Should I call?!

[TulipLove]

Hey ya'll! I'm new and I need some male input.

First--I just finished typing this extremely long post a few moments ago, and it disappeared, so I'm going to give you the clif notes version. If you need questions answered, then let me know and I'll fill in the blanks.

My SO and I had an argument nearly a week ago and we haven't spoken since. He hurt me by his actions, and I let him know.
Normally after an argument, I'm the one to always break the ice because he is very stubborn and will not make the first move.

I am always the one to break the ice in some form or another, phone call, im, texting, or email because I hate fighting with him and I don't like to hold grudges or be mad for long periods of time.

Anyway, should I contact him and try to get past this situation so we can move on? Also, if I haven't heard from him by Valentine's Day should I send him an e-card just to let him know that I love him?


I have my big girl panties on today, so just give it to me straight. I can take it!
So what say you?

[TulipLove]

Bumping.........

[cmacattack1]

What was the fight about? Was it something serious or something stupid? Are you just trying to sweep it under the rug? How can you go weeks without talking to each other?

[TulipLove]

What was the fight about? Was it something serious or something stupid? Are you just trying to sweep it under the rug? How can you go weeks without talking to each other?

The fight:
I had been sick for a few days and did not go to work. He was calling to check on me on like day 3 of my sickness and asked me why I was home. I answered--"why not?' with a little laugh, then he got upset. He says that I was being smart, when actually I was laughing that he would ask me that question because I still wasn't feeling better. So, anyway, he got mad and all swole because he felt that I was being smart with him.

Just a little background, he gets easily annoyed sometimes when he thinks I'm catching an attitude with him, and when he is annoyed, then he stays annoyed/mad for awhile.

So after that, he just clammed up and stopped talking. I knew this was coming, because he always does that. That irritates me, so I always start asking him 50 questions just to keep him talking and the lines of communication open. So after a minute I got sick of his one word answers and just shut the hell up.

Well, during our 5 minutes or so of silence he received a phone call on another line. Well MOST TIMES when he has another call, he puts me on hold--which is what I prefer. Well, this time he decided to go ahead and take the call.
Well he chatted on the other line with ME still on the first line waiting for him to get off. Once he got off, and told him that it was extremely rude and basically called him to the carpet about it. Also during the conversation he said something that I didn't like, and I told him that it hurt me. I also told him I'd wish he quit baiting me, by doing that. (taking calls while I'm on the other line). He basically brushes it off and tells me that I'm 'giving myself way too much credit' as far as him even attempting to bait me or what not.

Well, we fussed back and forth for awhile, then we got off the phone. I did reiterate that he hurt me, however he did not apologize.

Like I said in my first post, he is notorious for being stubborn and will not take the first step in attempting to communicate until he feels ready to do so. We have never gone more than one week without talking, mainly because most times I take the initiative and make the first move--but tomorrow will be a week with no communication. I'm not sure what to do.

But I do know that I'm sick and tired of being the first one to make up after a fight. I don't want to sweep things under the rug though. If this has to run it's course, then so be it.

[cmacattack1]

His stubborness is definately not helping this situation. And his quickness to annoy sounds like he has run out of patience with you. I mean those weren't who he was when you first started seeing him right? I know we all want to accept people as they are, but if those things are really getting on your nerves, the longer you tolerate them, the more resentment and upset you are going to be.

Somebody that clams up at one whiff of an argument is somebody that doesn't really want to deal with their problems. And that he wants to go weeks without contact just confirms that. I was like that and I'm telling you that him shutting down on you and withholding emotion is emotional abuse. And he doesn't want to fix things based on you having to sweep it under the rug and contact him to just keep this going.

This relationship is not healthy. I hope you understand this. I think some time apart and away from each other is what you guys both need right now to get yourself on track and break out of this cycle of bad behavior.

[TulipLove]

His stubborness is definately not helping this situation. And his quickness to annoy sounds like he has run out of patience with you. I mean those weren't who he was when you first started seeing him right? I know we all want to accept people as they are, but if those things are really getting on your nerves, the longer you tolerate them, the more resentment and upset you are going to be.

Somebody that clams up at one whiff of an argument is somebody that doesn't really want to deal with their problems. And that he wants to go weeks without contact just confirms that. I was like that and I'm telling you that him shutting down on you and withholding emotion is emotional abuse. And he doesn't want to fix things based on you having to sweep it under the rug and contact him to just keep this going.

This relationship is not healthy. I hope you understand this. I think some time apart and away from each other is what you guys both need right now to get yourself on track and break out of this cycle of bad behavior.

cmac,

thanks so much for your response. I do agree that this relationship isn't healthy. Time apart is probably what we need, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Should I just leave things as is with no communication and go my separate way and take this time, or is this something we should both talk about. I'm just at a crossroads.
He was online tonight, (I was invisible) and it took everything in me not to send him a note--but I stayed strong and didn't do it.

[IndiReloaded]

The fight:
I had been sick for a few days and did not go to work. He was calling to check on me on like day 3 of my sickness and asked me why I was home. I answered--"why not?' with a little laugh, then he got upset. He says that I was being smart, when actually I was laughing that he would ask me that question because I still wasn't feeling better. So, anyway, he got mad and all swole because he felt that I was being smart with him.

He's being a big goof. You were sick and he got mad at you for being a bit cheeky? Most people get cut MORE slack when they are ill. Tell him to grow up and bring you some chicken soup already.

[Lite]

Sounds like you both need to grow up a bit.

[TulipLove]

Sounds like you both need to grow up a bit.

You may be right, but explain please.

[TulipLove]

He's being a big goof. You were sick and he got mad at you for being a bit cheeky? Most people get cut MORE slack when they are ill. Tell him to grow up and bring you some chicken soup already.

The bolded is precisely what set everything in motion.

[Wejusthurried]

I agree with cmacattack1. I don't think it's fair for you to be the one always making contact. It's unhealthy, get rid of stress in your life at every opportunity. One way streets only work for cars. I have no idea what he is trying to say/prove, but I think you were being cute. My opinion, get out and do some things to take your mind off of it if you can. If he calls, then good for him. What is the worst that could happen? Weigh it out...

[TJavis]

You shouldn't always be the one to contact him after a fight - now he's just waiting for you to crawl back

[KevinC]

Hey ya'll! I'm new and I need some male input.

First--I just finished typing this extremely long post a few moments ago, and it disappeared, so I'm going to give you the clif notes version. If you need questions answered, then let me know and I'll fill in the blanks.

My SO and I had an argument nearly a week ago and we haven't spoken since. He hurt me by his actions, and I let him know.
Normally after an argument, I'm the one to always break the ice because he is very stubborn and will not make the first move.

I am always the one to break the ice in some form or another, phone call, im, texting, or email because I hate fighting with him and I don't like to hold grudges or be mad for long periods of time.

Anyway, should I contact him and try to get past this situation so we can move on? Also, if I haven't heard from him by Valentine's Day should I send him an e-card just to let him know that I love him?


I have my big girl panties on today, so just give it to me straight. I can take it!
So what say you?

With the limited information it is difficult to give any concrete advice. All I can say is that when my girlfriend and I argue - even a biggie - we've made up by the end of the night. We've been together over four years and can't bear to go to bed on an argument.

If you really love each other and know that you'll make up in the end, just bite the bullet and make up now. IThat said, my girlfriend and I are both very stubborn, but we can't go longer than a few hours without making up!

Kevin

[girl68]

You say you prefer to be on the other line when he takes a call? Then he takes a call and you're mad? Or are you mad at the fact he took so long on the other line?

And his grudge seems very unjustified. You were cheeky and he holds a grudge for what a WEEK? That's WAYYYY excessive.

[Dudeman]

Well...I always say be the example and it sound like your already doing that. I am wondering about other parts of the relationship. Do all the other area seem healthy? Really ask yourself this deep down. Get at me and hopefully I can give you better advice.