Should I marry her?

[ppjones]

Hi all,

Sorry to dump all this on my first post but I'm in a bit of a mess and there's some great advice here and I could certainly do with some of that!
So a bit of background, I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 years now and I've been thinking about proposing soon.
When we started our relationship she had just finished with a guy, it wasn't a healthy relationship but they remained friends and kept seeing each other as friends . I didn't like it but I didn't want to lose her or suffocate the relationship so i just kept my distance.
Last year they had a bust up and he showed his true colours and their friendship ended (great! or so i thought). A month or so ago she ran in to him , she told me she wanted to see him. I said....okay but expressed my slight discomfort.
This snowballed and i started to get really chewed up inside, I couldn't believe it was making me feel so bad. I even read her text messages which I have never done to anyone, which revealed she had not just bumped in to him but had seen him already Im not sure how many times.
So i confronted her, told her it had always felt like the relationship was between myself and this other guy. That i thought she was having an emotional relationship with him (I pray it wasn't physical). I didn't tell her to stop seeing him but i said i didn't like it and im not sure what kind of future we would have if she did.
A week or so later we sat down, she agreed that the relationship with this other guy was a bad idea and she would end it but she wants to keep his phone number just so she can check in from time to time!?!.Apparently the other guy said he wanted her to be happy and would keep his distance.....but he did love her.....
So here's my dilemma I want to marry her I've been looking at rings but something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure if i'm being paranoid or not, I did check her messages again and shes now deleting her texts.....

" The horn is a powerful beast though and XXX has always had a weird effect on me where I do not do the most logical of things."

This message keeps coming back to haunt me ............I feel like I should confront her again....but im not sure....

[misombra]

i would wait until she's done with this other person. thing is she may never be done.

[tom0478]

I think you have every right to feel the way you do. I mean she was constantly seeing her ex-bf while with you. It's not right. Also, why does she need to keep his number "to check in". This shouldn't even be the case, and it seems to me like she is not completely emotionally invested in you. You told her your concerns, yet this is still a problem. I would let her know how unacceptable her behavior has been still, and if she does love you...this guy won't be a problem again.

[ppjones]

thanks for the responses. problem is I have already laid down all of my cards if i say anything more it could be destructive, she may not be in contact with him now but the question is can I marry her? can i make that kind of commitment knowing she lied to me and how she felt about him. what would of happened if i had said nothing to her?

[tom0478]

If you just go ahead and marry her now, you'll always have that thought in the back of your head because this situation was never truly resolved. You are supposed to be able to trust your partner...especially in marriage. The fact that she was seeing this dude..and lied to you about the frequency just doesn't seem right to me. Of course you are the best person to judge the situation you are in. I always tell myself..if your gut is telling you that something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

[Tallgeese]

Listen to what your stomach tells you. It has proven right for me many times before.