Depressed and confused

[confused2010]

I met a girl in August of last year. We spent a lot of time together from the start and things were going really well.

In early September this girl said that she was falling in love with me. Not knowing what to say, I just said, I felt the same way also. I dont know what love is, I think if i had to define it, it would be if you were faced with a decision that one of you had to die, you would face it to save them. I dont think I would have done this, but I really liked her.

She is the type of woman who has a lot of friends. She would introduce me to some of them bit by bit.

I am a quiet person by nature and only open up to people who I really know like best friends and family. During these stages I found it very difficult to concentrate on my work and barely did anything during the day besides thinking about her. My employers had enough of this and I was made redundant.

As time went by we went out alot to restaurants and places and I would eat way too much. I like boxing in my spare time and had a fight scheduled for December which I ended up pulling out of because I was so out of shape and 20lbs over the weight. I think this causes some resentment.

I guess our first problem occured when went to some music gig and she introduced me to some guy who she had told me used to massage her (nude)(why would she tell me this?). He seemed weird and when we were leaving he was singing behind me "you're mother is a whore". I turned round and said "whos mother is a whore?" and he just laughed. I am very relaxed usually but have two modes, extremely angry or relaxed. I didnt say anything or do anything but was very hurt. I even bought this guy a drink beforehand. Anyway, I explained this to her and she said she wouldnt see him anymore. He obviously likes her and was jealous. I am very sensitive.

She would often talk about her ex boyfriend which angered me alot. In a statement that i remember to this day she said

"I never thought it was possible to have sex with someone for 5 years and for it never to get boring. It got better towards the end....He was wonderful in so many other ways".

I just cant get that out of my head. She said this guy didnt love her and used to separate her from his family and friends, thats why they broke up.

She also met up with him quite early in our relationship, but only told me afterwards.

I have brought this up a lot and asked her why on earth she would think to tell me that, she just said it ws a stupid comment and asked me to forget it.

One night we were in bed and she said that if she was going to marry someone, it would be me, and I said if i was going ot get married in future it would be her.

She then went and told her best friend and a couple of others that were getting married. I was quite shocked but didnt say anything. She then said, "I cant believe you asked me to marry you".

I must be some kind of moron because I didnt say anything I just went along with it, bought her a ring and proposed to her after a candle lit meal.

Over the next few weeks she would make comments like

"marriage isnt important"
"if you went bald I wouldnt find you attractive"
"if you waxed I wouldnt like you"
"if you had different eyebrows I wouldnt find you attractive"

Over xmas time she left her laptop at my house and I was using it to download music. I had a look at her chat history on MSM and she actually met someone the same day she met me with the intention of having sex with them. So she went on a date with me, then with this other guy. I also found out that she did camming with someone (sexual nature) a week later.

I confronted her about this and she said it was just a phase and that she doesnt do it anymore and that she didnt have sex with the guy.

I also found out that she still speaks to that guy I met at the musci gig even though she promised she wouldnt.

It annoyed me because she would always talk about how special our first date was and then I found out she dated someone else the same day. She also came over to mine then next day.

It all came to a head one day, I tend to reflect on things and I let them build up in my head. I called her up and said I could not do this anymore and she went hysterical saying she couldnt go on and that she was going ot jump out the window of her building.

I drove over there frantically and took her back. The problems still existed however and a few weeks later I dumped her again over the phone (bad I know) and she was crying and got sent home from work.

I was determined to make a clean break but felt so nauseaus and needed to have her back. She was going to move into my house and I got all her stuff and took it back round there, but I said I wanted her back and we to back together.

She says the most ridiculous things sometimes, I just cant get that ex thing out of my head. Sometimes when we have sex she isnt that turned on and its hard. she says she is really attracted to me and everything but blamed it on other womens problems but I know this is BS.

I supposed everytime we have a problem in the bedroom I think of that sentence she said about her ex and how great in bed he was.

I dont know what it is, maybe some animalistic urge but i feel a need to kill him. I think maybe its territorial. I wouldnt do this though as I'm not stupid, I think only a man would understand this feeling.

In summary, I feel like I have lost my job, my passion in life and my sanity to this woman. I feel very depressed but I know that I cannot dump her again because I am just too weak in that regard.

I am completely depressed. I love her in some ways but in others I hate her.

I dont know what to do anymore, my life seems to have gone since I have met her.

I really think she has ruined my life because I cant live with her and I cant live without her, this truely is hell.

[girl68]

You're gf is just about as stupid as they come.

You have deep, personal issues that you should see some to get help for.

There are a number of extremely alarming facts in your post and I only read half.

[Bumble_bee]

..you need to practice some tough love....

[Doc Durian]

Well, if "just a phase" works for her, it should work for you.

Do whatever makes you happy and if she objects to it... call it a phase.

That'll either bring you together or seperate you for good.

[confused2010]

I suppose I just want to know if this type of behaviour is normal. I havent had that many long term girlfriends. I had one relationship of 4.5 years and that girl never said or did anything like this. I just dont know what to do, any help would be greatly appreciated.

I feel quite sick about the whole thing. It has given me quite dark and suicidal thoughts. I would never act on them but I have no clue what to do.

Thanks

[girl68]

No this is not normal at all. Girls who love their partners do not con them into asking her to marry him. Girls in love do you list out all the things you might do and say if you do I won't find you attractive. Girls in love do not play games with boys on the internet to get them to like them/ think she will have sex with them. Girls in love do not change their minds and stories a million times. Shall I continue or do you get it?

[Okay]

Love isn't meant to cause you this much pain..
Her negativity and unpredictable volatile words are harsh and no, not quite 'normal' behaviour.
You need to have a serious talk with her and if nothing changes, you need to find someone who is more suited to bringing you the thing you deserve - happiness.

[Doc Durian]

I suppose I just want to know if this type of behaviour is normal. I havent had that many long term girlfriends. I had one relationship of 4.5 years and that girl never said or did anything like this. I just dont know what to do, any help would be greatly appreciated.

I feel quite sick about the whole thing. It has given me quite dark and suicidal thoughts. I would never act on them but I have no clue what to do.

Thanks

My cousin attempted suicide not too long ago because he suffered a backbone break and neck break in under ten years apart, thus requiring narcotic pain killers which he eventually sold when he lost his university degree gained position, new home, and girlfriend in a very short period of time.

The conviction required him to report to jail for a number of days. No drugs were to be administered.(He has epileptic fits without...) He freaked, he slashed up, he still lived.

300 family members strong plus in our local pod and he was the first.


And I thought I was the black sheep for divorcing my unsuited and fail headed stubborn now ex-wife.

There's a first for everything under the sun.

So get over it.

If she ever cals you up again and says she wants to jump, tell her "is that what you really want....because I support anything you really want....I'm there for you".

Life is too short to spend on mock bridge junkees. Either they have intestinal fortitude, or they don't. Move on... well, mate.

[confused2010]

thanks for the replies.

In some ways I think she has a split personality. she is the sweetest person ever sometimes, but she can be quite different as well.

We have been on quite a few trips together which she arranged, but I found out she had been to all of these places already with this damn ex. Its like she is taking me places they've already been in some bizarre f*cking ritual.

When it comes to this type of thing I am so weak.

I just cant go on like this. I am not looking for sympathy or anything really, maybe its just a cathartic process posting these things.

I cannot dump her, I just wish we had never met

[Doc Durian]

Don't be a pussy. If she doesn't sit well with you overall, turf her.

Man up.

Don't give out the message of "I wish we never met, but we're committed to death" theme.... it's pathetic.

Man or mouse, make your mark.

[confused2010]

I agree it is pathetic, but its the way I am in these types of situations. I wish I could just say well **** you and be done with it. I tried that and it was way too painful to handle. I dont drink, I dont smoke, I am just left with the cold hard reality of what is going on.

[girl68]

So really you're not willing to help yourself. Any person who has the will to do good for themselves can do it. They have to man up and face the pain. You son, are just simply not up for the challange. You will live in this misery as long as YOU let it happen. Just a heads up women don't get more angelic as time goes on... especially girls like this... they get worse.