no relationship = no sex

[girl68]

I think you have covered up deep issues with this minor surface "no relationship no sex" stuff. It's not about the sex. It's about your confidence, your fear or being hurt, the fear of committment the fear of rejection. You have put that aside and said "I don't want a gf, so I'm not having sex".

I think you should try to face your deep issues here.

FYI: I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting casual sex but I think you need to dig deep and deal with the WHY.

[Gigabitch]

I don't think it's weird that you don't want to have sex with randoms, but your flinchy avoidance of becoming involved with anyone and thinking you can avoid misery by just staying alone is laughable. You've got plenty of company- people throughout the ages have turned away from the world to avoid the pain it can cause, but those people miss the chance of ever being truly happy.

In short, you have no idea what you're missing and I think you're a fool to continue on this way.

[MetalPhoenix]

I think you have covered up deep issues with this minor surface "no relationship no sex" stuff. It's not about the sex. It's about your confidence, your fear or being hurt, the fear of committment the fear of rejection. You have put that aside and said "I don't want a gf, so I'm not having sex".

I think you should try to face your deep issues here.

FYI: I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting casual sex but I think you need to dig deep and deal with the WHY.

The "why" is simple:

I've been hurt in the past without knowing the upside of love. Every time I tried I failed. And that hurts. I don't want to risk getting hurt again, so the solution is simple. I have no fear of commitment or rejection (allthough I am realistic about this)

[girl68]

Oh well so long as you know what you're doing is giving up. We've all been hurt but must of us pick ourselves up move on and try again. How can you be hurt without knowing how good it is? If it wasn't love how could you have been SOOOOOOOOOO hurt that it's put you off from relationships indefinately.

[Gigabitch]

I've been hurt too. Shredded. It didn't stop me from trying again. Right now, I'm extremely happy. Of course, everything is a gamble, and even if my husband and I stay madly in love until the end of our days, those days will end. One of us is going to die someday, and it's going to suck. I have a kid, too- that's probably going to bring me some kind of heartache as well. She could die too, or get hooked on meth, or find a terrible boyfriend who beats her and refuse to leave him like so many of the dipshits who post on here.

Life is painful, metalphoenix, and it's short. You're cutting yourself off from any chance at what makes it all worthwhile. Don't do that.

[dewilliams2]

I wouldn't worry about what other people think...do what is right for you. If you need some time to sort out some past relationships and gain some confidence then thats what you need to do. If that means you need to retreat from social relationships of that nature then that is what you need to do...if it means that you need to screw everything that holds still then thats what you need to do...its all based on the person.

Personally I am more like you when it comes to sex. I love sex but I can't have sex with somebody I don't have feelings for...I mean I physically can but it bothers me mentally so I don't do it.

No worries...do what you need to do. Maybe you should check out some counseling...not because there is something wrong with you but because it sometimes helps to talk about what is bothering you to overcome it.

[Asip4u]

Listen to Giga she's a very smart lady. If you keep taking risks, you will eventually find a girl who will make you happy. Even if it's for a short time those happy moments will be so worth it. You don't see that right now but you'll see one day, good things will happen and it will melt away all those bad memories.

[MetalPhoenix]

I don't think it's weird that you don't want to have sex with randoms, but your flinchy avoidance of becoming involved with anyone and thinking you can avoid misery by just staying alone is laughable. You've got plenty of company- people throughout the ages have turned away from the world to avoid the pain it can cause, but those people miss the chance of ever being truly happy.

In short, you have no idea what you're missing and I think you're a fool to continue on this way.

Why?

There are plenty of guys who are single...I personally know 3 single guys...they're doing just fine, so why should I fail?

[MetalPhoenix]

Oh well so long as you know what you're doing is giving up. We've all been hurt but must of us pick ourselves up move on and try again. How can you be hurt without knowing how good it is? If it wasn't love how could you have been SOOOOOOOOOO hurt that it's put you off from relationships indefinately.

I don't consider it "giving up".
When you give up, you have failed and you still long for the thing you were aiming for.

I have failed, but I no longer aim to be in a relationship.


I have had other goals in life (education / career) I failed in the education so I had to choose another school. I no longer aim for the other job and I am happy where I am now.

There will always be setbacks and disappointments in life. The question is how you deal with them.
I chose a way that is different from what most people do/think. But it doesn't mean it's the wrong choise.

Me being hurt was me loving someone and getting my heart ripped out. I can imagine the loss of a true relationship being even worse....why would I want that?

[MetalPhoenix]

I've been hurt too. Shredded. It didn't stop me from trying again. Right now, I'm extremely happy. Of course, everything is a gamble, and even if my husband and I stay madly in love until the end of our days, those days will end. One of us is going to die someday, and it's going to suck. I have a kid, too- that's probably going to bring me some kind of heartache as well. She could die too, or get hooked on meth, or find a terrible boyfriend who beats her and refuse to leave him like so many of the dipshits who post on here.

Life is painful, metalphoenix, and it's short. You're cutting yourself off from any chance at what makes it all worthwhile. Don't do that.

Why would I want to go after something that will no-doubt cause me pain?


I choose not to be hurt by love anymore. No girl has ever really liked me. I know I'm not interesting and that I have not much going on in my life. But I am happy. I have a wonderfull [S]hobby[/S] passion and I like my current school.
I like being boring. I don't want that to change. Not because I am affraid of change, but because I am happy this way.

Maybe that will change someday and it could be impossible to find a girlfriend. IF that is the case I will deal with it then.

[MetalPhoenix]

I wouldn't worry about what other people think...do what is right for you. If you need some time to sort out some past relationships and gain some confidence then thats what you need to do. If that means you need to retreat from social relationships of that nature then that is what you need to do...if it means that you need to screw everything that holds still then thats what you need to do...its all based on the person.

Personally I am more like you when it comes to sex. I love sex but I can't have sex with somebody I don't have feelings for...I mean I physically can but it bothers me mentally so I don't do it.

No worries...do what you need to do. Maybe you should check out some counseling...not because there is something wrong with you but because it sometimes helps to talk about what is bothering you to overcome it.

This forum gives me the feedback I am looking for.

I am not a coward, but sometimes it is very comforting to be anonymous

[MetalPhoenix]

Listen to Giga she's a very smart lady. If you keep taking risks, you will eventually find a girl who will make you happy. Even if it's for a short time those happy moments will be so worth it. You don't see that right now but you'll see one day, good things will happen and it will melt away all those bad memories.

I respectfully disagree with pretty much everything you say.

- If I keep taking risks I will get hurt again. - I don't want that
- I have had a couple of weeks where I was so incredibly in love (I actually enjoyed being in love). I was seriously floating on air. But for me the pain outweighs the joy


I can agree with the Part about Giga...she sounds smart to me to

[girl68]

My love does not "no doubt" cause me pain.

[MetalPhoenix]

My love does not "no doubt" cause me pain.

Me trying to find love will...

Either I fail a couple of times and get hurt
or my first true relationship will end after some time...which will hurt more.

And it will end. I've never heard of someone's first relationship being one that lasted 'till death


I consider my lack of experience a good thing. It keeps me from longing back.
If I don't know WHAT I'm missing, I can't miss it.

[girl68]

You're giving up. You're just trying to claim you're not using all these pitiful excuses. Alright, so you're petrified of rejection, join the club.

I didn't know what love before I had it yet I still chased it. I got hurt. Rejected, dumped, cheated, used, abused you name it. Getting hurt was all worth it when I found the right guy.

But since you claim that you don't know what love it you will die a lonley and likely bitter man. By the way the more you get hurt, rejected and all that fun stuff the easier it becomes to get over it, learn to deal with it, and cope with it better. You get hurt before you even truely love and you throw the whole idea out the window.