Friend zone

[OhSuzy]

I just wanted to ask you girls a question. If you are interested in a girl who has a boyfriend, how can you keep her interested back without ruining what she has already? On top of that, is there a difference between being a girl's friend and being in the friend zone? I see it as this

Friend Zone: nice way of saying she's not interested in you romantically. She now sees you either as an ugly girl friend or like a second brother. This happens when you are too nice and move too fast at the same time.

Friend: You share the same friends, so naturally you meet each other as friends. However there could be possible romance in the future, you even may have a better chance over someone else as you already know each other.

Do I have this about right?

[VincenzoG91]

My friends call this Standard Vulture Position. It's really bad for your posture. Hopefully the kind ladies here can help you adopt a healthier stance.

[OhSuzy]

I don't really know what you're talking about. If you are implying I am hanging over them, waiting for the relationship to end so I can swoop in for the rebound, you've got me wrong. I don't want to break them up, but I also don't want to be some random guy friend when they inevitably do.

[TheWizard]

I can save you a lot of time on this one - you are being a vulture, just don't invest too much in it. I'd tell you not to vulture but that's pointless because you're already doing it and you know what you want to happen later on.

Eventually you'll have to talk to her about it one way or the other when a line gets crossed. You should see other girls, you don't know what you might be missing so if you want to keep her at arms length and hope for the best while you date other girls by all means. Just don't' spend 4 years waiting on some chick you don't know has feelings for you and you didn't' spend any of that time getting to know other girls.

[1337lizard]

Yeah dude, I'd have to agree with the vulture perspective. Kinda sucks when it happens to you. I'm pretty perceptive when it comes to the cues as to who likes who and it was really annoying for me while dating my last gf. Think of how you'd feel if you were the boyfriend.

[SirWagginston]

See, this is why I like this forum: I get to see things from the other side. I used to have a friend who was a vulture. I just didn't understand that at the time. He hooked up with my ex when we decided to take a break. Man, I hate that guy, now. We're not friends, anymore. It probably doesn't bother him too much, now that I think about it, though. I'll assume it also doesn't bother you and that any chastising will be pointless.

[OhSuzy]

While I agree, everyone's situation is different. I don't know too many girls, and of course I don't have my heart set on this one. I'm more the passive one in this case, I've come to terms with the fact that she has a boyfriend who she loves. I know that the best thing I can do is to pursue other women, but the pure fact is that I don't know that many right now. It's not like if I see a girl I like, I'm going to disregard her because there is another I really like that who is in a relationship.

It may seem like I'm being a so called vulture, but to me I'm just keeping my eyes open. I don't even try to initiate anything, but when she does I'm not going to ignore her. I've been in a similar scenario, and that line did get crossed, I learned my lesson.

Other than that, I still think the question could be better answered. Let's just assume that the first part isn't included, as this is a question that lots of guys want to ask. Is there a difference between being friends, and being in the "Friend Zone"

[TheWizard]

Other than that, I still think the question could be better answered. Let's just assume that the first part isn't included, as this is a question that lots of guys want to ask. Is there a difference between being friends, and being in the "Friend Zone"

Yes. One means you're another girlfriend. You get to go shopping, hear her complain about her boyfriend/life and otherwise become like her older brother. She will use the terms like "were the bestest of friends!" etc enough to make you take notice. If you're in the "Friend Zone" these are typical red flags. The only way you can be just a "friend" is if she has any kind of romantic interest in you from the start IMHO. In this scenario you'll both be wondering what the other one is thinking just enough to pique the curiosity and wonder "what if" etc.

Generally your gut will tell you what's up, I tend to trust that more than anything else nowadays because every situation, and every woman is different.

This is all male perspective of course.