I feel so lonely without her, and it's not getting better..

[soulsurvivor23]

I was doing really well, and then I came across a folder in my computer that had some old pictures of us together and what I had worked hard to block/remove from my mind all came flooding back to me to the point where it's almost literally taking physical self restraint for me not to pick up my phone and call.

[Doc Durian]

I'm about to crack so BADLY. I want to contact her so bad just to see how she's doing. Can I do it?

Take those emotions and channel them into something productive for yourself, not a dead relationship.

Failing that, improve yourself in some way which will make her stand up and take notice while you feed off it while maintaining your isolation from her.

No addict quits cold turkey, but there are always alternatives and little cheats to keep you on the path.

Don't go back though. Take your improved self and find another gal.

[Doc Durian]

I was doing really well, and then I came across a folder in my computer that had some old pictures of us together and what I had worked hard to block/remove from my mind all came flooding back to me to the point where it's almost literally taking physical self restraint for me not to pick up my phone and call.

Do some push ups, sit ups, etc... get the angst out while toning up for the next gal.

[soulsurvivor23]

You guys are right, i'm not gonna contact her after working so hard to avoid doing so. I don't want to end up back on square one.

[soulsurvivor23]

But man I can't even lie. Seeing those pictures right now were the worst thing that could've possible happened to me. It's like being an alcoholic, stopping cold turkey for a whole month and then being given a sip of long island iced tea. Nothing major, but enough to make you crave more. I dont even know what to do with myself right now, i'm panicking.

[Doc Durian]

Do 3 sets of 15 push-ups, or whatever you can do until you're tuckered out.

Then post again.

[cmacattack1]

After your push ups, have a nice long island iced tea to calm the nerves. Turn your cell phone off. Throw on a funny movie/TV show on demand.

[soulsurvivor23]

What do I feel right now? A combination of hurt, anger, loneliness.. It's like it had just been building up inside of me for days upon weeks and i'm just feeling really bitter about the whole ordeal. It's like i'm angry at her for how things happened, i'm angry at myself for letting them happen, i'm upset that even with all that has transpired I still want to be with her even knowing she's bad for me. But I guess at the very least i'm proud to say that I have stood my ground and I haven't once turned back to her since the day I told her it's me or him.

[RealDeal32]

I've read all the posts to date and I have to say, I'm in the exact same boat as you. I struggle everyday not to contact my ex and it seems like she is happy without me yet she texts me randomly saying she misses me. I admire your courage and how strong you've stayed in not contacting her. It's good that you finally realized you couldn't be a doormat anymore either because I was the same way except I was the one dating her while she was going behind my back. Be strong in your resolve and better days will come.

[soulsurvivor23]

Thanks, everyone's help and support in here is helping me a lot.

[cmacattack1]

I want to agree with Doc Durian and say don't look back and go find somebody else. I want to agree with other posts of people saying "Never look back at exes, that's just you being weak." However being a complete 180 reformed individual and human being from my recent experience, I can attest that people do change. She could become the person that you want in due time.

How much time though? Nobody knows and that uncertainty is what is keeping you kind of hooked and wanting to talk to her. Along with the pain you are feeling, you want that to go away. And no matter if she changes or not, she might not want you in the same respect. That's why it's very discouraging to look back

Being with somebody else is a crutch to keep you from changing, because you have somebody that will be with your currently no matter how unhappy you are. Until somebody else comes along. As long as she is with somebody else, her change is inhibited. It's much more appealing to try and find somebody else and with your experience you can make it happen right the first time. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Your problem seems to be more of finding the wrong girl than being the wrong guy, and that should be something to keep your spirits up. Too many depressing stories about being an asshole that ****s up and just pining for her back when the damage is done. You will find a good person and be happy with them. I'd put money on that.

[Doc Durian]

I want to agree with Doc Durian and say don't look back and go find somebody else. I want to agree with other posts of people saying "Never look back at exes, that's just you being weak." However being a complete 180 reformed individual and human being from my recent experience, I can attest that people do change. She could become the person that you want in due time.

How much time though? Nobody knows and that uncertainty is what is keeping you kind of hooked and wanting to talk to her. Along with the pain you are feeling, you want that to go away. And no matter if she changes or not, she might not want you in the same respect. That's why it's very discouraging to look back

Being with somebody else is a crutch to keep you from changing, because you have somebody that will be with your currently no matter how unhappy you are. Until somebody else comes along. As long as she is with somebody else, her change is inhibited. It's much more appealing to try and find somebody else and with your experience you can make it happen right the first time. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Your problem seems to be more of finding the wrong girl than being the wrong guy, and that should be something to keep your spirits up. Too many depressing stories about being an asshole that ****s up and just pining for her back when the damage is done. You will find a good person and be happy with them. I'd put money on that.

I'd like to agree with you, too..cmacattack1.

But if the tart and probably closet friend ever (now ex-both) who once did my head in so thoroughly were to not only sincerely apologize for once but show real change for the better 20 years onwards, I'd still have to insist that she choke on a dick.

...if only on principle alone. I did after all tell her not to look me up in 20 with great personal change revelations because I wasn't going to waste my life inbetween those points waiting for a malicious triple timing whore to scrape herself out of the dung heap of her own making when her last viable flowers were dead and gone.

That really seemed to piss her off, from what I recall.

The idea that a violated best friend and lover couldn't be giddily collected like a dish from the soft serve and sprinkles machine after a 20 year all you can eat steak buffet.

Despite my feelings...no contact is no contact. Better luck in our next life.

[cmacattack1]

You can can call me Colin, Doc.

And I thought I had it bad with my puny 8 month relationship and my "I ****ed up and was immature and irresponsible" feelings of regret afterwards. I guess you really got raked over the coals didn't you buddy? I have always mulled over the apology in my head, but does it really do good in the long run (after a year plus) of no contact? Probably not. More of digging up those old wounds and clinging to the past I imagine?

[soulsurvivor23]

Yeah, i'm following Doc's no contact approach. On the last day I spoke to her, I basically said "Listen, it's me or him. And think carefully before you answer this question because it'll be the last time it's ever asked." She responded with "How could you make me choose like that. I have a bf, I can't break up with him. It wouldn't be fair to him to do that for no reason." and I said "And it wouldn't be fair to me to stick around for someone who only wants me as a backup guy" Then she said, I'm sorry I can't leave him. And I was like, ok, I wish you the best. And that was that.

On that day is when I decided that no matter what happens in the future, she and I are over. Even if she came to my doorstep today and said "I broke up with my bf, i'm over him and I choose you" I would close the door. That's not to say that a part of me doesn't still want to be with her, but I can't do that to myself. She had her chance.

[Doc Durian]

You can can call me Colin, Doc.

And I thought I had it bad with my puny 8 month relationship and my "I ****ed up and was immature and irresponsible" feelings of regret afterwards. I guess you really got raked over the coals didn't you buddy? I have always mulled over the apology in my head, but does it really do good in the long run (after a year plus) of no contact? Probably not. More of digging up those old wounds and clinging to the past I imagine?

I dunno...

I saw her 5 years ago when I made the last breeze through the old village. Hadn't spoken to or seen her for 4-5 years before that and wouldn't have agreed to meet her if a mutual friend hadn't invited them along at the very last minute (ie. "Oh, by the way... X will be bar hopping with us, too. Hope this is okay".) Put on the spot, I begrudgingly went along with it and tried to remain upbeat about it through the ordeal.

She must have sensed that I wasn't going to see her so she invited herself along.

Nothing was said about the past and I kept her at a polite arms length. By the end of the evening, she suggested we all hit one particular last pub, so we did.

Some scruffy guy comes out from behind the counter and slobbers a kiss and grope on her.

(Meet the newest boyfriend)

He follows up with, "You must be Y, she talks about you all of the time."

...he kept trying to get me to have a guy heart to heart chat with him on the sidelines.

Fended off most of it inbetween imbibing like a dehydrated carp/ ordering my next drink.

I did however get an apology for the night by the mutual friend and she later on agreed to not talk about X in emails or phone calls.

Last I unfortunately heard from others, she was a bong smoking single mum (one night stand) on the dole and at the local watering hole every Saturday night.

Truth of the matter, Colin?

When I knew I was going home for a visit, thoughts came flooding back and I almost hoped that we might have accidentally bumped into each other (small community). When it happened, I wished it hadn't.

Irony, eh?

Some feelings will never go away. We learn to live with them.

I still dearly love the person she was and that's part of who I am. The person she became, can choke on aforementioned dick. They're two seperate people.

So who knows... there might be a third and final person from it all... but that birth certificate could only be an apology... and even then... again, who knows?

8 months, 8 years, 8 lifetimes?... what really is a "long run"?