Is it true? :/

[Spaz1one1]

My ex left me a month ago.
I made the mistake of constantly calling/texting her.. And eventually I would stop for a few days..And this is when she would contact ME.

We would see eachother and everything would be perfect again, but at the end of the day when she went home, she would text me sweet things and I would be happy, but the next day she would sort of "forget" about me and try moving on.

Lately I see she's been talking to someone else in another city. She is 17, he is 21. Chances of it working out =slim to none.

I called her ysterday to ask her if she still wanted to work with what we have left. I asked her this meaning that we still act like we're together and still date and so on, but not officially. The reason I asked her this is because possible if I see her again, she can fall in love with me again just like all the other times we've seen eachother. Before asking her this, she also told me that she can never see herself with me again, because it wouldn't be the same and she wouldnt wanna go through this all over again. But the feelings for me are still there, she showed it within the last few weeks and at times even told me that she still wanted to get back with me but "couldn't".

My question is, do you think she really means she will never be able to be with me again? Or is this what people sometimes say?
Maybe she thinks she's fine because she has that one guy in the other city (She calls him, texts him all the time. Shes infatuated.)

EDIT: Btw, we were together for 3 years and 2 months and our love was EXTREMELY strong. The reason she left me was because I basically took her for granted. I stopped trying as hard, and I would stop caring. She told me numerous times to change and I always said I would but never did... So she got fed up with it and left. And at first, she wanted me back but I guess I just pushed her further and further away by bugging her and acting desperate. But I'm afraid its too late now, because of the things she told me I really want this to work, I don't care how long it takes.. But her feelings are DEFINITELY still there for me.

[hoggy522]

Your story sounds exactly the same as mine mate.
Im in the same confusion as you, yet people say its best to not have any contact with your ex until you move on, i feel they are right but i do want my ex in my life as i am hoping that later on in life we could maybe go back.
I did the same mistake as you and constantly text her and phoned her, i was in a mess and was begging for her to return to me, this was a mistake as i feel that drives your ex further away, i still cant control my feelings around her and i get angry with her and start the whole scenario again.
Your ex has said she 'couldnt' go back to you, ive heard that like a gizillion times by my ex, i cant believe how similar your ex is acting with you the way my ex is acting to me.
I know i cant give advice as i am just as confused as you, BUT in my situation i feel and have been told by people on here that she is playing a game with me, you dont think she is just keeping you onside incase things fall through with this other guy you mentioned?
You see my ex is infactuated with an American and he is coming over end of february, whatever you do mate do NOT say that you think she is infactuated with this new guy if you start saying things like that to her you will push her further, ive done that and its not pretty at all.

I dont know what advice to give, just make sure she isn't playing with your feelings like my ex has done, if she has said she cant go back to you then she probably means it for the time being, would you ever consider staying her friend? Thats what i am doing with my ex, probably just trying to hold on to the fact that she may return to me, i guess hope is all ive got.

I'd say no contact is best, although i cannot do that myself so i wont say do that.

Im interested to see other peoples responses. Whatever you decide, Good Luck!!!!

[Spaz1one1]

Thanks for the advice, and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one going through a situation like this.

And to tell you the truth, sometimes I do think she's keeping me as a Plan B, just incase things fall apart for her and she has no other choice.

I honestly think NC would be best. It gives her time to miss you. Think about it, neither of us two have given our ex's the "space" needed for them to actually MISS us.

She said she's fine with being friends, but I'm not really ready to be friends, at least not right now. My feelings are stronger than ever for her and if I become friends with her it'll just hurt me more and end up pushing her farther away.
I might see her this weekend, and if I do, I'm gonna give her the time of her life. The good part is, everytime she sees me, her feelings come back and she gets confused again. This is what I want. I want her to be confused, because atleast it gives me more of a chance to get her back. After I see her and IF all things go well, I will start the NC. And only time can tell from there.. But theres really nothing else I can do.

[Spaz1one1]

Get another girl and keep your door open. Yur girl is still very young and she needs to explore, allow her now and give her the freedom she desire. By the time you get new people around you will discover that there are better girls aound also.

Good Good Good..
Thanks!
But do I be her friend? Or do you think I should NC first?

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, you have to do no contact right now.

And yes, you are the plan B right now. With you constantly talking to her and trying to tug her back into a broken relationship, she's just going to pull away. She's doing all these nice things and saying all these sweet things because she wants you to catch her when she falls, when this other relationship she has fizzles out. Don't be that cushion.

It's feeding her ego by contacting her and it's also reaffirming that her decision to leave you was right. All the desparation on your part is portraying this constant need, and neediness is not attractive as we all know. I know you feel guilty and feel like this is your fault for getting too satisfied and comfortable. It's a common mistake, I was guilty of it as well. It took me really losing my girlfriend and a few months on my own to really become a whole new person, to get my priorities in line and so on. Falling off the face of the earth to her right now and being away for some time is the only way that you can really "change" in her eyes. And it will cause her to miss you, if she still has feelings for you. If she contacts you, I think you should flip this upside down and tell her that YOU need space and that she should respect that.

Is it possible she will find somebody else? Yes. Is is possible that another person can replace you? Yes. Is it likely? No. Do not be afraid because if it doesn't ultimately work out with her, it will with somebody else. Don't try and drag her back into your old broken relationship, take some time out for you and work on yourself and than maybe if it works out you guys can try and start something new in the future. Right now it's too soon.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah, you have to do no contact right now.

And yes, you are the plan B right now. With you constantly talking to her and trying to tug her back into a broken relationship, she's just going to pull away. She's doing all these nice things and saying all these sweet things because she wants you to catch her when she falls, when this other relationship she has fizzles out. Don't be that cushion.

It's feeding her ego by contacting her and it's also reaffirming that her decision to leave you was right. All the desparation on your part is portraying this constant need, and neediness is not attractive as we all know. I know you feel guilty and feel like this is your fault for getting too satisfied and comfortable. It's a common mistake, I was guilty of it as well. It took me really losing my girlfriend and a few months on my own to really become a whole new person, to get my priorities in line and so on. Falling off the face of the earth to her right now and being away for some time is the only way that you can really "change" in her eyes. And it will cause her to miss you, if she still has feelings for you. If she contacts you, I think you should flip this upside down and tell her that YOU need space and that she should respect that.

Is it possible she will find somebody else? Yes. Is is possible that another person can replace you? Yes. Is it likely? No. Do not be afraid because if it doesn't ultimately work out with her, it will with somebody else. Don't try and drag her back into your old broken relationship, take some time out for you and work on yourself and than maybe if it works out you guys can try and start something new in the future. Right now it's too soon.

You're so right..
But we have plans to see eachother on Friday/Saturday.
I was thinking.. of course I can just cancel the plans and go NC. But wouldnt it be better if we did go out ? If when we go out, I act laid back, cool, be the person she desires, be extremely attractive, no neediness, no desperation, no talking about the relationship. Just strictly giving her reasons to want me back.
This way, I together would be more attractive in her eyes, AND then I'll start the NC. It'll give her a little more to want than if I go NC right now.. It'll also be extremely unexpected in her eyes.

[cmacattack1]

It all depends on what YOU want and how YOU feel. If this is tearing you up inside, she's going to know no matter how cool and laid back you appear. And I don't want you to get your hopes up with a fun night if she's just going to go back home and talk to this guy. I don't understand why you do have plans considering she dumped you. Anyway, she's getting the best of both worlds right now, getting to go out with you and getting to talk to this guy with no guilt or remorse.

We cannot help how we feel and there isn't anything you can do or say to change that. I know you feel the need to want to prove yourself to her, but you don't have anything to prove. She knows who you are and she knows what she likes about you. You don't need to remind her. You have to give her time on her own to really figure out how she feels about you and I know it doesn't seem like she will but if she still has feelings, she will contact you in the future.

[Spaz1one1]

Idk I'd just rather give her a last memory of the good parts of me I guess. All she's thinking right now is how annoying i've been to her. And if I do see her, I'll be fine. I accepted the break up already and know that there is no way possible to fix it. If we were to get back together, it would be in the future and it would be a whole new relationship. I understand there are better girls out there and that with or w/o her, I'll find happiness. Yes, she will most likely go home after our date and talk to this guy. But once i go NC, all she will think about is probably the last time we spent together, and how much she truely loves me.. Eventually this relationship with the guy and her will die out. THey live in different cities, and her parents will NEVER approve of him. Trust me, I know.
But I just wanna give her a good time and I guess your right. I do wanna prove myself to her. And that's all... I will cut it from there no matter how much it hurts inside. Cuz after the date, there is nothing humanly possible that I can do besides the NC.

EDIT: No matter if she will go that night and talk to that one guy, she will always be thinking of me. She said she misses me alot and thinks of me from time to time. Its obvious her feelings are still there for her and perhaps this is just a strict decision she's following.

Think of it, if we go out this weekend, and have a great time (which we will), you know, alot of laughing, perhaps some flirting, alot of cute things that I know will atleast work for the moment, she will overall have a great day. Once the NC begins, she'll feel more of an empty feeling than if I don't see her at all.

[cmacattack1]

Just reminding you that no contact is not a trick to get her to think about you and miss you. Yes it can have that effect, but it's ultimately for you. For getting your life back on track without her. She may not feel completely gone to you yet, but when and if she ever does, it will be a pretty big shock. And then you will need whatever you can get your hands on to get your life on track.

She will think what she wants to think about and she will feel how she will feel and there isn't really much you can do about it. You do not just forget about 3 years. And when her other thing fizzles out, she'll be thinking about you more and what you guys had will be better in comparison. The best thing you can do is really nothing. The hurt from everything you done before is still sitting up there though and only time can really heal that. The hurt will go away but the good memories will remain.

I understand that you want to show her a good time and leave her with some good memories. But will it stop there? When you have such high expectations, it never happens like you want it to. The sooner you go into the NC, the better you both will be off.

[Spaz1one1]

It will stop there..
I don't have high expectations. I just want to give it that shot so I can go into NC and feel like I've done all I can and start the healing process. The more you expect, the more you get disappointed. I just want this last time to see her and for the both of us to have a fun time together. It'll hurt so much that night, knowing that that's when the NC will start. But I understand this is the only way to move forward. The only way to heal, and the only way to possible have her back as well. It is the only option for many different reasons..

[hoggy522]

Thanks for the advice, and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one going through a situation like this.

And to tell you the truth, sometimes I do think she's keeping me as a Plan B, just incase things fall apart for her and she has no other choice.

I honestly think NC would be best. It gives her time to miss you. Think about it, neither of us two have given our ex's the "space" needed for them to actually MISS us.

She said she's fine with being friends, but I'm not really ready to be friends, at least not right now. My feelings are stronger than ever for her and if I become friends with her it'll just hurt me more and end up pushing her farther away.
I might see her this weekend, and if I do, I'm gonna give her the time of her life. The good part is, everytime she sees me, her feelings come back and she gets confused again. This is what I want. I want her to be confused, because atleast it gives me more of a chance to get her back. After I see her and IF all things go well, I will start the NC. And only time can tell from there.. But theres really nothing else I can do.

I know exactly what your saying!!! Other night on MSN my ex said to me that she cant express her feelings properly to this other guy when im around and so i said 'Is it cos you still love me and have feelings for me' and she just put yes. Im in the same boat as you and until this American flys over end of this month i do want to make the most of the time ive got and show her a really good time like you plan to do, but you see people always advise that i just keep my distance and make her miss me but i feel like i have screwed up everything with how i was begging for her.
Today she txt me also saying 'Im sorry i hurt you. I know it seems like im playing games with you, but im not meaning to ' - perhaps she is starting to see her mistake of messing me around.

Oh and i understand how you feel when you say 'My feelings are stronger than ever for her' - i feel totally the same.

All i can say is if you do decide to be friends later on then just make sure you've had time to heal first, i know i need time to heal im wishing i did the no contact right from the words 'I dont want to be with you no more'.

Good Luck.

[Spaz1one1]

I hope for the best for you as well Hoggy.
Ugh.. Idk what to do anymore..
I feel like I should do what I said, or maybe I should just start being her friend now and just maybe it'll be one day.

[cmacattack1]

If you want to be more than friends, don't settle for friends. You need to just be away from the situation for some time and really get your stuff together and your priorities in line while letting the healing happen. I'm sure talking to her and going out with her is just keeping you stuck in this rut right now. It's scary but it's necessary if you want to change yourself for you and not just for her. And then we will see how you feel then.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah I guess..
And perhaps she does need space anyway, I havn't even given her the opportunity to miss me at all..
The only thing that hurts the most is that she said she could never see us together again..

[cmacattack1]

If that's how she feels right now, that's how she feels and nothing you can do will really change her mind. This should be enough proof that you have to be away from her.

People do change their mind and feelings do change all the time. It has to happen on it's own, not with you poking or prodding at it. That's how you know it's genuine.

I understand the fear and hurt and uncertainty you are going through right now. This relationship is unique and no other person can replace her. However, there will be another person out there that you can be happy with and have a fresh start with. And the growing you have done and what you learned from this will only improve you for the next relationship. There isn't much else you can do and you've done everything you can for the time being. If she decides in the future to contact you, you will have to take it from there. Waiting around and letting the opportunities pass you by will not get you anywhere though.