Do I deserve another chance?

[Regret 84]

About 6 years ago on a lad's holiday I cheated on my girlfriend with a prostitute. (we had been going out for 4mths) It's the worst thing I've ever done and I instantly regretted it. I came home and confessed to her and thankfully she forgave me and gave me another chance. I was so racked with guilt though that i convinced myself I had caught something and went to the clinic and got checked out but I was all clear. It was a terrible time for both of us though.
Things between us were great for the next 6 years, we moved in together, talked about getting married and I know she is the love of my life. Recently however I started to feel abit sore downstairs and those old feelings of guilt came back again- I began to think maybe they missed something the first time so I got tested again. It came back clear again but this forced us to relive those painful memories and my girlfriend told me she realised that hadn't forgiven me for what I did and left me.
Im absolutely devasted, the guilt and regret I'm feeling is eating me up inside.
Is it possible to get her back or do I even deserve to get her back?

[DarkNeko]

It took her six years of being happy with you to realize she hadn't forgiven you because you felt a little ache in your groin and did a complete 180 and left? I hope I don't sound like an asshole when I say this, but it almost sounds like she was looking for a reason to leave you...just something, and figured she could twist your pain to be some kind of latent venereal disease symptom, thus bringing back up your infidelity she allegedly forgave you for. This is just my opinion, so please take with a shaker of salt, but I wonder if maybe she is interested in someone else and didn't want to say "It's over" out of the blue, so she needed an excuse to run off.

I can't say for sure if it's possible to get her back. As far as you...yes, cheating with a prostitute isn't exactly great, but your girlfriend forgave you and then up and left six years later. She didn't even want to talk about it or go to couples counseling either? If she'd changed her mind about forgiveness a few months after finding out about the affair, it'd be more understandable. But six years later is a long time to wait to go, "Oh hey, I changed my mind about forgiving you. Buh-bye."

See if she's willing to talk to you about it if you really want her back.

[Lulu]

First- go get cleared by a physician, next- go to counseling on your own, finally- go after her and declare yourself an idiot (again) for continuing to rub salt in the wound instead of keeping your mouth shut and just getting checked out in the first place! Maybe she thinks you cheated again and are blaming the incident from 6 years ago for a newly surfaced VD??

[Regret 84]

Thanks for your replies.
She did ask me if i cheated again but i definetly didn't, I haven't even looked at another girl since. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her everything I kinda wish now that i'd keep my big mouth shut. I don't think that she's found someone else or anything I just think that waiting for the test results put a big strain on our relationship but I thought she had forgiven me and wouldn't unforgive me. I suppose i've never really forgiven myself so how can i expect her to forgive me.
I know i did a horrible thing but it has cost me everything. Its been 2 months now but she says she thinks she made the right decision and I should move on. I feel awful, she's the best thing that ever happened to me and it kills me to know that I've hurt her.
Shoud i give up and try to move on? Any suggestions as to how to get over the guilt i'm feeling?

[1337lizard]

Regret...move on man. To be honest, you screwed it up big time. I'm sorry but it sounds like there's more than just this under the surface. I agree DarkNeko. She was using that as an excuse or it was the final straw, but she's definitely not happy about more than one thing if she walked out on you for an old grievance that you were originally forgiven for.

And out of curiosity, how long exactly have these marriage talks been occurring?

[Regret 84]

I know i messed up, i don't know how i'm gonna get over this. Maybe i'm being naive but i thought our relationship was perfect apart from what I did. I thought she really loved me and she talked about getting married and having kids all the time. At the begining of November i said to her i didn't know what I was going to get her for christmas and she said "an engagement ring would be a lovely present" but by the end of November she had dumped me and moved out. I think she was so stressed she talked to her mum about what happened all those years ago and not surprisingly her mum must have told her to dump me. The pain i'm feeling is unbearable, if she had dumped me at the time i think i could have dealt with it but to do it now after we've been together for all this time kills me. I would never criticise her because i know it's all my fault but i just wish she had told me how she was feeling and I know I could have made her happy again. She never once mentioned splitting up but then out of the blue she dumped me and moved out without even a discussion. She just said that she didn't deal with her feelings from what I did all those years ago. It seems like she went from loving me to hating me almost over night and it's left me so confused. I love her so much and would do anything to undo what i did- do you think its possible that in time she'll be able to forgive me and take me back? i probably don't deserve her back after what i did though.

[1337lizard]

Well to be honest, it might have had something to do with how long you made her wait on top of raking up the muck of old wounds. How fed up with waiting for a ring after six years do you think she was? I wouldn't wait around for you, all things considered.

I'm sorry you're in such a bind, but to be honest, I think she's moving or has moved on. You should try to do the same.

[Gigabitch]

If you're not actively trying to get her back it looks to her like you don't give a shit. Has it really been three months since she moved out? What have you done since then?

[Regret 84]

I've tried everything to get her back. I wrote her a letter, sent emails, sent flowers but nothing has worked. It's been 2 months now and I don't think there's anything else I can do. I wish now I did ask her to marry me sooner but if we were engaged I don't know if things would have been different. She knew i was serious and we were saving up for a deposit to buy a house and once we bought a house we would get married. Looks like that not gonna happen now. I'm so ashamed of myself, i try to be a good person and I think that for the rest of our relationship I treated her like a princess but I'll always have this on my consciencious. Dealing with the guilt is harder than dealing with losing her. I can barely eat or sleep and I can't stop thinking about her. Hopefully things will get better with time, but the next few months are going to hard.

[girl68]

I don't think it's a matter of do you deserve. Because honestly you sound like a good guy who just screwed up (big time) but you know this. I think it's a matter of your gf not being able to get over the fact that you cheated. Some people just can't get past it no matter how sorry or remorseful you are. I think I'm one of them. I don't think I could ever look at the cheater the same way. I don't think I could love someone after they've been so tainted in my eyes. Perhaps she thought she could get over it but having to do it all over again was just too much.

Let her go. You deserve another chance but that doesn't mean you will get one. I'd say you've learnt your lesson keep your wallet and your dick in your pants next time.

[Regret 84]

Thanks for you replies
Its been over 3 months now and she hasn't come back- its still hurts like hell but I'm starting to see some light at the end of all this darkness.

I last emailed her about 3 weeks ago and told her that I had finally accepted it was over but hoped we couldn't still be friends but she didn't even reply. I still love her and would love to have her back but its like she's turned into different person almost over night. The past week or so I moved from feeling depressed and guilty to feeling abit pissed off. I mean I know ultimately its all my fault but if she couldn't forgive me for what i did all those years ago surely it would have been fairer on both of us if she had ended it then and there? Since then I’ve grown to love her more and more every day, we lived together for nearly 4 years, had so many brilliant times together, she became my best friend and my soul mate and we planned to buy a house, get married and have kids together. But to turn around 6 years later, after all we been through together, and say she hasn't forgiven me after all and because of what I did back then she never wants to see me again? Am I crazy or am I right in thinking that i've been abit hard done by? I mean if she had dumped me back then I would have been just losing my girlfriend of a few months and had to carry the regret for that, now I’ve lost so much more; the love of my life, my potential wife, kids, house and whole future. I'll have to live with this regret instead; I'll have to live with the fact that a moment of drunken stupidity 6 years ago cost me not just a girlfriend of a few months but absolutely everything. Do you think I'm justified in feeling abit pissed off? Or am I just trying to take the blame of myself to make things easier? They say anger is the final stage before acceptance so maybe this is a good thing?

[Regret 84]

sorry correction- "hoped we could still be friends" not couldn't

[Gigabitch]

It's a good thing, and it shows you're processing the loss. Unfortunately, she didn't process the cheating at the time and it just festered like a dirty wound all this time. She should have, but nobody's perfect (as you know) and there isn't really a manual for how to deal with these things.

I know you've learned your lesson and you'll never jeopardize a relationship like this again. Call it a lesson learned and look forward.