My girlfriend almost broke up with me

[cmacattack1]

If she isn't responding to your calls or emails, what will more emails and calls accomplish?

It's a struggle and you are going to have to use anything at your disposal to keep your head on straight and not turn into somebody that is bombarding her with every scrap of ammo you have.

One day at a time. It will turn into one week at a time. One week will turn into a couple weeks. And that is not a long time in the big picture. Don't set a time table for it now, it's going to drive you crazy. Your goal here is not to win her back or talk her into it, it's to regain your sanity.

[VincenzoG91]

So far, this has been playing out like the aftermath of a really nasty argument, even though we haven't had one of those since July of last year. Here's our normal pattern:

1. She retreats.
2. Whoever was wrong (usually me) will text an apology, leading to 2-way communication by text only.
3. Next, emails discussing the issue.
4. Phone calls discussing the issue and patching things up.
5. Get back together, but no passionate makeup sex.
6. Everything back to happy and normal.

We've been through this cycle once or twice a year during our whole relationship, but the last time was last summer, and things have been going well since then. Then I proposed, she got cold feet, and then she moved out and broke up with me last Friday.

At this point, we're back to stage 4, except that it isn't clear yet if we're getting back together. However, we are meeting up tonight at my place, so hopefully we can sort this out and get back together.

[QueenofCorona]

Did you ever find out what she did with your shoes?

[Gigabitch]

Well, Vincenzo, I hope you don't take her back and act like nothing ever happened if that's what seems to be happening. Take her back, by all means, if it's an option, but with the understanding that she can't just keep on like she was. Things have to change. If she isn't really into the relationship, she's wasting your time and if she isn't willing to make some changes to grow closer to you, this will just happen again.

If it's not going the way of reconciliation, you'll have to go for No Contact pretty soon.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree. I think we should take a break for the rest of the semester, then we need to talk seriously about where the relationship is going. If it's going nowhere, then it's time to end it. If it's going somewhere, then she should accept my proposal or at least give me a specific time frame for an answer. I don't want her to make a hasty or bad decision like last Friday, I want her to know her feelings about us and make the right choice, whatever it may be. Right now, she isn't sure about her feelings, and I want her to be sure before we take a big step forward or break up.

[VincenzoG91]

Did you ever find out what she did with your shoes?

She has partially unpacked her stuff and found one pair, and admits that she must have the other pair somewhere in her stuff. She was in a hurry and she just told her cousin to take all the shoes by the door. I don't know what her cousin was thinking when she picked up my big shoes.

[Gigabitch]

I agree. I think we should take a break for the rest of the semester, then we need to talk seriously about where the relationship is going. If it's going nowhere, then it's time to end it. If it's going somewhere, then she should accept my proposal or at least give me a specific time frame for an answer. I don't want her to make a hasty or bad decision like last Friday, I want her to know her feelings about us and make the right choice, whatever it may be. Right now, she isn't sure about her feelings, and I want her to be sure before we take a big step forward or break up.

Um, no. Sorry, but no. You don't have the rest of the semester to do this. I'd give her until Monday.

[davidtorres]

Ive dated a girl that was as unstable as the girl youre mentioning. Its going down the drain. She wants it that way. I think you should just let go. Its really hard but you need to let go. It will be hard to deal with this even more if you keep holding on. I feel your pain because I have been in the situation that the girl was the one that broke up.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't see any harm in waiting, if we take a break until the end of the semester. No contact for a few months.

[Gigabitch]

It's bad to wait because you'll be stringing yourself along. I'd hate to see you do that.

[VincenzoG91]

Whatever happens, there is no chance that I will be moving on in the next few months, so it doesn't hurt me to put things on pause until then.

A close friend of mine went through a tough divorce and custody fight that lasted six months. He started dating again about halfway through the divorce process, but recently told me that it wasn't until a year after the divorce that he was really ready to meet somebody new. Until that point, he was the classic bitter divorced guy, ruining each first date with excessive complaints about his ex and women in general.

[Cbrider]

I don't see any harm in waiting

Understandable, but your also somewhat blinded by your emotions at this point and emotionally charged. Its a bad combo that forgoes reasoning.

I hate to say it, but a commitment issue like that after 6.5 years is something that wont be changing in a "short" time frame, it may be forever ingrained in her personality.

People tell you to go out and find someone new first thing, it's BS in my opinion. YES, you should go out with friends and girls and just focus on having a good time. It will bring you back into who you are and acclimate you to the real world again. Going out with your sights set on finding someone new right out of the gate is where people get all mixed up.

You have handled this very well so far and clearly have command over yourself. From the way you come across as a speaker, I really don't see any reason that anything should or could hold you back from finding a perfect match other than yourself.

[VincenzoG91]

She came over for just a half hour last night, to pick up (most of) the rest of her things. She apologized for being in a rush, but she was going to be up all night cramming for an exam. We did talk some as I helped her gather her stuff. I got some mixed signals, but after sleeping on it, I feel like we are done for now, but she is probably going to come back to me some day. The only way I can really cope is to assume the worst and start moving on.

It wasn't a shock, but she finally admitted that she had a hard time being in our apartment anymore, because it brought back so many memories of her cat. I don't think I mentioned this before, but the way he died last June was awful. She was working on the computer when he jumped up on the chair to sit in her lap, but he had a seizure and fell down hard, twitching and dying. I know the exact feeling. When I was 17, our dog got run over and had to be put to sleep. I held her in my arms as my mom drove to the vet's office, and held her in my arms while she got the lethal injection. I felt the life go out of her and then she was dead weight.

I was really sad too when my girlfriend's cat died. Starting last fall, I sometimes asked her if we could get another cat, but she said not yet each time. So I'm going to get a kitten soon. That will cheer me up and dispel the painful silence at home, because I don't feel like I will be ready to start dating before next fall. If my girlfriend does come back at the end of the semester, there will be a cute kitten to cheer her up. If she doesn't come back, my life will go on.

[Aaron w]

Hiya mate i have just finished reading your post and i desperately need your advise so here goes, i am 20 years old and me and my misses have been together for about 1 and a half years, we have the little arguement every now and again but nothing serious and in a day or 2 we have sorted it and were normal.
So over the past week she has totally changed but last nite she said that we need a talk so i thought ok just a nice little chat or somthing but she were saying that she would like me to move out because she needs her own space, and that she is focusing on me too much she needs to start focusing on her life, but she said that we will still be together and everything just i need to move out, so after another little argument she walks off then the next morning i give her a kiss on the cheek and say" love you going to work now", but when i try to ring/ text her while i am am at work she isnt answering her phone to me, she isnt textin me back and when i get home she wont even give me a hug or a kiss.
So now i am getting really worried that she is trying to put me down gently or she is seeing someone else.
Please can u help me on this one, i love her to bits but she wont have none of it.

Aaron W.

[OneQuestion]

Hey. I read through lots of your posts, and I wanted to share my story with you.

I met my current fiance' about 6 years ago when I was a freshman in college. We dated all through college, and even lived together 3 of the 4 years. After college, we moved to a new town, still living together. Well, I thought things were perfect. She was my first and only sex partner(I had had other GF's, but she was my first sex). Anyways, about a year after we had finished college, she lost her job(that she got when she graduated - pretty good job too). And also we were having some problems. I was drinking a little to much, and although we were still doing well(not fighting or anything), something must have been wrong, because one day I returned home, and she had taken most of her stuff and left the house!

I called her like crazy for a couple days, she didn't even answer. After a while of reading online, I realized the NC thing was what I should do. I can say I was in just as crazy or more crazy of a mindset then you are in. I know how you feel, and it is complet HELL!

Well, we were broken up for only a month. We ended up getting back together, and guess what, she left again... leaving the promise ring(I know promise ring stupid huh, but I got it for her a while ago, gave it back to her when we got back together) She hadn't moved back in yet, we were just 'dating'. But one day she left my house and left the ring... so 2 times. All my friends said forget that girl, she isn't worth it... I drove myself even more crazy, because she would still talk to me. She would tell me she is 'staying home for the night'... well I would drive 1 hour to her house and find her car wasn't there at 4AM.... where is she sleeping... THAT IS STILL BOTHERING ME! I think she may have slept with someone else during our 1 month break... I asked her later, she said no... but I don't believe it... specially with the texts I read..

But to end the story. Every time I talked to her(after the 2nd breakup) I didn't act like I wanted to be with her at all. We just talked like friends. And unlike the first few calls(when we first broke up), I didn't beg for her back or say I wanted to be with her. I told her I went to the gym, did some work, had a good day, etc. Make it sound like you are 100% happy. Don't try to make her jealous with another girl or anything like that. Just talke to her, and sound like a confident guy, etc. Also, DON'T CALL HER often. If she calls you, DON'T ANSWER IT EVERY TIME.

When I ignored her for 3 or 4 days, then she would text me things like, "how you doing, any plans for tonight?"... etc.

No more was I the one trying to get back with her, but she was now trying to hang out and get back with me.

Well pretty soon after that, we got back together, she moved back in, and now we are engaged to be married in July 2010.

So basically. You have a HARD month or two in front of you... but ALL you have to do is be yourself. Act interested in her when you do hang out with her, but don't act like she is your only prioirty, that makes you look weak and needy, and will push her away. If you really really want her, I hope you get her back and both your love lasts a lifetime.