Ok, need some serious help, long read.

[1337lizard]

So I started dating this girl awhile back and we dated for a little over a year before she broke things off. During that time we had fallen in love with each other and I found it unbearable to be without her company. So I made the moves, I worked hard to fix the issues that were cropping up, and I won her back. It took a lot of work and the price was steep. I thought it was worth it but now that I have her back, she's been a nightmare. I worked incredibly hard to get this girl back only to find that she's not acting like the woman I fell in love with.

Some quick background info, we're both in college and we're both juniors. I drove for hours to go pick her up after winter break ended and we ended up making out the day I picked her up, even though she had told me a couple days prior that she didn't want to get back together. Well we get back to school at the end of the day and all of a sudden she turns cold and walks out on me. This process where she's hot and cold repeats several times for the next three weeks with varying intensity and with extreme frequency. She tells me she loves me one day, and the next she says that she doesn't want to be my friend or see me...five hours later she texts me and tells me she wants to talk then officially gets back together with me.

So we're officially dating now and I've resolved most of my problems. I did a lot to make sure I could handle a relationship with this girl and unfortunately it looks like she's only out to sabotage it sometimes. She keeps saying that I don't listen to her and that I only wait until she's done talking so I can tell her how wrong she is and get all defensive. She accuses me of not listening and just talking at her. In reality, it's the exact opposite! Most of my problems that she took issue with before I have resolved. And I worked hard for it. I couldn't have done that if I hadn't been listening to her. So I not only listened to her, I took action. She on the other hand, has steadfastly ignored me. We'll be having a serious conversation and she will start texting in the middle of it. I've asked her not to do this several times as it's disrespectful.

In the middle of talking about how I apparently don't listen to her (and I was trying to tell her I felt like the opposite was happening) she interrupted several times. When I opened my mouth and started to interrupt her, she immediately snapped and went "I'm not done yet". I shut up and listened and let her finish then calmly pointed out what happened. How I was listening but she was interrupting me while I was trying to communicate. She immediately replied that having a conversation isn't just one person talking then the other person talking and I again pointed out that if that was the case then she shouldn't have snapped when I started to interrupt her. My frustration shows through my body language without me noticing and she gets mad at me, saying that I'm being disrespectful.

And when I'm trying to talk to her about something I'll ask her to come sit down and talk with me. She'll ignore me or tell me no and becomes condescending and demanding. When I point out that she's doing things that she has asked me not to do, she snaps back that I taught her to be this way. It doesn't seem to matter what I say, she's been acting monstrous and won't listen. We had scheduled some couples counseling but she just cancelled on me and said we should reschedule. I don't feel like I can make this last until we can get another counseling thing going so I'm posting this on here.

The thing is that I can't exactly say that I didn't teach her to act like that. I did act like that from time to time while we were dating, though it certainly wasn't constant like the way she's behaving. And it wasn't my normal attitude/behavior.

This relationship certainly has become unhealthy so I need some advice. Telling me to ditch the girl is probably what I'll hear from a few people, but I want to repair this relationship, not scratch it. But I need her to listen and I need some advice on how to do it. I can't just treat her how she treats me because then we'll most certainly break up. So...any suggestions?

[tufty]

It seems she doesnt take kindly to verbal criticism, so the next best thing is to write her a letter.

First line should be 'I am writing this down so that you can always look back on it and know how much i love you....' something like that - then the first paragraph should be all about the nice things about her.

second paragraph all about how badly you treated her in the past and how terrible you feel about it - and that you promise never to treat her that way again. Tell her you understand it might be difficult for her to trust that you have changed, and that you hope she will grant you the time it will take to prove it to her.

third paragraph - mention some of the things you mention above, do not mention them in a accusary fashion, write it in a casual way. No hardness.

final paragraph - repeat the positive feelings you have for her

sign off with love or ur usual salutation

[1337lizard]

I'll give that a shot. We've done the whole write each other letters thing before and it turned out horribly but we never wrote them in that kind of format. I think that could work. I'll give it a shot and let you know how it goes. Thank you!

[1337lizard]

lol well I'm in an interesting place right now. I didn't get to write her a letter because we were around each other all day but I did get to express myself for once. She was really hostile but I finally got her calmed down and listening. It was long and confusing so I'll jump to the conclusion.

She is currently out on a walk with a guy that I consider to be somewhat of a threat while she considers whether our relationship is going to live or die.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I shall soon move this thread over to the "broken heart" section and shed digital tears by tomorrow night.

[crispyysoup]

She is currently out on a walk with a guy that I consider to be somewhat of a threat while she considers whether our relationship is going to live or die.

o boy that sucks, and with the thought that for sure this guy will sabotage your relationship, be strong my friend...what ever happens, think positively

[1337lizard]

lol she spent the night at his house after telling me she went home. I'm pissed.