still hurt

[Zanderini]

agreed. I have question.
-I want to find a way to be friends with the said individual
-not interested in dating again or having a relationship
-she already has a new boyfriend
-really doesnt want anything to do with me due to being in and having formed a new relationship
What would be a nice and friendly non-threating way to contact her?

[vashti]

Forget about her. She doesn't want to maintain contact, sweety. Don't you care that she has an equal say as to whether or not this relationship continues?

[IndiReloaded]

Wow. What do you expect, Zander? Don't you know about sow's ears and silk purses? You are shopping at the wrong store, man.

[Zanderini]

Forget about her. She doesn't want to maintain contact, sweety. Don't you care that she has an equal say as to whether or not this relationship continues?

i dont want a relationship as simple as that. i have no intrest of getting back together with her dont just jump to that conclusion that i want a relationship. all i want to be be on friendly terms.

[vashti]

A friendship IS a kind of relationship. It just isn't a romantic relationship.

[Zanderini]

A friendship IS a kind of relationship. It just isn't a romantic relationship.

i guess thats true. is there any hurt in trying to be friends though the worst that will happen is they will be pissed of and say no it want worsen my situation any more than it is.
correct me if im wrong

[Chazza2k]

agreed. I have question.
-I want to find a way to be friends with the said individual
-not interested in dating again or having a relationship
-she already has a new boyfriend
-really doesnt want anything to do with me due to being in and having formed a new relationship
What would be a nice and friendly non-threating way to contact her?

Think very carefully about this especially about what you want as friends? It doesnt always work trying to be friends with an Ex, it would be dependant on how you still feel about her? Do you really want more than friends or in someway to lookout for her? Also now thats she is in a new relationship with someone else the relationship of being just friends is totally different to what you had before. It is upto her if she you wants you as a friend but if you do end up as friends then be prepared for that difference. From your posts its obvious you don't agree with what shes doing or who shes with but take it from me you bring that up as a friend it won't go down well... With my Ex we met up two months after we split up for a coffee, I asked her, she came, the meeting went fine all nice, smiles and polite untill I asked about the new BF (big mistake)... It just turned into a row...

Give yourself space and time away from her, she made the choice about the future of her life and if she wants you as a friend she'll contact you.

[Zanderini]

Think very carefully about this especially about what you want as friends? It doesnt always work trying to be friends with an Ex, it would be dependant on how you still feel about her? Do you really want more than friends or in someway to lookout for her? Also now thats she is in a new relationship with someone else the relationship of being just friends is totally different to what you had before. It is upto her if she you wants you as a friend but if you do end up as friends then be prepared for that difference. From your posts its obvious you don't agree with what shes doing or who shes with but take it from me you bring that up as a friend it won't go down well... With my Ex we met up two months after we split up for a coffee, I asked her, she came, the meeting went fine all nice, smiles and polite untill I asked about the new BF (big mistake)... It just turned into a row...

Give yourself space and time away from her, she made the choice about the future of her life and if she wants you as a friend she'll contact you.

Realistically i want nothing more after what ive went through. Ive prepared myself from the get go that it wont be the same. I totally understand that. We have tried and the reason she cut me out was so she could buold that new relationship and just told me it was because i was being needy after some poking and prodding she was very secretive of the reason. I really do realize it will never be the same and all our meeting since the breakup were fine until i brought any of substance then she went into a shit fit.
Bipolar women make no sense

[Chazza2k]

Realistically i want nothing more after what ive went through. Ive prepared myself from the get go that it wont be the same. I totally understand that. We have tried and the reason she cut me out was so she could buold that new relationship and just told me it was because i was being needy after some poking and prodding she was very secretive of the reason. I really do realize it will never be the same and all our meeting since the breakup were fine until i brought any of substance then she went into a shit fit.
Bipolar women make no sense

Sounds like you been through enough, the highs and the lows that she went through, you kind of get swept up in them both. Then just dumped. In the end I think your right Bipolar women make no sense (at least to us), we could speculate using our combined experiences about this and that, whats best, the cause etc but end of the day I think its just a waste of time and energy. Vashti I think had it right that we should leave the pyscology to the professionals who are paid to try to make sense of it. If you have really had enough of it all and don't want to go through it all again ask yourself is being friends with her worth it to you?

[cmacattack1]

I just can't help but think you want her as more than friends because of how adamant you are about being friends. If she hasn't talked to you in a while after dumping you, why is it up to you to chase after and pursue some kind of friendship? Just because you want it so badly?

Don't delude yourself and think that just being friends could springboard you back into her life. And do you really need her as a friend? Or do you want her as a friend?

I think you should just take it easy for a while, give it a couple months on your own without trying. I don't think she will make an effort to contact you and you can focus on organizing what's going on with you.

[vashti]

Actually, I am sorry to sound cruel, but I think she is making perfect sense here. She isn't interested in maintaining contact with you any more, and that is what she told you. The problem is that you don't want to accept what she told you, despite it being in your own best interest to move on.

[Zanderini]

Actually, I am sorry to sound cruel, but I think she is making perfect sense here. She isn't interested in maintaining contact with you any more, and that is what she told you. The problem is that you don't want to accept what she told you, despite it being in your own best interest to move on.

agreed. i havent been making any contact of any kind. the only contact i made was to get one of my belongings back and havent made any other contact. you arent sounding cruel. Theoritically how could it worsen my situation if i tried to contact her?

[Zanderini]

I just can't help but think you want her as more than friends because of how adamant you are about being friends. If she hasn't talked to you in a while after dumping you, why is it up to you to chase after and pursue some kind of friendship? Just because you want it so badly?

Don't delude yourself and think that just being friends could springboard you back into her life. And do you really need her as a friend? Or do you want her as a friend?

I think you should just take it easy for a while, give it a couple months on your own without trying. I don't think she will make an effort to contact you and you can focus on organizing what's going on with you.

i agree with you fully and am doing everything i can to work on myself. I am not looking to be springboarded back into her life. Also i dont need her in my life. She is a person that i enjoying being friends with very much before we ever had a relationship

[IndiReloaded]

Theoritically how could it worsen my situation if i tried to contact her?

Simply put, you will prolong the time it takes to get over her. The purpose of no contact is to let your brain chemicals subside from the 'addiction' that is a relationship. The reason why breakups hurt is because you, literally, have become addicted to the neurochemicals that 'love' makes you feel. It sounds clinical, and it doesn't make your experience any less, but what it should give you is a solid reason why no contact is the way to go. Its basically like going cold turkey for love drugs. You'll go through a period of DTs where you will want to make contact and revisit those hormones, but its better for you if you don't.

[Zanderini]

Simply put, you will prolong the time it takes to get over her. The purpose of no contact is to let your brain chemicals subside from the 'addiction' that is a relationship. The reason why breakups hurt is because you, literally, have become addicted to the neurochemicals that 'love' makes you feel. It sounds clinical, and it doesn't make your experience any less, but what it should give you is a solid reason why no contact is the way to go. Its basically like going cold turkey for love drugs. You'll go through a period of DTs where you will want to make contact and revisit those hormones, but its better for you if you don't.

that is true. Im over her just not the time i put into it. I seriously am not wanting to deal with issues that she has and besides she is in a new relationship. all i want is to have friendly contact. So how could it be worse if im already over her? how could it prolong anything?