to you. That's what you want right? You want her, to want to speak to you, to want you. Not contact you because, you're being needy etc. It's good you've got a plan sorted to get your stuff back. Just get your stuff, and leave. Don't give her any attention.

Try not to take the "Are you okay?", as something it may not be. Yeah, it might mean, she still cares for you, but it could also just be a general comment, or to prevent an awkward phonecall.

Once you get your stuff start NC. My ex contacted me about getting stuff, she confused me, and basically i had to ask what she meant. Which i really shouldn't of because, i was running to her, initiating contact with her, she'd talk down to me as well. But, i've got my stuff back, and it's now 2 weeks of NC. I feel better because of it, ups and downs, but that's life in general, just try and make the downs not too low, and the highs not too high, because you'll feel rubbish once the high wears off. Just try and get it levelled out, that way your not flipping between, sadness, and happiness.

But yeah, just get your stuff, start your NC, and in a few weeks, of months, we'll see how your situation has been. In a few months, i promise you'll start to feel much better (:. Take care and hang in there buddy.

[cmacattack1]

Even if you were a total douchebag to her, she will always feel a little bit of guilt for dumping you and hurting you. She will look for any opportunity to absolve herself of that guilt, that's why the begging is bad. It makes it easier for her.

I'm sure she cares and is concerned. She's also asking if you are alright because she probably wants an emotional response. That's the skinny of it.