How do I approach this?

[MarinaRose26]

I have been physically involved with a man recently, and I want to take it beyond fling and into "possibly something more" territory. However, we never made it to a decision, as his favorite uncle died the other day. He called upon me twice to spend the night with him, not for sympathy sex but for a comforting presence and a shoulder to cry on. I thought it was pretty significant that he called on me and not a better friend or a family member. When we weren't physically touching when I spent the night, he would start grinding his teeth and moaning in his sleep. He even asked me to spend the night on the actual day his uncle passed.

The funeral was today. I'm not sure if I should contact him to see how he is or not. I already spent two nights with him, sent him a couple of funny texts to cheer him up, and made him a batch of homemade cookies and gave him a sympathy card. I really care about him and my first instinct is to check on him and see if he needs me, but I don't want to appear like I'm throwing myself at him in his time of sorrow. Additionally, we still haven't talked about "us". I just want to spend more time with him, get to know him better, and learn about each other some more... see where it takes us. However, I don't want to bring up this subject while he's still grieving. That's just not right. He has to work all weekend to make up for the days he missed for the wake and funeral.

Any thoughts? Should I call tonight? Should I offer my company this weekend? I was thinking maybe a low-key dinner, a movie, get him out of his house or something, even if it's coming to my place to hang out. Maybe do something to relieve his stress on a working weekend?

Thanks!

[Gigabitch]

I can't give you any tips for turning an FWB into a boyfriend. As far as I know, it's a pretty difficult thing to do. If you succeed, please post and tell us how you pulled it off.

[MarinaRose26]

Well, we stopped doing the dirty. I actually enjoyed sleeping next to him better than sleeping with him. The tension has changed from sexual to something else entirely, I don't know what (emotional?). We've seen another side of each other, so to speak, with how we both reacted to the passing of his uncle. He realized that I'm not a bimbo and I realized that he's not a shallow horn-dog. The FWB was fun, and it got rocky as I tried to start a transition, and then his uncle passed and things are... different. He's realized that I'm not the typical woman he's used to dating. He likes older, high-maintenence Barbies, and I'm several years younger than him and certainly not a Barbie, low maintenence, and smart.

[girl68]

It's not dirty, if you refer to it like that you're going to have a helluva time not freaking out if he just wants to be FWB.

You should send him one text/ email and let him know that you're here for him if he needs you and your thoughts are with him. That is more than enough. Your numerous calls/ funny texts along with cookies AND a card is overkill.

[MarinaRose26]

It's not dirty, if you refer to it like that you're going to have a helluva time not freaking out if he just wants to be FWB.

That was tongue in cheek.

For the record, he's called me for my company during this time more than I've called him letting him know I'm here.

[girl68]

Then what's the problem? Are you asking if you should see him? Or are you asking about how to talk about "where is this going?"

[davidtorres]

If you ever bring up the "where is this going?" Make sure u bring if up after you guys do it and make sure you give you perform at your best that day. Just an advise from a guy that that went from FWB to BF.

[IncognitoSir]

If you ever bring up the "where is this going?" Make sure u bring if up after you guys do it and make sure you give you perform at your best that day. Just an advise from a guy that that went from FWB to BF.

Why pursue it like that? Wouldnt that base the "relationship" from a sexual foundation. Like, oh, well she is the best lay i'v ever had so i guess i can give it a shot. I thought thats what you wanted, more than the sex......maybe i'm over thinking it, i dunno.

[davidtorres]

My point was the guy will be more relax after sex.

[MarinaRose26]

I want a relationship based on more than sex. I'm wondering when would be an appropriate time to talk about "us" again after such a hard loss in the family. Additionally, I think he might have some underlying depression as well, which would obviously make the grieving process harder and longer for him. I don't want to intrude on his grieving process, but I do want to spend time with him. Honestly, I think I'm falling for him. I've never been in love and I don't know how it feels, but I think I'm heading that way about him. I just want to be around him and it kills me when I can't but I don't want to be selfish and try to spend time with him when he needs to grieve in his own way.

[sudeep13582]

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