My Boyfriend/ex is an alcoholic

[JaCzi]

My ex and i broke up a week ago, I really loved him alot. We were together for two and a half years and lived together for two. At the start of our relationship he was perfect. He started drinking all the time and was a totally different person when he drank it got worse and worse untill eventually we were screaming at each other it got fairly violent aswell. We'd been kicked out of every single house we lived in because he was so loud and would yell every night when he got drunk. He drank every single night and would constantly abuse me. Dealing with other problems he had nerve damage he coulden't feel hes hand was suffering from depression and hes dad was very sick in hospital i dont know if these are good enough excuses. I was frustrated he started smoking weed ontop of the alcohol which just made him go absolutley nuts!. He'd verbally abuse me and sometimes it got physical. So one week ago we broke up. Since then he has been in hospital detoxing on valium etc. He has been calling me promising me he won't drink ever again and he regrets everything and hes not that type of person he never ment any of it and was having trouble dealing with everything in hes life. Since i've came back to my parents house i've felt alot happier and more motivated to do things. But i still feel like a piece of me is missing i care about him so much i dont know what to do.. ?? Forgive and try to move forward or start my own life and meet someone else.

[Bumble_bee]

I think it shows the loyalty in side of you that you would want to be a part of his recovery....however the reality is, that anyone who puts up with this kind of behaviour, almost advocates it. If you really want him to clean up his act, cut him off....not just a few weeks, but months, years if that's what it takes. You will just remind him of the days when he could get away with that shit. By leaving him to get on with his recovery, you will send him the message that a) abusing the people you care for-loses them in the end
b) that YOU won't sit back and watch him destroy himself.

sorry just doesn't cut it when it comes to addiction, acknowledgement of the problem, and detachment from the very things that give him security will give him a better chance at cleaning up then you can imagine.

best wishes

[Gigabitch]

I still have the letter my ex-husband wrote to me the first time he swore he'd clean up his act and start behaving like an adult.

I sure wish I hadn't taken him back. We were together for ten years, at least half of which was a complete and total waste of time.

If he's clean for a year and still wants you back, maybe give it a shot then. Before that, you're just going to get more of the same.

[AdminOnline]

Moved to 'love advice' forum..

[vashti]

You should know that professionally speaking, the goal of rehab is to prolong the length of time between relapses. Note, this does not mean CURE. The odds are high that he will be drinking again, and soon, and progressive alcoholism is very, very ugly. Save yourself and get out now.

[Illusional]

hahaha... well this sounds kinda like my problems, however, i am the alcoholic, but i don't wish to be with my ex..

besides that point, you're only looking at the better days of your life. when two people who have just broken up without the basis of cheating, it's only in due time, that either one or both people will wonder what if... what if we got back together.

i would honestly suggest that you take some time to yourself. let your ex see that he can handle not being able to drink and smoke weed. if he can handle this depression without you, and BE strong enough to emotionally support you without making up excuses and blaming all this shit on liquor, then he has changed. if he can't and turns back to drinking, then it's all lies.

raverboy

[Lulu]

I was in the same situation- only with mine for 12 years- had a child, got back together five years ago and he held on okay for four of them, occasional slip ups- but last spring he started to fall apart again and it was six months of hell from that point on- we moved three times, his step dad died, I had state boards to study for, he lost his job due to the economy, etc. and after I finally had enough and kicked him out- I found out a whole lot more, him stashing money for drugs/alcohol when we were broke, him checking out other girls all the time, lies lies and more lies...we are now in the "friend zone" but he is still deteriorating, and it sucks to see him like this. His mom is in denial after losing her husband, so eager to have her son around she let him live with her for a while and didn't believe me when I told her he is using again- said, "some people can just start and then stop again" like she was going to save him! Last night, I stopped by his new apartment unexpectedly with our niece that he hasn't seen in 9 months- and he had told me earlier he was planning to go to my sister's to visit her- well I guess he had changed his mind because he was REALLY messed up on something and looked horrible. It really surprised me since he said he was going to see her last night- but I guess he was planning to back out so he could lay around and be out of his mind all night. I was flooded with emotions- I am now scared for him, for our daughter, mad a him for not trying to get help- disgusted, glad that I got rid of him, miss him and feeling guilty because if he was still with me he wouldn't be so messed up right now. I just couldn't handle the crazy making- the abuse, the lack of trust, the void in his soul- I know that ultimately I will be better off without him. Get out now before you waste a decade and have children with him- that is horrible for them to have to go through. My daughter loves her dad, but it is like she is slowly realizing that he is not the man she always believed that he was, I don't think he is her hero anymore. My best advice for you is to get some books by Toby Rice Drews- they have really given me immense peace and understanding of the disease process. Take care.