A problem

[rekx]

Hi.

I'm 22 years old and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years. She is my first serious girlfriend. She doesn't live in the same town as I do, but we go to the same school. In the start I was worried how the distance between us would function. We see each other for 2-3 times a week and rarely have sex (1/month) and we've become emotionally very close. She has changed as a person since I got to know her. She is very shy and has very few friends and I'm outgoing. She likes to stay at home, I like to go out. She has big expectations and probably wants to get engaged, and I'm not sure if she's the one. I don't know if I want to break up, and if I would want to do that it would be really hard, because I still have emotions towards her, and not a single 'valid' reason to do that.
Advice is welcome!

[abelee]

The thing that every girl needs more than anything is security. That's why she wants to get engaged. It sounds to me like you're in 2 minds about her. You like her a lot but you're not sure if she's the one and therefore you are not willing to commit. Being an outgoing outdoors type of a person, you probably have more friends of the opposite sex than she does. This might mean that you have other possible 'choices' of who you want to spend your life with (I'm not implying that you're flirting with other girls) and this makes it even harder to decide if your gf is the one for you at present.

So understand your gf's need for security and ask yourself if you are willing to give her the security that she wants. If you are, then do not break up but instead, commit yourself exclusively to her (whether you get engaged or not). If you are not able to give her the security she needs, then you may want to consider just being friends for now instead of a couple (as in bf and gf). It might break her heart if you say you want to break up with her after 2 years, but if you feel you cannot commit yourself wholly to her, then it's better to end the relationship now and remain good friends than to drag it on and end it later.

[Peter Pry]

...if I would want to do that it would be really hard, because I still have emotions towards her, and not a single 'valid' reason to do that.
Advice is welcome!

That is why the song says, "breaking up is hard to do," and not "breaking up is so much fun."

If you come to know that she's not the one, then you must break up with her, or at least tell her so that she has the option of staying with you casually for fun. Otherwise, you are cruelly leading her on and wasting her time. Not being in love is pretty much the only valid reason to exit a relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

Ewww. Well, staying with someone b/c there's no good reason to breakup isn't exactly a standalone reason to stay together, is it?

Otherwise, you could just as well pick any random person you feel neutral about and date them too, right?