just a f*king mess

[Loveramix]

Hi all,

you can see all the threads regardig my troubles here search for loveramix threads, i cannot find them myself lol)

Summary: 1 year anniversary as a couple, but long-distance(we met offline before). I know her since 2007, and we were together since the beginning of 2009, because obviously we shared a lot of stuff together, and she's a great person, and will always be in my eyes. We spent 1 day out of 5 together in average during the year we were together.(she lives in Greece, i in Switzerland). For me she was THE ONE.Not because i had a sudden crush, but because there was some things in her which made me feel like she was perfect for me(Her behaviour, culture, sense of humor, the maaaaaany hours we spent talking together etc).

So : after spending 1 year together, seeing each other about 1x every 2 months, suddenly, as i told her i was definitely coming to live in greece, i get dumped.

Of course, i thought she was afraid of me coming there, for various reasons i cannot tell here.
Nope: she just met by chance her lover from 25 years ago, when she was still a virgin(so they were just playing the doctor), and it was the huuuuge crush just when they met, and so she dumped me.

I broke the NC rule. We are like best friends, and no matter what, she will be a huge part of my life, and i think it's the same for her.

THing is : Her new "Bf" has been in a relationship for 6 years, and he's the stepdad of the children of his current GF. Moreover they have no relationship with their father, so he took his place.
So basically he doesn't want to dump his girlfriend because it would break the relation between him and her children, so everytime he meets with my ex, they are crying because of all the people they are going to make suffer.

If you followed me, i'm the lucky one, because my suffering is over, although i still love her, because of all the qualities she has, because of the amazing person she is, so in short the door is still open for me. She told me on the phone it was impossible to go back to what the situation was before, even if they were going to make pple suffer for falling in love again.

So ladies : what do you think : when they meet, they cry because of the suffering their relationship will have for consequences. They could never spend more than 5 hours in a row together, because he's hiding from his current GF his relation with my ex.
They are crazy about each other, but it makes them suffer, and even if i told her that they would have better to come back to what it was before it's impossible for them.


What do you think will happen? do i still stand a chance(I've never met someone like her, and i'm ready to forgive, even though the suffering part is over for me)? Actually now i'm acting(not acting, i'm sincere) like the guy who tries to give them advice(because they REALLY need some). I don't care that much about being with her again(of course, i would give everything i have to be with her again if i could be 100% sure it would be for life, but i mention again : I'm out of the suffering part, except the mornings when i wake up and dream about her...this is really harsh, but the rest is a piece of cake)


QUestion is : Do you think i still have a chance, that they will come back to their senses(they are both 42), stop behaving like children and act in a responsible manner.

The thing that worries me the most : she has a child(8) and even if it's not the hugest risk, she wants kids from this guy, and i'm afraid of the worse happening. of course i don't think she risks a lot, but to be sure to want to have kids, she has to wait, the more she waits, the more it's dangerous, the more it's dangerous the more her son risks to lose his mom.


Am i paranoid about her getting a pregnancy at 42-44? (the "do i still stand a chance" question : i don't give a **** if she's happy and manages to do all she wants.)
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[Gigabitch]

She sounds like a child, and so does her new boyfriend. I can't believe she's 42 years old. She really wants to have a child with this guy who has clearly stated that he won't leave his girlfriend?

Reinstate NC and stick to it this time.

[Coco]

I agree. She is very immature and I would move on completely. You can always make a new friend and establish some connection with someone who is not your ex. I understand you may care about her and so forth but I would not put so much into this friendship or her drama. Let it go my friend.

[VincenzoG91]

Logically, she should be with you instead of this other guy. Unfortunately, logic doesn't stand a chance when up against intense feelings.

As for her getting pregnant... that's her decision. Sure, the chances of life-threatening complications and/or birth defects are higher for a 42 year-old woman than a younger woman, but she is probably aware of that and doesn't care. So you shouldn't care either.

If I were you, I would move on and try to meet other women, especially ones that don't have as much baggage as this one. It sounds like you are thinking the same thing, and you're making progress towards letting go. Given the distance, it should be easy. Date some other women and keep an open mind towards a new relationship. Your ex is already a complicated mess, and could be worse if and when she tries to rebound back to you. Don't wait for that trouble, go look for a better relationship elsewhere.

[qwertz]

She is a selfish whore if she gets pregnant by this guy.

[Loveramix]

i can only agree with what all of you said(selfish whore is a little harsh though)

still...you don't know her, and believe me, i have never met someone like her...the childish part at 42 is sth that i was somehow expecting though, i don't really know why(ok now i do), but she's the best mother a child would like to have(not in this case) and i will always love her( in a big sister love like) because she's to this date the most inspirating woman i've ever dated.


So...do you think she'll come back to her senses though?
(my guess is yes if the guy takes too long to make a decision. if that happens, i'm not sure i will take her back...and if i do, there will be a price to pay. anyway, my logic is "fool me once, you suck, fool me twice, i suck".So i think i would give her one chance, esp i have things to gain if i do other than the pure relationship...)