Should I allow my girlfriend to meet her ex in this situation

[4dvz]

Hey.

In Last week all of the sudden my girlfriend`s ex send her a message saying that he attempted to commit a suicide (but obviously failed).
Before that, my girlfriend has hated her really much. And now, she behind my back without asking me how I feel about it, agreed to meet with him.

I am just so angry and don`t know what to do.. Let me give you a little background info.
Her ex just broke up with his current girl, has sent my girlfriend text messages around 7-8 months ago where he reveals that he misses her, and I have all the reasons to believe he still does.

My girlfriend now thinks she`s under some commitment to meet her ex, because she can`t refuse due to the fact that he tried to kill himself and now wants to "clear his past". Total bs.. I already know that he`s just going to "remember the good times", and is using the attempted suicide for excuse, from which there is not even any evidence.

We have been together for 1,5 years and live in the same apartment, we are doing fine and have no greater issues except that I feel she`s not giving me the respect I deserve.
I have told her my opinion about the whole thing that I don`t want her to meet the ex but she doesn`t listen and sends me the message that it`s not my business and she is going to meet the ex no matter what I say.

What should I do? I don`t thing I`m in any obligation to just watch some low-life ex of my girlfriend tries to get sympathy from his unsuccesful life. But I have problems convincing my girlfriend not to meet her ex.. Help me out?

[vashti]

I absolutely agree that your girlfriend is being manipulated by the guy, but it doesn't sound like she is receptive to the idea of discussing it. I don't see what options you have unless you want to get rid of her over it. Maybe you should tell her you'd like to go along to offer him some moral support?

I hate people who pull the suicide attempt out of their pocket to gain sympathy. Being the bitch I am, I would just have told him how to do it correctly.

[Gigabitch]

Unfortunately, you probably can't stop your girlfriend from engaging in this guy's emotional blackmail. I think the best you can do is tell her that you're not willing to wait around forever for her to stow her baggage.

[4dvz]

It seems so, that I can`t stop her. Actually now that I have tried to do so, my girlfriend is actually making me the bad guy here, who lacks understanding.
Altough it might be a bad thing to say, if her ex genuinely attempted suicide, I wish he had done it with success.

I can`t work, I can`t do anything, this is just ripping me apart for two reasons.
1: My gf doesn`t even concider my feelings here, she just says that this is none of my business, and it just hurts because she is actually mad at me because I`m trying to stop her.
2: She`s going to meet her ex and give him the sympathy he`s practically begging for. I mean, why did she tell my gf about the suicide-attempt in the first place?

I feel so helpless here. I can`t just go and finish the ex off altough I would love to do it.. I can`t stop my girlfriend nor even make her understand that this is a nightmare for me.

She has done all kinds of things where she doesn`t care about my feelings at all, but this is in my perspective the worst thing so far. I just keep asking myself how can she sympathize this loser, and ignore me, her boyfried.

[NewToLove]

It seems so, that I can`t stop her. Actually now that I have tried to do so, my girlfriend is actually making me the bad guy here, who lacks understanding.
Altough it might be a bad thing to say, if her ex genuinely attempted suicide, I wish he had done it with success.

I can`t work, I can`t do anything, this is just ripping me apart for two reasons.
1: My gf doesn`t even concider my feelings here, she just says that this is none of my business, and it just hurts because she is actually mad at me because I`m trying to stop her.
2: She`s going to meet her ex and give him the sympathy he`s practically begging for. I mean, why did she tell my gf about the suicide-attempt in the first place?

I feel so helpless here. I can`t just go and finish the ex off altough I would love to do it.. I can`t stop my girlfriend nor even make her understand that this is a nightmare for me.

She has done all kinds of things where she doesn`t care about my feelings at all, but this is in my perspective the worst thing so far. I just keep asking myself how can she sympathize this loser, and ignore me, her boyfried.

HOLY CRAP SOUNDS LIKE MY EX GIRLFRIEND I JUST BROKE UP 15 MINUTES AGO...

Dude you're in a far worse position than I am, but I feel your pain, even if it's less than half, it must hurt real bad.. What you need to do is be FAIR, BE FAIR. If she doesn't give you respect, don't give her yours, if she doesn't listen to your reason, you shouldn't either

WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND, KARMA'S A BITCH AND SO IS SHE. (and my ex, we're on a so-called "break")

[Lite]

So if it has you so pissed off, confront her about it and then break up with her. That way you can feel vindicated, she can go stroke his ego, and you can find someone that doesn't do things behind your back after you get over the ego trip.

Were I in your shoes I'd ask myself what's wrong with my relationship in that my girlfriend cannot come talk to me about such things openly, tell me what she plans to do, and why don't I trust her?

[Lite]

Oh, and you have absolutely no control over whether she is allowed to see him or not. You can set consequences for the relationship, but you can't actually stop her from doing what she wants.

[4dvz]

Sorry about your break up NewToLove, and here the question is, what is fair and what is not and towards who that actually matters.

Lite: If I saw breaking up with my girlfriend as an option, this would be easy. But I don`t want to, all of my friends keep telling me that I should because of the constant crap that I have to deal with.. But she is my everything really, altough she often (like in this situation) treats me like air, I would still do anything for her.

She says that the reason why she didn`t tell me before she agreed to it, was that she knew my opinion already, it`s not an excuse, it just makes it worse because she didn`t even want to give me a chance to have a word about it.
And she keeps telling me that I`m "immature" because I`m making a big deal out of this, and I need to grow up.
Seriously, I just can`t believe this.. My gf is going to meet her ex like this and I need to grow up in order to approve it? Does this make any sense?

All of my life I have been forced to wonder how can somebody treat someone that he supposedly loves, this way. In every relationship, I have been forced to wonder the same question. And I haven`t found any answers.

I`m 100% honest when I say this: I have never done anything to offend any of my girlfriends. I have never met any other girls during the times I have been in a relationship, I have never done anything that my girlfriend wouldn`t like. And you know, I have treated my current girlfriend like a freaking princess.. If she was even in need of anything, I would even leave the house in the middle of the night to make her happy. And this is my reward.

[4dvz]

Oh, and you have absolutely no control over whether she is allowed to see him or not. You can set consequences for the relationship, but you can't actually stop her from doing what she wants.

Yes I acknowledge that she is free to do what she wants. But when you are in a relationship, you are not supposed to meet your ex companions.
There are certain things that you just can`t do, it`s called commitment. Im getting the same feeling in my situation as if my girlfriend was cheating on me, it`s not the same thing but close enough.

[vashti]

You sound like her doormat. That's why you get treated like one... you have never set down appropriate boundaries, and so she doesn't take your feelings into consideration.

[Gigabitch]

Lite: If I saw breaking up with my girlfriend as an option, this would be easy. But I don`t want to, all of my friends keep telling me that I should because of the constant crap that I have to deal with.. But she is my everything really, altough she often (like in this situation) treats me like air, I would still do anything for her.

Then you deserve to be treated like this.

[VincenzoG91]

And you know, I have treated my current girlfriend like a freaking princess.. If she was even in need of anything, I would even leave the house in the middle of the night to make her happy. And this is my reward.

She is treating you like a peasant. What if she needs you to leave the house in the middle of the night so that she and her ex can use the bed? Would that make you happy? The way she is handling this situation makes it clear that she doesn't value the relationship, and that she is easily manipulated by the ex. Since she obviously doesn't give a damn about your feelings, you need to take care of yourself. I seriously recommend dumping her, because that will be easier to live with than waiting until she drops you because the other guy supposedly can't live without her.

Alternatively, you can play the same sick game. Threaten to kill yourself so that you can guilt-trip her into ignoring the ex. Then the situation could become a dangerous game of chicken, to see who can come closer to death without actually dying, you or the ex. I think that would be an incredibly stupid course of action for you, and that the alternative of dumping her now would be much more sensible.

Let's face it, you came here to get a different answer than the obvious one you are hearing from your friends, who see the situation much more clearly than anybody at this site can. But your friends are your friends, so they are probably giving you the best advice they can, which is to dump her. Listen to your friends.

[Illusional]

personally i think that the ex is making a cry of bullshit. he just wants attention. if your girl gives in this time, then she'll give it all the time and he'll know that he has the upper hand. i wouldn't agree to it. however, you should be strong for your girl and support her emotionally.

side note, if this ex really wanted to commit suicide, he would've done it. most times, when people fail at a suicide, it means that they are full of shit and just want attention.

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

side note, if this ex really wanted to commit suicide, he would've done it. most times, when people fail at a suicide, it means that they are full of shit and just want attention.

raverboy

That's so true! I've known several people who've committed suicide and NONE of them warned anybody before doing it. Not one.

[Illusional]

^^^^ i forget where i have seen this, but it was on some documentary. however, when people boast and "act" like they want to die, it's only a cry for attention. when people really want to die, they don't want anyone stopping them so they try to keep it in secret.

raverboy