Attracting damaged women like a moth to a flame...

[Graham Berkeley]

I've always had a habit of attracting damaged, lonely and depressed women. I do not seek them out but they seem to pop up everywhere and get way to attached to me way to fast. Like literally even hanging on me on a first date... Ran into another one tonight on a blind double date so to speak.

I asked my boy I was with afterwords why he thought I seem to attract these women like a magnet and he said:

"You come off as Hyper Independent and Hyper confident. Damaged women love men like that"

I guess it was a compliment...

Any of you ladies think there is any validity to this?
If this is what damaged women are attracted too what are independent confident women attracted too?

[vashti]

I think there are just lots of damaged people out there. It's your job to weed through them.

[DarkNeko]

It makes sense...a weak woman wants a strong man to tell her what to do since she doesn't know how to herself. She's the kind of woman who will stay with a man who beats her because he is asserting authority over her. Just like how a weak man would be on the lookout for a strong woman...he'd be the kind of guy who'd get forced to be a stay-at-home pussy-whipped father while his wife maintained her highly-professional career. You can't have two strong people being together, or else there will be a power struggle. And two weaklings together will result in two nutjobs trying to get guidance from one another. Some guys are just whacko magnets, unfortunately. I do think there is validity in what's going on as far as your dating life, though...doesn't make it suck any less, but women who are screwed up in the head can just sense a confident, independent man from a mile away...especially if she's got a litter of children and she needs a wallet/meal ticket to sink her claws in.

[Supernova]

I agree with Vashti there are many damaged people out there. Is it possible that you are drawn to them? rather than saying you attract them? I know some people have a "christ complex" and want to fix them. I am not being insulting just asking. Because I used to have that in me, I would think "nice guy, wow he drinks a lot, I will help him" ... Red flag - it does not work. If you meet someone and they seem to needy or messed up, take it as a sign to exit stage left. Its a guaranteed heart ache.

[Rich]

Also, you might be attracting them because you dont want to be with them lol.
Because you dont care about getting with them, they try harder to get with you or to make you notice them.

Edit: just realised I posted advice in the 'ask a woman' thread lmao its down hill from here

[Graham Berkeley]

I am not attracted to these types of women in any way nore do I want to take any active role in "fixing" them. I am a confident independent guy and I want an equally confident and independent woman. I wonder what they are attracted too...

[Illusional]

well damages goods always attract damaged people. hahaha..j.k.

honestly though, have you ever thought that maybe it's your outward personality or appearance? if you're always, attracting these people then take a step back. i dunno if you're "only" attracting these sorts of people, but you might have to change something about yourself. your friends stated that it's your confidence and independence that is key. but maybe it's the places that you hang out, or the certain physical attractions that entice you that might have to change.

raverboy

[Graham Berkeley]

I don't know that I am only attracting them... I just assume so... Maybe those types of girls are the only out voiced ones. I don't know what I am putting out there. I am pretty damn good looking and very independent/confident. I don't really APPRAOCH women in the classic sense of pick up lines. I just kind of go in a direction and damaged girls seem to see me and corner me if that makes sense.

[Gigabitch]

I agree you're a freak magnet. Maybe you need to take a more active role in your dating.

[Chupacabras]

All women need a strong man, no matter what the movies and womyn say.

I believe your friends point is that your subconsciously negging them ie. being fairly dismissive of them so they try to prove their worth to you. I'm with Giga, take a more active role in dating.

[Illusional]

I agree you're a freak magnet. Maybe you need to take a more active role in your dating.

i agree, instead of "attracting" all these can't.. why don't you go on the prowl and do some picking up yourself.

raverboy

[VincenzoG91]

I used to definitely attract the damaged types. I've been told that I have a very nice voice that can sound quite soothing at times. And I used to go for some of the damaged types that were attracted to me, because some of them were attractive enough that I felt they would be out of my league if they weren't damaged. But I don't have the education and training to actually deal with their serious issues, so I was getting into shining knight issues and enabling behavior. I don't do that anymore.

[Dr.Veebs]

I agree with Vashti there are many damaged people out there. Is it possible that you are drawn to them? rather than saying you attract them? I know some people have a "christ complex" and want to fix them. I am not being insulting just asking. Because I used to have that in me, I would think "nice guy, wow he drinks a lot, I will help him" ... Red flag - it does not work. If you meet someone and they seem to needy or messed up, take it as a sign to exit stage left. Its a guaranteed heart ache.

Supernova is right. When someone goes towards the damaged man or woman, and feels compelled towards them, that person is 'maternal' or 'paternal'. They want to heal, they want to feel like they've done good. I know someone just like this. Actually if you look at it, you are being selfish. Because you want to feel good about 'helping' someone that is damaged, you are willing to get hurt and screwed over. I've told my friend this over and over, and she still gets with horrible men that take her sanity.

[LailaK]

If you don't want a damaged woman then say "No thanks" when you find one and move on. The end. Eventually you will find a woman you like and things will be good.

I seem to attract a disproportionate amount of guys who "like" me but aren't the monogamous kind. I used to wonder "Why can't I find a a guy who just wants a committed relationship?!" but then I realized that guy is out there, I just have to continue to say "No thanks" to the guys who aren't what I'm looking for.

[Lulu]

What IS "damaged"- I mean, I get that some are obviously too messed up (alcoholic, personality disorders, etc.) but maybe you are categorizing all these women without knowing them yet. I know- for me- that some men might see me as "damaged"- was with an alcoholic for 12 years, have a child.... but there is a heck of a lot more to me than that. Although it looks bad that I was with a moron for so long- but I'm also successful, loving, loyal, interesting, moral, compassionate, great mom, great in bed, fit, funny - and any guy would be so lucky to find me.... if he was able to put his judgement aside for a moment and get to know ME. I dated a guy recently that passed judgement WAY too soon- he freaked over the fact that I have a daughter, but it was good in a way because I realized that he must be stupid. We are all human- no one is perfect- flaws can become quirky and cute, even, if you give someone a chance and really get to know them. Maybe I'm way off- but maybe you are doing this?