this hurts so bad........

[pellis]

i decided to come here and express my feelings and to get advice from being hurt.

after 10 years of breaking up and getting back together, me and my ex are finally done. we are so different, but we always got along. she is battling bi-polar, which really puts a strain on the relationship. i moved to VA to be with her, for a job that she had. she got another and developed a friendship with a tenant here. they started being friends and she would go over there a few times.

we broke up and have gotten back together, on monday she was back over there and we broke up again, bc she said that she was not happy. she would hang out with him during the evening and spend the night over at out apartment. this just killed me to see her on the phone with him and laughing, while i am hurting so bad. i told her that she had to move out, she is getting all of things now, but this just hurts so bad.

the bad thing about it, he lives within 500ft or so from me. so i feel like it is right under my nose while i am hurting here. i wish i could just turn off these feelings. i have no friends here and i sit in this apartment thinking about her all the time. granted, we both tried our best at the relationship, but i just wish that it didnt turn out this way.

the guy she is dating is a convicted child molester and 20 years older than her(27)/(47). i didnt want to make her leave, b/c she doesn't know too much about this guy and what he is capable of doing, but i had to protect myself. i just wish i could turn this hurt feelings off.

[kai]

Some girls just like bad guys.

[cmacattack1]

Just another example where you can't really revolve your life's plan around somebody else. You did everything you could to make it work right? Moving there to be with her. It sounds like the cycle of breaking up and getting back together really did you in and added strain to the whole relationship. Why did you guys break up the first time? Was the problems even figured out and fixed or did you guys get back together out of desparation and lonliness? I know you get used to the fights and the break ups as normal but they aren't. Not that this kind of information helps you now anyway but understanding is part of the healing process.

The dude rapes kids. He's gonna drop his friendly wall and turn into a big creep soon enough. Maybe you can share this with your ex girlfriend if you haven't already, if not, I hope she doesn't end up as a lamp shade in his apartment.

[pellis]

Just another example where you can't really revolve your life's plan around somebody else. You did everything you could to make it work right? Moving there to be with her. It sounds like the cycle of breaking up and getting back together really did you in and added strain to the whole relationship. Why did you guys break up the first time? Was the problems even figured out and fixed or did you guys get back together out of desparation and lonliness? I know you get used to the fights and the break ups as normal but they aren't. Not that this kind of information helps you now anyway but understanding is part of the healing process.

The dude rapes kids. He's gonna drop his friendly wall and turn into a big creep soon enough. Maybe you can share this with your ex girlfriend if you haven't already, if not, I hope she doesn't end up as a lamp shade in his apartment.

yes, i tried to do everything i could. we broke up the first time b/c she had been getting a lot of pressure from familiy members b/c of the interracial issue, but she eventually got over that. a lot of times that we break up is b/c she suffered from bi-polar and when she became depressed, all she wanted to do was be alone. i could tell the signs, b/c she would become so distant from me. i guess she could never figure out her own problem. she was on meds, but i was informed by her mother that it was the wrong medication. i offered to go to the Dr w/ her and be there for he, but she never went.

she has mainly been contacting me all week, to fuss about the relationship or to ask silly shit like, " where did you find those cds of mine?" that is really not a point to contact me for a trivial question like that. last night, she calls me again to ask what i wanted to do with out photos. I told her that i didnt care what she done with them. she could see i was kinda pissed, so she asked if i didn't want to talk to her again and i said that i didn't want to. she seemed pretty bummed out. but i cant talk to her b/c she is w/ someone else now. i dont know if she has gotten over me or not, really dont care. but i am trying to get over her and whenever i feel better, she contacts me, and i feel like shit. she cant have her "cake and eat it too"

[Emesis]

You were dating a bi-polar girl. What did you expect? To have a normal relationship?

[SirWagginston]

Bi-polar disorder is an excuse. I'm diagnosed with all kinds of shit from depression to Tourette's Syndrome (I think the doctors just don't have a clue), and I've never done stuff like this. When I'm with someone, I stay with them and am happy with that. When I get depressed, I want to see my partner even more, because company helps. You don't have to put up with that stuff from anyone.

The child molester is another issue, however. I would argue that you should still be concerned about what they are doing, just as any upstanding citizen should be when it is likely that someone is going to get hurt. It seems as though your ex-girlfriend is not very aware of her feelings or surroundings, and is probably getting into things she doesn't understand. If and until she matures, you should look after her from a safe distance, while looking elsewhere for dating purposes. I'm sure you're feeling quite hurt, but if she's going to act like such a child, you need to act like an adult.

If they don't already know about this, you should also consider getting her family involved. I know you said they had problems with your interracial relationship, but I'm willing to bet they have significantly more problems with child molesters. Even a bigot would rather have his daughter be with a minority than with a convicted rapist. In the off-chance you find a good reason to ever date her, again, this scores you major brownie points with her parents.

[Emesis]

Yes, and mesenteric ischemia is just an excuse too. Tell em it's nothing more than a stomachache. LOL

[pellis]

Bi-polar disorder is an excuse. I'm diagnosed with all kinds of shit from depression to Tourette's Syndrome (I think the doctors just don't have a clue), and I've never done stuff like this. When I'm with someone, I stay with them and am happy with that. When I get depressed, I want to see my partner even more, because company helps. You don't have to put up with that stuff from anyone.

The child molester is another issue, however. I would argue that you should still be concerned about what they are doing, just as any upstanding citizen should be when it is likely that someone is going to get hurt. It seems as though your ex-girlfriend is not very aware of her feelings or surroundings, and is probably getting into things she doesn't understand. If and until she matures, you should look after her from a safe distance, while looking elsewhere for dating purposes. I'm sure you're feeling quite hurt, but if she's going to act like such a child, you need to act like an adult.

If they don't already know about this, you should also consider getting her family involved. I know you said they had problems with your interracial relationship, but I'm willing to bet they have significantly more problems with child molesters. Even a bigot would rather have his daughter be with a minority than with a convicted rapist. In the off-chance you find a good reason to ever date her, again, this scores you major brownie points with her parents.

her parents knows about this guy. i told her if he starts to act weird around her, to come over. b/c i dont want to see her get physically hurt by this guy.
through the years her parents started to accept it, and has no problems with the interracial issue now, they are keeping in contact w/ me and hoping that we are getting back together, but there is just too much damage to the relationship now

[SirWagginston]

I imagine they would want you two to get back together, if her new boyfriend is a child molester. What exactly do they think of this situation?

[Supernova]

Hi, you said you moved to be with her. Can you move back home? this on and off relationship shows it was not right. You can do nothing for her, no one can change someone else mind. Her contacting you means nothing. Really I know. Go back home and start a new life.

[pellis]

I imagine they would want you two to get back together, if her new boyfriend is a child molester. What exactly do they think of this situation?

they do not like the situation, she has her mother really upset now. her mother is scared to have her daughter with this new guy. she is trying to convince her to move back home, but she has to do what is right for her. her parents came up this weekend to help her move the rest of her stuff out of our apartment, and he left to go to the mountains. so they have yet to meet.

[pellis]

Hi, you said you moved to be with her. Can you move back home? this on and off relationship shows it was not right. You can do nothing for her, no one can change someone else mind. Her contacting you means nothing. Really I know. Go back home and start a new life.

i can't move back home right now. i am currently in a lease and to break that lease, i need $1600, so i am stuck like chuck right now. i had someone offer the money to me, but that is an avenue that i really dont want to take. even if she wanted me back, i wouldnt do it, i feel much better since the first day i posted this thread and i feel like i am better off without this person in my life. she texted me last night stating that she missed and loved me, but i am not getting back in that situation.

[Chazza2k]

Hey pellis
Think you have got to put your own well being and future ahead of hers and do what it takes for yourself to get beyond her. My last Ex was BP so I know how hard things can get. Try not to let yourself be guilted or influenced into staying in a relationship thats making you very unhappy. Its obvious how much you care about her but by the sounds she just keeps emotionally playing with you to see how much you can take? Breaking up constantly, dating a child molester? Contacting you all the time, Txting you that she loves you... Ask yourself how much more you really can take in this then make some plans to distance yourself from her and cut her off completly and truley move on.

Bottom line is you cannot make decisions for her or keep second guessing her choices and live your life too. Otherwise your life will end up with you just wondering what drama shes going to get into next? Bipolar or not she going to have to take responsibility for her own actions.