still hurt

[Zanderini]

i was in a relationship for 1.5 years up until a few monthes ago. This relationship has had many ups and downs. The girl was hot but bipolar and we got along great. In hs i didnt go to prom due to her being in the hosital i visited her. We stayed together and ended up going to the same college.Everything was pretty good we had our difference she wanted to party alot i wanted to settle down. She decided to breakup with me while high and we got back together a week later. We found out she was having an episode. I took her to the hospital and and spent hours a day for a week visiting had to take the bus.After tat everything was good until the next school year when she had another episode and had to move back home. I had spent numerous nights sleepless trying to comfort her and help her. After she moved back she broke up with me and didnt give any reason.We went along talking as friends and such and then it got ackward being bailed on and stuff. Once she came back to school we saw each other she was nice and flirty and then all my issues came out i was too needy and called too much. She decided to not friends any longer and i ewas really heartbroken.She said she never wanted me involved again. Which is ridiculous after everything i did for practically turned her life around from doing drugs and forgetting medicines to going to NA and exercising and turning life back on track. Thats what annoys me. Now a few day back i procceed to find from a friend that she is in a relationship with a hardcore stoner who is a slob doesnt exercis etc... Exactley what she doesnt need in her life. I know the guy and he seems to be pretty cool. She even went as far as before we broke up by making fun of the guy for being high all the time. I was her only bf on the right track that wasnt in drugs, narcotics and that was into taking care of her and herself. IDK what to even think im very annoyed and upset and hurt and heartbroken fels bad man.

[pellis]

i was in the same situation that you were in. my gf suffered from BP too. she would break up with me for no reason when she was depressed. and i would be the one to get hurt. i was there for her no matter what and now, she acts like i wasnt. we are broken up for good now b/c somethings in the relationship can be repaired b/c of something that she did. but i have come to realize, why want to be with someone that is just going to break up with you over and over and you be there for them. it took me around 2 weeks to come to this conclusion and see that i am better off. hopefully this person can realize what star you are in her life and want to be with you. she is the one that has to realize this and nothing you can do to make her mind change. by you getting back with her, you would be doing yourself a disservice b/c you know what she is going to do in the end, breakup. it took me a long time to realize this and i am glad that i did. my ex gf texted me last night and said that she missed and loved me, but there is no way i am getting back into that drama with her. do yourself a favor and find someone else that makes you happy. i know it hurts and what you are going through, but once you realize that you are better off w/o her, you will feel much better. you cant worry about her, you have done all that you can do by being there for her when she was in the hospital. good luck

[Chazza2k]

Hey Zanderini,
Sorry to hear your story and I can relate to how you feel, here is my story I hope it helps. My Ex I was in a relationship with for 18months was also BP, she was also a self-harmer (razors in the arm) and thorughout the whole relationship she would use that to gain more attension, making to stop doing something i was and run right back to her. I remember trying everything I could for her, we talked endlessly about her Manic depression and even though she was diagnosed 5 times as being BP she could never fully accept it. I lost track of how many book I read on the subject to all the different forms of diet and medication based treatment that would take her moods from lesser highs or really bad lows to being more balanced.

In the the latter month I would say we drifted apart as I got caught up in work and other problems and she ended it with me when she met someone else, she told me she never really loved me at all and that her BP which she suffered with wasn't at all real after shes talked to her new doctor and that I was in someway responsible for it all! The guy she met is about as opposite to myself as you get and I thought he was all the wrong for her. We don't really have any communciation anymore.

Manic depression (BP) is a very difficult disorder to manage and take care of, take pride in yourself that you were there for her and did everything you could for her and in no way is any of this your fault. Ultimately everybody has free will and regardless of what we think is best for someone sometimes there is just nothing you can do. My Ex showed me letters dating from 10years ago from an old Boyfriend of hers, he referenced the selfharm the biploar and all manner of support he was offering, I wrote her pretty much an identical email 10year later. She at least seems to just repeat the same cycle over and over and it dawned on me that I was just one of many, that was a hard relisation.

Move forward with your own life and all the focus you had on her life now needs to be put into something for yourself building a new future for you. I focused on fitness and am planning to travel now, giive yourself time to make the ajustments as I know its not going to be easy. I was angry that she would do this to me after everything I tried for her and effectively she threw it all back in my face and told me she didn't give a damn, that hurt like hell. Dwelling over it doesn't help change things sometimes all you can do is let it go but that will take time.

Goodluck

[vashti]

I don't understand why a mentally healthy person would ever voluntarily attempt a relationship with a person who openly admits to a serious mental disorder (assuming of course, she actually HAS this disorder, which is incredibly over-diagnosed these days). But the bottom line is this: you can't expect a snake to act like a kitten. You are volunteering to be involved with a psychologically unwell person. Don't expect her to act like she is normal.

[Zanderini]

i indeed know the bipolar is for real after being hospitalized 3 times for it i have come to the conclusion it i not bs.

[Zanderini]

i was in the same situation that you were in. my gf suffered from BP too. she would break up with me for no reason when she was depressed. and i would be the one to get hurt. i was there for her no matter what and now, she acts like i wasnt. we are broken up for good now b/c somethings in the relationship can be repaired b/c of something that she did. but i have come to realize, why want to be with someone that is just going to break up with you over and over and you be there for them. it took me around 2 weeks to come to this conclusion and see that i am better off. hopefully this person can realize what star you are in her life and want to be with you. she is the one that has to realize this and nothing you can do to make her mind change. by you getting back with her, you would be doing yourself a disservice b/c you know what she is going to do in the end, breakup. it took me a long time to realize this and i am glad that i did. my ex gf texted me last night and said that she missed and loved me, but there is no way i am getting back into that drama with her. do yourself a favor and find someone else that makes you happy. i know it hurts and what you are going through, but once you realize that you are better off w/o her, you will feel much better. you cant worry about her, you have done all that you can do by being there for her when she was in the hospital. good luck

Sounds exactley like my story pretty much. except she is now in a relationship with some guy who smokes weed all day long that used to make fun of for it. This type of person is exactley what she doesnt need...a bad influence. Maybe one day she will realize that i bascially truned her life around and got her to not do drugs and not forget pills etc...

All of the ending of contact was done by hear and was very misleading to me

Anyways i realize that as much ad i love her or loved i do not need thsi type of issues in my life. It is dissappointing to have put my time and heart into that relationship.

[vashti]

i indeed know the bipolar is for real after being hospitalized 3 times for it i have come to the conclusion it i not bs.

So what's your story? Why are you expecting a mentally ill girl to act like a normal one? Do you also expect paraplegics to walk?

[Chazza2k]

Sounds exactley like my story pretty much. except she is now in a relationship with some guy who smokes weed all day long that used to make fun of for it. This type of person is exactley what she doesnt need...a bad influence. Maybe one day she will realize that i bascially truned her life around and got her to not do drugs and not forget pills etc...

All of the ending of contact was done by hear and was very misleading to me

Anyways i realize that as much ad i love her or loved i do not need thsi type of issues in my life. It is dissappointing to have put my time and heart into that relationship.

At the end of the day you loved her and did what you thought was right. Thats all you can ask of yourself. Move forward and learn from it.

[Zanderini]

So what's your story? Why are you expecting a mentally ill girl to act like a normal one? Do you also expect paraplegics to walk?

no i dont expect that at all i understand thats not whats gonna happen. I realize that. Im just dissappointed that after all ive done that i got bailed on ands that she is going back to her drug addict type boyfriends that are a bad influence like the rest of her boyfriends that were cheaters and drug addicts.

[SirWagginston]

I don't understand why a mentally healthy person would ever voluntarily attempt a relationship with a person who openly admits to a serious mental disorder (assuming of course, she actually HAS this disorder, which is incredibly over-diagnosed these days). But the bottom line is this: you can't expect a snake to act like a kitten. You are volunteering to be involved with a psychologically unwell person. Don't expect her to act like she is normal.

That sounds really unfair. Some disordered people are well medicated and/or simply well managed, and don't let it interfere with their relationships. Then again, the severity of the disorder and what it happens to be matters a lot. If someone is a diagnosed sociopath (incapable of caring about other people) then it would probably be unwise to give him or her a chance, period.

[Chazza2k]

So what's your story? Why are you expecting a mentally ill girl to act like a normal one? Do you also expect paraplegics to walk?

Analogies comparing mental illness to paraplegics is completely unfair, there are many different degrees of severity to the biploar condition and some people live "normal" lives using medications to balance them. Ok in some cases when people literally refuse to take the meds despite the condition (my Ex) then if your involved with them then its going to be difficult and your going to be on the end of many shifts in moods.

In a perfect world when everything is open and honest or if the symptoms of this condition were that clear cut then yes perhaps getting involved with a person with this condition would be a conscience choice to make, but after you been with someone for a time and this condition becomes evident do you simply just walk away when you love someone? Or do you try to help?

Perhaps your right that expecting a rational choice from someone with serious mental disorder is asking a lot but it doesn't change how you feel when you have to standbye powerless and watch someone you care about hurt themselves or basically repeat the same mistakes they made before all over again. It does however dawn on you eventually (in my case at least) that it was always going to end this way and at least now im out of the drama's and I'm better for it.

[vashti]

Some disordered people are well medicated and/or simply well managed, and don't let it interfere with their relationships.

This obviously isn't one of them.

Unfair or not, relationships are HARD work, and it is kind of silly to set yourself up for trouble, and then be surprised when you get it. As for me, I am no white knight - I'll leave the rescuing people for the psychologists. When you are talking about relationships that may evolve in to eventual marriage and child-making, I think it is prudent to remember that most professionals think there is some sort of hereditary component to mental illness. No thanks.

[SirWagginston]

I don't know what I have because the doctor's can't seem to make up their minds, but I'm diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, clinical depression, attention deficit hyperactive disorder and Tourette's Syndrome. Do you think this should damn me to singledom? Should I not be allowed to have children? I have good traits, too: I'm tall, handsome, physically fit, and extremely intelligent. You take the good with the bad.

I agree about this particular girl, though. She is not managing her situation. The problem isn't simply that she's bipolar, though; it's that she's too immature to properly express her feelings and take her medicine.

[Zanderini]

thanks for the replies. in my case we were very open about things she did take her meds except for a few times when she was too drunk or high and couldnt remember to take them and this was when the first issues arised. But after that she got it together basically had an episode and went back to being normal and then just ended it. She does well managing it with the exception of 4 episodes in 2 years that i knew of. It just hurts me to see her going down the same wrong road of her past

[vashti]

I don't know what I have because the doctor's can't seem to make up their minds, but I'm diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, clinical depression, attention deficit hyperactive disorder and Tourette's Syndrome. Should I not be allowed to have children?

That would be for YOU to decide, along with whatever woman you are thinking of procreating with.

I decide for me, and you decide for you.

But if you DO have a child with a serious emotional disorder, you can't act surprised about it.