Hello all, I'd be grateful for your advice!

[irvy]

Hey all, I've been following this forum for a while...but today finally decided to sign up and ask for your advice!

I'll try to keep this as short as possible! I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years now. The past year or so has seen it go downhill somewhat; she has made new friends, and it seems that they have been a bad influence on her.
I am known to be a nice boy, would do anything for her...and everyone knows it. She is the type of person who takes things for granted, spoilt etc...and certainly takes the way I treat her for granted. The first few years of our relationship were great...we'd see eachother all of the time (about 3 times a week anyway), and speak on the phone every night. The past year has seen the amount of time we spend together decrease, she has a stressful job, so we see eachother probably once a week on average. She is always too tired to do anything, and gets home and just goes straight to bed. In fairness, I am totally understanding of that...but it does make me think...is a 2 min phone call to your boyfriend really that taxing? Now, I know that it is best to talk about things, I am a very open and honest person...if theres something bothering me I will try to talk about it. But she is the total opposite, if I ask to talk about something, she'll get in a hissy fit and say that I am just 'moaning'...as if I can't have an opinion on anything any more.

Last year, she split up with me in the summer. In fairness, I think that I was being too posessive, and I totally understand why she felt tied down. After 2 weeks she started missing me, and I took her back (a silly thing to do I know). I told her that I would totally change my ways, and give her all the freedom she wanted. So, I did change. I let her do whatever she wants, whenever she wants...I changed my ways because I love her. Now it seems, I have given her an inch, and she's taken a mile. There has been no give and take...she does what she wants but doesn't then respect that it is nice to give something back to me.

She isn't a very 'loving' person (by her own admission)...by this I mean that, she isn't very touchy/feely...does not initiate anything such as a hug or kiss...and is not very sexual at all (I am the total opposite, but again, I respect how she is). And because I'm the opposite, it does make me feel a bit down tbh. I have tried to talk about it, but I get the 'im moaning' response.

She always tells me that she loves me, and I have no doubt that she does love me. She just seems to have changed, we do love each other dearly...but something just does not feel right at the moment. Many people have said to try the 'treat her mean, keep her keen' approach...I have tried this before and it did work somewhat...but that is not the person that I am. I don't see why I should change to keep her interested.

I'd love to hear your opinions, and advice on how to recover this relationship. It's all very well to say 'dump the bitch' but it is very hard...I do want this to work...so any advice on how to take this forward would be fantastic.

Sorry if I rambled on....thanks in advance.

[vashti]

Have you considered that you may be trying to force a match where there really isn't one?

[irvy]

Thanks for the fast reply.

Yeah that has crossed my mind. It is my first proper long-term relationship (i.e more than a month or two) so I do sometimes feel that I just need to look around.

We are a typical 'opposites attact' couple I guess, when we are good we are amazing, but there are many times when we are just terrible. I really do try my best, it's just very hard work sometimes.