love or friendship? confused...

[joy&freedom]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to ask you about my situation. I have a friend who acts live a lover sometimes. As a matter of fact, he was the first to bring our friendship into such messed situation. He knows I love him much more than just a friend. Sometimes he seems to give me the same signals. But when I ask him directly about his feelings he seems not to know for sure. Once he'd say that he loves me, sometimes - that he loves me but not like a man loves a woman. When I ask him if we are just friends, he says that we are more than friends. He says I love and want him more than he loves me.

I wonder, what is he doing? Just playing with my feelings? My point is: if we are friends - act as a friend then, but if he loves me - act as a lover! And he just keeps on mixing these things together.

I tried twice to use a "no contact" rule with him - but each time he broke it and contacted me and I missed him so much that I just couln't resist talking to him.

I'd be vety grateful to you if you expressed your thoughts about my situation. Any advice for me? What should I do?

[sookie6]

Is there sex involved in your relationship?

[joy&freedom]

Well, we were close to it several times - we were drunk. But he says he is attracted to me... Completely confused and lost with him...

[sookie6]

Can you tell us more about you two.

I mean how old are you? have you had a relationship or sex in your life before...

[joy&freedom]

I'm 24, and it's my first real love. He's a mature guy. It started as a friendship several years ago, until he messed it up. I wanted it to be just friendship, but I think I loved him long before that. He seems to be at loss, he knows I'm deeply hurt by him, but he doesn't know what to do. I think he doesn't want any serious relationship with me. He doesn't call often - two times a week. I don't call him at all. I don't know what to do. I want some clearness. I wish I hadn't been so much in love with him...

[sookie6]

My 2 cents without knowing you.

The guy is mature enough to not lead you on like this. If he does he is not excactly great boyfriend material. You said he calls you a few times a week. What else does he do? I suspect he sees other women or have a gfriend you don't know about.
Because then why would he not be with you?

All and all, he is not good for you. He is causing confusion and sadness (you say you are in love but you are in love with the idea of being with him).

You need closure on this. Seat down with him. Ask him where he wants this to go. If he says he does not know or friendship then call it a day. Stop seeing him and taking his phone calls.

I know it's difficult but by thinking about him all the time you are closing the door on many potential good things happening to you.
Take care

[joy&freedom]

Thank you for your advice. I've talked to him about all that so many times - without any obvious result. We don't go out together, he says he's Ok with the idea not seeing me often. I guess... not seeing me at all - I haven't seen him for a month now - only phonecalls. I don't know about his girlfriends, but it seems to me he doesn't have one. I don't want to lose him completely, because he seems to be my soul mate, I mean we are (or were) really close friends telling each other the things we wouldn't tell anybody else. I wish I knew what's going on in his head...

[sookie6]

This seems like a one side relationship.

Let's see what others think of it...but to me this is not going anywhere...

Go and sail other waters! Be true to your nickname Joy and Freedom!