Red flag?

[lastwish]

As some of you already know I am dating a guy right now. And I have dated him for about 5-6 months. Recently, he told me that before we became "official", he was in a open relationship with his friend (who is a girl). He told me, she is like his best friend. They still hang out on a regular basis. This thread is not about me getting insecure or jealous of their relation at all. I knew they are close and have dated before. It's no news to me. However, he also told me, he was sexing her before we became official. Which is a story change from what he told me before. He told me he was a virgin like a few months ago and how he wouldn't be any good at it because of it. I don't know whats up with the lying though. I don't care whether he is a virgin or not. In fact, if he wasn't I would be happy with it because he would be experienced which will makes things easier. This raises a red flag for me because he lied. He might have lied to cover up his relation with his friend while he dated me so he won't scare me away. Or, he is might have lied to cover something else. I dunno. But what do you guys think? Is this a red flag?

[QueenofCorona]

Did you ask when he told you they'd slept together why he wasn't honest with you from the get go? I would have. I suppose maybe he had to tell you on his own terms and didn't want you to dislike him still being friends with her if you had originally known they'd hooked up. Has he been dishonest about anything else that you know of?

[lastwish]

He wouldn't give me a straight answer when I asked why he wasn't honest with me in the first place. I think I will try to push it out of him later. He hasn't been dishonest about anything else that I know of.

[DoesntMatter]

He probably told you that so he would have an excuse for sucking in bed

[Sonrisa]

it's up to you if you want to date a liar if you can live with it.

[2confusedd]

I have actually been in a similar situation with my ex in the past.
She had asked me if I had had any previous girlfriends before her, and I had said no, but then about a week or so later I told her the truth that I had, but lied about it because I was afraid that she might not like me because of that.
But she said that she didn't mind, as long as I would tell the truth from now on.

But the case with your bf seems a little more serious, especially if he lied about sexual intercourse. I would say you can do the following: tell him you want to have a serious discussion with him about his lying to you. Tell him that you didn't appreciate him lying about it, but that you can forgive him for it IF he starts telling you the whole truth from now on on whatever he does. Don't let go until he gives you a straight answer. If he can't change for your sake, then tell him that it will be difficult to be together in the future. Afterall, you don't want to date someone you're constantly doubting, do you?

[shheadz]

He probably lied to cover up an insecurity. He probably does suck in the sack.. or he thinks he does. I wouldn't treat that like an outright lie.

[vashti]

I'd be more concerned that he continues to hang out with a girl he used to fcuk.

[lastwish]

Ok, so I called him and got it cleared out. He told me that before we were official and when we talked about sex, he wasn't lying that he was a virgin. But then after, he sexed that girl because we were still not official by then. Then, when we did became official, he stopped.

And, Vashi, should I still be concerned about him hanging out with that girl if he has introduced me as his girlfriend to all his friends, including her? He said, they get along very well and they are like best friends. What is the best way to handle this?

Btw, they didn't get into an exclusive relationship because she was planning to study abroad. But then that didn't go through. And, she is the loose kind of girl and doesn't like to be tied down.

[vashti]

I honestly don't know how you should handle it. I am stumped. I just know I wouldn't be comfortable, whether or not that is silly.

[Gigabitch]

Lying is ALWAYS a red flag. If he'll lie to you about that, he'll lie to you about other things too.

[lastwish]

Now, that I think about it. His story doesn't fit in the right time frames. I remember he talked about him being a virgin still after the date he told me he stopped sexing her.

[cmacattack1]

He really cooked up a nice little shitstorm for himself didn't he?

Things would be so much easier all around if we weren't worried about impressing the other person in the beginning and just being outright from the get go.

[IndiReloaded]

Listen to your gut, LW. If you think something is stinky about all this, you are probably right.

[1337lizard]

Very simple: he either lied about being a virgin or he cheated on you. Neither are good. Get more info out of him then decide based on that.