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Thread: Other Woman Same Bed No Sex, Am I a Bad Boyfriend?

  1. #1
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    Other Woman Same Bed No Sex, Am I a Bad Boyfriend?

    Hello honest people,

    My girlfriend of 4 years just dumped me because of the following situation:

    Last weekend, I went on a trip to Las Vegas with 5 other guys and 2 girls. We all stayed in the same hotel room. I allowed one of the girls to sleep on the same bed that I was sleeping on. This was especially stupid because I was the only dude with a girlfriend and there was a vacant spot next to one of the other guys. I was dead tired, fully clothed, and didn't think it was cheating to share a bed with another woman as long as I made no advances.

    After the trip, I couldn't at first bring myself to tell my girlfriend about the sleeping arrangement even though I had stayed on my side of the bed and hadn't even laid a finger on the woman. It just sounded so bad to say, "yeah, I slept with another woman" So what did I do? I lied and said I slept with one of the guys.

    Four days later, I realized my idiocy and told my girlfriend the truth. She was absolutely livid. I have never seen anyone so angry or hurt in my entire life. She dumped me that same night.

    As a result of my actions, I have destroyed the best friendship I've ever had and have devastated someone I love immensely. I feel terrible. What do you think? Did I cheat on my girlfriend? Would you be hurt if your boyfriend behaved as I did? Honest answers please, we're all anonymous here. :-)

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    Did you gf know that all of you would be sleeping in the same room? and that there were 2 other girls going? also why didn't she go?

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    LOL I totally understand why your gf would freak out. Things wouldv been so much easier if 1) you told her the truth the first time around 2) the two girls slept in one bed!

    But yeah, you didn't cheat at all. You were wrongfully dumped. Unfortunately there is no way to prove you didn't make an advance and the fact that you lied about it the first time around just makes it worse. Next time, you just gota b either honest like: "oh yea, I did sleep on the same bed with another woman but I didn't touch her" or be indirect like: "MAYBE, I'm not sure cause I was so tired." "IDK?"

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    Or maybe next time, just don't allow other girl to sleep in the same bed with You. To be honest, I would freak out if my bf said 'yeah one girl slept next to me but i didn't touch her' <- yeah ****ing right, honestly who would belive in that No matter how much I would trust my bf ,this is just something that You don't do when You are in a relationship.
    and yeah my question is the same as above, why You didn't take her with? I would understand if there would be just guys but wtf, there were girls too.So You definately had no reason to not take her with. Even if it was a friendship trip, whatever, she's Your friend too as You said. So You did nothing but mistakes. Sorry bud, but I think there is pretty much nothing to do about it. No matter who will You send to her to tell her what was the truth ,she won't belive since all of them are your friends so she may suspect You asked them to tell it to her or to protect You... Hopeless case.
    I wazzzz here


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    I probably would have been upset, but I don't know that I would have dumped you after a four year relationship over this unless there were some other issues.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    Yeah I would give her time to cool off a bit. Is that how you phrased it? "I slept next to her but I didn't touch her?" Just that you made a point to her that you "didn't touch her" is kind of alarming. Also the fact that you changed your story, to her, it's "Who knows what really happened?"

    You gotta be up front about things and not be afraid of what she will think. So you slept next to a girl in a bed. If she doesn't understand that you guys were beat and that is how it worked out, that's not a very good quality to have in a mate. If she doesn't realize how much you actually care for her and lets one little thing like this get in the way of what you have, that's not somebody you could see in marriage, could you?

    Let her be right now and let her cool down. This isn't a make or break situation, especially after four years.
    Waking up next to a beautiful girl,
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    I would have been super pissed too. Though I think there were other things bothering her but this was the one that kicked the bucket.

    Give her some time to cool off. Then approach the topic again. Use 'I' statements when you do talk.

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    No sex, but did anything happen?
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    Why didn't you just have the 2 girls sleep on the same bed? Seems like a simple solution. No way you can make this one look good no matter what. Sorry bud.
    -to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- e.e.cummings

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    I would have to say technically no you didnt cheat on her........However you did cross a line that should not have been crossed. Put yourself in her shoes man, I still think that the best rule to follow in a relationship is to treat your partner as you would want to be treated. That being said, I would be pissed if my girl was in VEGAS of all places sleeping next to some dude! You cant tell me any different. Its a matter of respect, you didnt show any. Why didnt you give the bed to the girls and sleep on the floor??? I have done that before when traveling with girls, they always say "common, there is enough room for you on the bed" If i had a gf the answer is always, " no im cool on the floor, thanks though!". Mainly because i dont need to put myself in a bad situation. Im sure you were tired and clothed and nothing happened ( i know how vegas is) but it was still bad judgement on your part man, sorry to say.

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    Sleeping in the same bed with another girl, even if nothing happened, was about a 3 on the 1-10 scale of screwing up. Hiding it for days was about a 9.

    Please learn this lesson well and don't repeat it. DON'T HIDE SHIT.

    I don't know if you can get your girlfriend back. If she loves you enough, she'll probably forgive you, but if that's going to happen you'd better start doing some grovelling. Don't just let this sit or she'll turn into an icicle.
    Spammer Spanker

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    When people lie, or are accused of something, they tend to at first deny it flat out, then admit to something, and then maybe eventually come out with the whole truth.

    If a guy I had been with for four years came home and directly told me about sleeping in a bed with a girl, but assured me nothing had happened I may be upset, but I would trust him. However, if he first lied, and then changed his story, I wouldn't trust him. I would be waiting for the following week when he told me he actually slept with her, but it didn't mean anything, and then the following week when he told me he had been sleeping with her for months and was in love with her, etc.

    I would give her some space for now. Give it a few days and then maybe try to explain again... Does she know this girl? If so, she may try to contact her to find out more information.

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    First, you were hiding it from her
    Second, you slept with a girl next to you

    Any girl would think you did sleep with the girl next to you.

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    IDK what kind of relationship you have with your GF, but I'm pretty sure that she dumped you because of the lying, instead of the sleeping arrangements. Are you sure nothing happened? Sometimes posters will refrain from telling us the whole story. Now she thinks that you cheated, because you lied. If you had just been square with her from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened. IDK, why people can't be honest?

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    regretfulidiot:

    Last weekend, I went on a trip to Las Vegas with 5 other guys and 2 girls. We all stayed in the same hotel room. I allowed one of the girls to sleep on the same bed that I was sleeping on. This was especially stupid because I was the only dude with a girlfriend and there was a vacant spot next to one of the other guys. I was dead tired, fully clothed, and didn't think it was cheating to share a bed with another woman as long as I made no advances.

    Did she know about this trip and who was all going before you left? If you can spend time with another girl on the trip and allow her to sleep next to you then where does that leave your girlfriend you see where I'm coming at? It's like going to a strip club and then come back saying that you never looked or did anything with the girls there even though you didn't but hesitated to tell her when you got back. It's one thing if you're in an "open" relationship but since she wasn't included some things in her mind may become questionable. The level of trust and confidence a woman may have in their partner varies. Never lie when it comes to situations like this.



    After the trip, I couldn't at first bring myself to tell my girlfriend about the sleeping arrangement even though I had stayed on my side of the bed and hadn't even laid a finger on the woman. It just sounded so bad to say, "yeah, I slept with another woman" So what did I do? I lied and said I slept with one of the guys.

    If you couldn't tell your girlfriend then you shouldn't have considered the sleeping arrangement with the girl in the first place. If you reaally had to sleep next to you should have at least called your girlfriend and see how she felt about the arrangement.

    Four days later, I realized my idiocy and told my girlfriend the truth. She was absolutely livid. I have never seen anyone so angry or hurt in my entire life. She dumped me that same night.


    It shouldn't have taken you four days. The fact that you kept it from her that long may have caused her to doubt your honesty and loyalty which is one the most important traits in a person's character.

    As a result of my actions, I have destroyed the best friendship I've ever had and have devastated someone I love immensely. I feel terrible. What do you think? Did I cheat on my girlfriend? Would you be hurt if your boyfriend behaved as I did? Honest answers please, we're all anonymous here. :-)

    If you really love this woman make her your first priority (unless you have kids). It's great to spend time with other friends but you need to focus on her right now because she was hurt. I would run out and get some roses for her just for starters. Yeah, she may throw them at you but at least she sees that you are attempting to resolve the issue. It will be very intense but you must sit down and have a very heart to heart talk with her letting her know that you should have talked her earlier about it. Let her know it was a stupid mistake and that you will never do that again. Try to reassure her how much you love her. Plead for her to forgive you even if you have to cry. If she is willing to forgive you tell her you want to take her to Vegas just you and her. What ever you do not hang out with the same friends you were with earlier while trying to get back with her.
    Last edited by Roymax; 30-01-10 at 04:14 AM.

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