My insecurity is threatening my otherwise amazing relationship....

[jessZ]

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch in terms of my self-esteem. I've had a few health issues in the last couple of months and been on and off the pill (which is torture for hormones) and have just generally been feeling blah, which is making me very insecure about my looks around my bf.

I am an otherwise confident person - I know I am smart, kind, sweet, generous and a great girlfriend, it is just my looks that I feel insecure about. I start thinking that I look tired or unwell around him, and then, foolishly, I start questioning whether he is really truly attracted to me. I feel so negative right now that that no matter what he says (he tells me he thinks I am sexy and gorgeous regularly) it doesn't seem to make any difference and I don't believe him... And recently I have actually started asking him whether he still thinks I am pretty, sexy etc. I absolutely hate being like this and I can see he is getting frustrated by my need for constant reassurance and the fact that when he gives it to me, I question his sincerity.

I really hate being like this and I don't want to jeapordise this relationship because things are wonderful with us in so many ways... he is incredibly supportive and understanding, smart, funny and fun, and the sex is amazing. I love him and I want to be the best person I can be for him, so any advice on overcoming insecurity would be very much appreciated. Thanks everyone :-)

[ctom18]

Short answer: Stop doing that.

It seems like this has everything to do with you and nothing to do with him or the relationship. Work on your self-esteem issues in whatever way is necessary, but don't project your self-esteem issues onto him. That will only ruin what you say is a great relationship.

[jessZ]

yes, thank you. I agree that it is about me and not the relationship. I guess I am looking for constructive ways of thinking/acting that will get me out of this rut.

[confused2010]

go for a run every day and you will feel great

[girl68]

I feel ya girl. Confused advice is crap. (Sorry dude). I work out everday and I feel great but it doens't do shit for my self esteem. And I have a wonderful bf who makes me feel like a queen. But I still have mega self esteem issues.

I have no advice but I do feel your pain.

[isay]

You're not alone. I have been feeling the same way lately. I try not to project it much bc I know no one wants to be around an insecure person. I keep it to myself most of the time. My bf is always telling me how beautiful I am etc etc...but I know I'm not getting any younger and there are many other more beautiful/younger girls he could be dating. I think it is superficial to think that they are with us only because of our looks....My bf is a good looking guy but there are many other better looking guys out there who I would never be attracted to because I love my boyfriend for everything he is, not just his looks. He could probably say the same thing about me. Don't focus on your looks so much- he likes you the way you are...

There are some "older/unattractive" people who are so confident and happy with themselves that you think of them as attractive people...a lot of it has to do with your attitude...On the other hand, you may see a very "attractive" person who loses all her attractiveness with her low self esteem/confidence.

[Akirah00]

I am also facing the same problems in my relationship. I have been with this man for about 4 years now. We got engaged on my birthday last year ans was to be married in June of this year. However, I have torn this relationship apart with my insecurity. My bf is very popular and comes across very well with the ladies. These ladies are often very attractive, and I feel I do not measure up to them . He has tried to assure me that they are only friends, and nothing else occurs between him and them. He as even gone to the extent of not talking on the phone when I am home, out of fear that I will start an arguement with him. My insecurities have caused me to push and push, and now he is extremely distant from me. We hardly talk, although he says he is trying to break from under the "angry shell" I have placed him under. His arguement is that he has made many sacrifices for me, yet I underappreciated them all. Sorry to say, I never ealized it until now, but for him it is too late!!!

I was on the path to having a great family foundation of my own. My insecurities have now taken them away from me!!!. I work at nights, and he works during the day. We dont have family here with us, so the care of our child depends on us. If we seperate, I would need to send my son home to my mother, (where he is right now). For my son to remain here, it means that we would be transporting him very late at night! (Not good for a young child).

I desperately want to get over these issues!!!! I want to be confident!!!!

[IndiReloaded]

So much crap out there about this topic. But here is a link to a reasonable article that you can think about. Good luck.

[url=http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence]How to Build Self Confidence - wikiHow[/url]

[starbuck]

There was something Vash said a little while ago in a completely different thread (I think it was one of girl68's) about not overly identifying yourself with your physical looks in order to help overcome insecurities about not feeling pretty or sexy enough for your bf. I thought it was good advice, and I wish I could find the post so I could link to it.

I'm sure you've got more to offer your bf than just a pretty face or sexy body. I would remind yourself that you are much more than that to him.