Huge dilemma

**qwertz** · 27-01-10, 02:27 AM

Today i found out that my best friends wife is cheating on him.

She denied it at first but then admitted it was a one off thing, the guy she cheated with is also a friend of mine (and my best friends) i spoke to him and he is refusing to either admit or deny that this has gone on longer.
Now normally I wouldnt get involved, but this is my best friend, i have known him all my life and he does not deserve this.
I know that if it was the other way round he would tell me in a heartbeat.

They dont have children, but only the other day he was telling me how they are seriously thinking about trying for a baby this year.

If i genuinely thought this was a one off thing, i probably wouldnt be asking this, but i ahve no way of knowing for certain if it is or isnt.

what do you reckon i should do? And what would you do?

**sookie6** · 27-01-10, 02:29 AM

I would tell them that if they don't tell him I will.

**Gigabitch** · 27-01-10, 02:32 AM

I would make damned sure he found out, especially because there are no kids yet. It's not too late for him to get rid of the cheater and start a family with someone who deserves his trust.

**Lovable** · 27-01-10, 02:36 AM

Gotta agree here I would first make your friends wife tell him. Also tell her if she doesn't in a certain amount of time that you will. That you don't care either way if it was a 1 off thing.

Cheating is cheating & isn't to be tolerated in a marriage.

**misombra** · 27-01-10, 02:50 AM

i would just be staying right out of it.

but that's just me.

**starbuck** · 27-01-10, 02:55 AM

I sure as hell hope that this doesn't happen with any of my married friends 'cause I would never want to be in that position.

How did you find out?

**sookie6** · 27-01-10, 02:57 AM

Originally Posted by misombra

i would just be staying right out of it.

but that's just me.

I don't like to meddle either but I am putting myself in his shoes and believe me I would like somebody to tell me if I was being taken for a fool...

Also if I was in Querty's shoes I could not stand seeing my best friend cheated on (a best friend is like family, would you like to see your bro or sis cheated on?).

Anyway I am just explaining my point of view not having a go at you

**doppelgaenger** · 27-01-10, 02:59 AM

I would tattle, like instantly. Bros before hoes.

**misombra** · 27-01-10, 03:04 AM

Originally Posted by sookie6

I don't like to meddle either but I am putting myself in his shoes and believe me I would like somebody to tell me if I was being taken for a fool...

Also if I was in Querty's shoes I could not stand seeing my best friend cheated on (a best friend is like family, would you like to see your bro or sis cheated on?).

Anyway I am just explaining my point of view not having a go at you

i appreciate that position too. however i have been in qwerty's position and i caused myself a lot of stress and misery by telling.

also, if she did it only once (as she claims) then he may be likely to forgive her. then you would be in a really awkward place with your best friend.

**qwertz** · 27-01-10, 03:14 AM

I saw them in his car..i knew instantly that wasnt 'normal' as to my knowledge they werent friends.
I phoned her and it didnt take long before she started crying hysterically saying it was a one off. Just doesnt add up as a one off to me.

I think i have to tell him, im just so gutted for him, hes had so much heartbreak when it comes to love.

**starbuck** · 27-01-10, 03:16 AM

Originally Posted by qwerty123

I know that if it was the other way round he would tell me in a heartbeat.

I think this might be your answer.

I don't envy you. What a horrible position to be put in.

**misombra** · 27-01-10, 03:17 AM

well, if you decide to tell him, i can only hope that it doesn't turn on you like it did with me. hopefully he'll appreciate the information, leave her and move on and find somebody better.

but that's really a fantasy.

worst case scenario is that he will not believe you and will be very upset with you. love is blind and people do not want to believe things about their significant others.

there are many scenarios in between those two that will affect you. i hope it all works out for you qwert. protect yourself.

**sookie6** · 27-01-10, 03:21 AM

Originally Posted by misombra

worst case scenario is that he will not believe you and will be very upset with you. love is blind and people do not want to believe things about their significant others.

this is also a valid point!

**Sonrisa** · 27-01-10, 03:24 AM

most likely he will forgive her and stay with, but this will be a burden that will always weigh over their heads. if you don't tell then she'll be the only one suffering especially knowing that you know. it will be eating her up for as long as they are together. if she decides to break it up, then she will. but otherwise by telling you will cause your friend much hurt that he doesn't deserve.

**qwertz** · 27-01-10, 03:36 AM

I wont be the one causing the hurt though..she will, she cheated, shes the one he's married to and to say that she will be the one hurting?..well im not too sure on that one..i mean, she chose to cheat!

Mis..i know there is a huge risk he may not believe me, but if he found out later down the line that i knew she had cheated and not said anything..then i would lose his friendship.

He always said to me(before he was married) and in general coversation with friends, that he would want to know if he was cheated on. I have to go by that, what else can i do.

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